Current Events, Entertainment News, Jokes (Couldn't think of a Funnie For This One)
Letter from the Editor
Sometimes life can suck, but other times there are often certain events both personal and professional that seem to turn it around. Even for a brief moment. With me, my only problem with that, is that those moments are few and in between and any attempts at expanding on them seem to make life worse than it does better. Anyone that says "That's life." or "Life's not fair." are full of shit. Yes, life can be unfair, but if it's meant to be that way, why give us hope that things will turn alright in spite of the tragedies we face. If anything, Life is meant to be fair. It's meant to give every one a chance to live it. To enjoy it, to not have to pay for shit in order to achieve it. I say Make Life Fair.
Toronto Gas Price Drops 11 Cents
Good news for those out to vacation on this first of July Weekend, the Gas Prices all over Toronto and the GTA have lowered to 11 cents as of tomorrow. The current price being at least 193.9 Cents per litre. As if that's not good enough, the Gas Tax will be cut down to 5.7 cents per litre as well. With promises by Crackhead Ford that the tax will be lowered to 5.3 Cents Perl Litre. One of the few good things he's done. He also made promises recently to deal with the increase in ODSP, but to those on that system, I wouldn't hold my breath just yet.
Russian Army Retreats From Snake Island
After having captured it prior, the Russian Army retreats from Snake Island. The defense Ministry claims it's for good will, but I think maybe they couldn't handle the snakes. Hehe. Fuck you Putin.
Pandemic Changing But Far From Over
Just recently The World Health Orginization Director General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus had this to say. "This pandemic is changing but it's not over. Our ability to track the #COVID19 virus is under threat as reporting and genomic sequences are declining meaning it is becoming harder to track Omicron and analyse future emerging variant." Dude, it's not tracking them that's the problem. The problem is you lost the trust of the people. As much as I mock those that refuse to take vaccines, I can't say I blame them considering all you've done was flip flop back and forth to whether or not it's safe enough to resume a normal life. I'm fucking sick of it, just declare it over already. I don't care if at this point the disease still stands. I've lived through many pandemics. SARs, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, this bullshit and the worst I've only gotten was the cold or the fucking flu. I took the vaccines because better safe than sorry. The reason why we can't go back to normal is because you dipshits are so used to controlling us like fucking cattle, that it's hard to let go. SARs was never officially cured, yet we learned to live with it. We should do the same for this and this bullshit Monkey Pox that recently came about. Give us our fucking lives back.
Local Newgrounds News:
Also a bit shoutout to @ElectricAngel7482 formally Rocknight1991. Be sure to see the art representing her transformation here:
R. Kelly has recently been sentenced for 30 years for numerous sex abuse accusations. I've somewhat followed R. Kelly's rise and fall as Space Jam was what introduced me to it. Back then, the biggest controversy he embroiled himself was a video tape of him pissing on an underage girl. I would have thought that should have been it for him, but so many who love "I believe I can fly." so much decide to rally for him. Claiming he's being racial profiled. Dudes, the only colour that was being discriminated that time was the yellow in his piss. And for a good reason because it splattered on an underage girl you fucking fanatics. Even Boondocks, who's main bits are often over the top humour, didn't pull any punches telling R. Kelly fans that they're the reason why he gets away with shit like that and the numerous sex trafficing, sexual slavery and other attrocities he's done to women and children over the years of his life. I believe he can fly on the first class ticket to the deepest pits of hell and I honestly hope he gets thrown in gen pop. You child raping, son of a bitch. Have fun knowing this is your fucking legacy:
Fuck you and fuck anyone that even remotely justifies his bullshit.
It is with great tragedy that I announce the passing of Gregory Jein. For those who don't know, he was a famous model maker for movies and TV shows. His credits include his contribution to the attempt at Star Trek Phase II. His successful run with Star Trek The Motion Picture. So to trekkies this is the guy that not only designed V'Ger, but also brought the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 back to it's former glory. Which also in turn jumpstarted his career as a model maker, not just for Star Trek but for other movies and tv shows as well such as Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, Buckaroo Banzi and The Dark Night Rises to name a few. People talk about how great producers, directors and screenwriters are, when it comes to filmmaking, but neglect to remotely mention the others just as responsible and deserving of praise. Such as the guy that built the fucking thing. Rest in Peace Gregory. To an absent friend of every trekkie and movie fan in general.
Cameron Diaz just recently announced she's having a comeback. The Charlie's Angel and Mask Star has recently come out of retirement and is ready to act once more. I wish you the best of luck Diaz, you were one of my earliest memories of childhood in movies when I first seen you as Tina Carlyle, the sultry yet kind love interest to Stanley Ipkiss aka The Mask and if it wasn't for you, Dorian would have won.
I decided to go back and fourth between funnies and jokes, since even my crappier stuff takes a while to draw sometimes, but I thought I'd bring levity a different way. Three Jokes.
- An Anti-Nazi protester is walking down the street on his way home, from a day of demonstrations. As he makes it to his house, he notices an old man, walking around in full SS Gear, Goosestepping and spouting German Slogans. Naturally he has a problem with that and says "Hey, you can't do that out here." But the man doesn't listen. He screams, shouts and threatens the Nazi, but it seems to be in one ear and out the other. Losing patience, he walks up to the Nazi and punches him out. He then takes a closer look, noticing that the Nazi had airpods in his ears. "Huh. I guess he didn't hear me." He said. "Oh who gives a shit." He then notices a flyer sticking out of the pocket. He initially didn't want to read it, assuming it was propaganda, but curiosity got the better of him. The flyer read "The Seniors Centre Wishes to Proudly Announce, the first ever all senior stage play of 'The Sound of Music.' Proceeds of the ticket prices will go into donating to the Holocaust Museum and the victims of the Hiroshima Bombings." The protester drops the flyer in shock. "He wasn't a Nazi, he was playing an extra in a play. A play for Charity. What the hell have I done?" Let this be double lesson for both sides. One, not everything is as seems. Two, if you're gonna rehearse your lines for Sound of Music or any other play that has Nazis in it. Do it indoors. It could save your life.
- Man buys a Ferrari and does 90 miles an hour at what looks like an abandoned highway. He passes by a traffic cop who gives chase. The man at first speeds up to 100 trying to get away from the cop, but gives up and pulls over. The cop comes up to him and says "Look buddy, my shift ends in half an hour. If you can give me an excuse that I haven't heard of, you have my word I will let you go." The man thought for a second and said "Well, my wife left me for a cop, so I thought you were bringing her back."
- Warning Graphic Joke Ahead: Two men walk into a bar, one orders a beer and the other says "I'll order a bucket of piss.' Disgusted, the first man looks to him and says "There's no way they serve a bucket of piss at a bar." The second man smiles and says "$50 says there is." To which the first man nods "You're on." Sure enough the bartender comes out, giving the first man his beer and the second man a 1 gallon bucket full of piss. The first man looks at it, in both awe and shock and asked "How the fuck did you know this was gonna happen." To which the second man says "Who do you think pissed in that bucket?"