If you're familiar with my open questions at this point, you'd know I did an open question, that questions the meaning of human existence. Why are we here, what's the endgame, all that jazz. While I do believe that said question must be asked until we do eventually get an answer, I must admit I wrote said question out of depression so even if I had a point, it wasn't really a good spirited one in spite of my insistence that it wasn't meant to attack anyone and I do apologize if what I said did make you question your own existence in the negative. If anything the question was more or less meant to push both myself and anyone that listened, into finding the answer, because I truly believe that if we do find an answer, whether we agree on what that answer means or not, we could figure it out together, rather than find out alone.
As for what this has to do with this open question, I'll tell you.
For context let me give you a little insight of my life. While I know for a fact there are people, both inside and outside my circle that have had it either better or worse off than me, which has often been the counterpoint to every known argument known to the human race, what I am about to say is not meant to downplay the latter. I know people have it worse than me, I know it's often people I know or complete strangers suffering literally every hardship we ever known, from abuse, to disease, poverty, the horrors of war and loss. Each and everyone of us, no matter what race, sex, religion and the like has had their fair share of suffering. Often what happens in our own corner of the world and other times it's been inflicted on us by others who believe their suffering is more important than the one they hurt. However, that being said, this is not to attack those who have it worse or belittle those who have it better. This here, is mainly just an example of some of those times in my life, but a revelation regarding my own I think others may have experienced before.
Over the years of my life, like many of you I suffered many hardships. I've been hurt, I've hurt others, I've gained people, lost people, went through various stages of life that could either end in success or failure. Up until recently, most of those seemed like only failures. But the one constant, the one thing that all these things have in common is that no matter what happens to me. Whether I do it to myself or someone does it to me, I've often been in a position, where I should have died, but didn't. Up until recently I don't lead a healthy lifestyle. I eat junk food more than what's on the food groups. I smoke. I drink. By all intents and purposes I should have at the very least chest pains let alone a heart attack, stroke or many many diseases. Funny enough, save for a little tooth decay every now and then, medically I am healthy as a horse. I used to think that maybe I was some kind of immortal that maybe whatever was keeping me alive, protected me from things that would have killed me including myself. Ya, while I don't have those thoughts much anymore, the combination of the hardships and the fact that I still lived to suffer them had made me suicidal. Yet even then, when I get close to doing that, something happens. Something I couldn't quite describe, gives me this....will power like no other. Something that just keeps telling me to live on. I have anguished the most, wondering what could it be. But I think I may have the answer, in the form of another question.
Does our destinies, or our perception of destinies keep us alive?
First of all, here's my own view on destiny. It's what you make of it and up to you to figure out what it is, but once you got it all figured out, there's nothing and I mean nothing stopping you from achieving it. As for what Destiny or Fate is, well surprisingly even to this day it's been subject to debate. Best example surprisingly comes from a horror movie. Halloween. During the scene where Laurie Strode is first introduced, she's attending a class which discusses the different views in fate. Meant to foreshadow her eventual fate of facing Myers. She says "Costaine wrote that fate was somehow related only to religion, where Samuels felt that, well, fate was like a natural element, like earth, air, fire and water." Basically to shorten it, most people think when it comes to fate, they think it's because of some deity showing us what we are meant to do, while others think Fate is more natural and unpredictable. Like the Elements.
Years ago, when I was less cynical about life, I often felt signs that I was destined for something. Yet every time I follow that sign it seems to seemingly point me to a dead end. Yet I keep getting this nagging feeling that once I figure out my role in life, that not only will the road be clear ahead, but then I would eventually die, but with dignity.
It's one of the reasons why I wanted to go into the Entertainment business, because on top of testing the waters, I figured if I get in and get in big, maybe I could clear the path for others to follow rather than do what most entertainment stars have done. Breaking the cycle of scandals and other deceit.
As for what this has to do with me not dying, well as you can tell, I believe that the reason why I am not dead yet, is because it's not my time yet.
Now there is one hole I am aware of. "If it's that simple, what about the random deaths and the pain and suffering people go through that seem to have no end goal in this?" Well I admit I was puzzled about it. That was until I watched DC Showcase's short on Death. Spoilers at this point. A struggling artist has just been through a life of heartbreak. His dad disowns him, his art teacher humiliates him, his girlfriend leaves him and just recently his boss fires him for slacking on painting the bars for Arkham Asylum. The result of which sends him in a deep dark depression that manifests into the form of demons representing each aspect of his life going wrong. He meets a mysterious, beautiful and friendly goth woman, who seems to be interested in his work. He finds her so captivating he wants to paint her portrait, but hesitates when the demon version of his ex accuses him of trying to pick this girl up. However later on he meets her while she's seemingly being mugged. He scares the muggers away and goes out to see her. This time he takes her to his house to show her work and despite the insecurities telling him otherwise, she loves his work. He offers to paint her portrait and he does, fighting off and killing every insecurity that tries to stop him by continuing the work. He finishes it, realizing that he created a masterpiece but then he notices something strange. Time has stood still and he finds out he died, when he sees his body passed out from an overdose with a lit cigarette in his hand and that the woman is Death, who has come to take him into the afterlife. He was at first depressed, because he felt he didn't lead an interesting life, but overjoyed because his painting would be something they'll remember him by. Only for time to slowly increase. The cigarette he had dropping from his cold dead fingers and setting the place ablaze. He figures if the fire spreads, the painting will be destroyed. He initially accused Death of playing a cruel prank only to realize she was watching him throughout his life. That she was his inspiration to get into painting. He begs her to save the painting before they go. After he goes, the firefighters discover the only thing that hasn't been burned was her picture. Death saved the painting for him.
The line that got to me the most was that when he made the initial accusation, she replies "The end of your story was written in the Book of Destiny before you sucked in your first breath." The book she was referring to was a book owned by her brother Destiny. The characters from the famous Neil Gaiman Sandman Series. While Death's Job is to be there for the end of the lives of every being that passes on, then later be the last being of existence, Destiny is the go to being for the beginning and middle of said lives. Writing where everyone and everything should be going to, before said people even come to life.
As for what this has to do with random deaths. Well, that's the thing. The deaths may seem random to us, but as many have said, everything happens for a reason. Maybe we don't know our own destines, but somewhere out there maybe our destinies, purposes and the drive that keeps us living is written out there. Defining our lives, without us knowing, but giving us hints on how to live them better. But most importantly no matter how sad, terrifying and downright gruesome our eventual demise is, it's meant to happen. I know that's something hard for everyone to swallow, even I have trouble accepting it myself. But I think if we look at it this way, it wouldn't ease our pains, but maybe soften the blows a little.
Of course that's just my take on it. You're welcome to contradict it.
But let me ask you this in addition. Isn't it strange that whenever say a disaster happens, that is warned to be extremely deadly to humans, that some of us somehow survive it? Doesn't it seem strange like say, being caught in the Ice Storm of 2013 for days, listening to how others are suffering and dying along with you as you're waiting for your turn to freeze to death in a home that has no electricity or heat, only for everything to come back on. Or hell, even if the person isn't aware of your tendencies, isn't it odd, that the day you decide to end your life, someone conveniently calls you because they need you for something be it minor or major? Makes you think doesn't it?