Ok this is the big one. First off a disclaimer. The following must be taken with a grain of salt due to the simple fact that some of you will believe this and some of you don't. You are more than entitled to your opinion to it.

Some people often have Good Lives with no hassle, others with bad lives that turn good and of course there are often the Roller Coaster ones, where there is often an imbalance of good and bad memories of every experience in your life. Me, my main gift regardless of all the bullshit I have went through over the years and believe me it was a lot, was trying to make the best out of a bad situation. It was often in tiers. As a kid I started out with everything I could possibly want, but only seldom appreciated, then I had to literally sink as low as possible, without ever trying to compromise my moralities that I learned in all the years of my life. I went from somewhat privileged life as a child, to a somewhat middle class life, to a somewhat poor life and to as poor a life as possible without it killing me one way or another, but with all the stuff I had over the years I had somewhat of an advantage in terms of survival, mostly my intelligence. It's one of the reasons why I was too focused on all the drama even though I tried to get away from it, I wanted to find the root of why I care about drama in the first place. I figured if I could figure that out, I could move on with my life somewhat quicker. Not enough to change much now, but enough to change a lot in the future. It was then and there I realized the source of why things were slowing down. It wasn't just that I was being impatient, but I was also doing too much. Overpreparing and somehow underpreparing at the same time. It was a conundrum so bad, it nearly drove me insane in every aspect of all my life. And the reason why was because I felt like I was simply lied to about many aspects of my life. I'm not just talking direct lies, we all have them. Whether it's lies we tell in public, private, lying to others, lying to yourself. The latter of which I was so Good at, it boosted my confidence in everything else my mind was set to at the time. As it turned out, once I was able to reconcile and solve the biggest lie of my life, one so painful yet so relieving that it allowed me to think more clearly, somehow achieve more enlightenment and find ways of moving on with my life with minimal effort, but maximum result.

Call it spirituality where the last chakra got opened wider or call it science where I somehow removed the mother of all mental blocks. Or call it the placebo effect for all I care. It allowed me to figure out a lot of life's mysteries more smoothly. And while I still have a long way to go here's what I learned so far.

1. Just because your loved one's lie to you, doesn't mean they all don't love you. We all had certain lies told about us, be it minor white lies, false reassurance or even the major ones so bad it changes your whole perspective on that person, but if you were able to accomplish a lot as the result of it, then it's not that bad. It took me decades to learn that lesson. Some of you are capable of figuring it out faster or even slower.
2. We all wear masks, but not all of them are as bad as you think. Whether it's on the net, in public or in private we each have more than one side of our identities. From our names, to our nationalities, to our religious beliefs or lacktherof, to our many many personas, we all wear masks in our lives to protect us from some forms of harm. Some seem like the identity behind it can be taken at face value, while others, wear an alternate identity that is the opposite of what they are in real life. Me I tried to get through a huge chunk of my life without having to wear a mask, but at the same time in certain situations, like going to places one shouldn't to figure out all aspects of life good or bad, I had to wear them on occasions and see where the line between identity and mask lie. Once I figured that out, I was able to realize who and what I really am. Sometimes Masks help. They either hide you or bring out your true self more often. The choice in the matter is what you believe and what they believe you are. I learned that one a major hard way.
3. Sometimes what we remember is or isn't what it seems. Part of why I had such trouble realizing my problems in life was, I tried to ignore my other feelings on certain matters. Even though I managed to reconcile some things, the negative feelings as the result of it, were bottled up until I let them out at inappropriate moments. Part of it was projecting and part of it was repressed energy needing to be let out. As a result of said negativity, which includes but not limits to my famous explosive temper. I was somehow projecting my own fears, doubts and insecurities on other people in a way that either made them understand or get too scared to associate with me. Other times it was a result of a memory I had trouble remembering correctly and it became a Rashomon type deal where some of it was self serving. Where I remember it a certain way and others remember it a certain way and neither one of us could tell if the other is telling the truth. Many clashes happen due to that form of miscommunication alone. But then when an outside party, someone whom has no idea of the situation, will often show up to tell the full truth of what really happened, assuming they're not bullshitting themselves that is. Either way, it becomes some kind of resolution that would bring a certain sense of peace.
4. No matter who we are or where we come from we are not so different both good and bad. Now a lot of people try to argue whom had it the worst. Be it individuals or the groups they are part of. Now me, I never cared who was the minority or the majority. I see wrong, I call out wrong, but because of many circumstances not helped by my anger at the time, I wasn't helping my case. But then I realized that if my problem stemmed from being lied to in one way or another, than others no matter where they come from or what lies they have been told in their life. Case in point, whenever a parent calls their kid special. It could be true it could be false. In my case, no matter how I tried to stay positive, I never saw myself as anything special. There are special things about me, but at the same time, take those away and I'm just an average human being trying to find his place in the world. Testing the waters, seeing where I fit in in some places and where I don't in others. There are some things I like about people and some things I don't like about people and you'd be lying if you said you couldn't relate.
5. Accept the fact that not all adults are telling the truth, but gauge your reaction on that. One of the biggest problems I had to cope with, was why Adults sometimes don't tell the truth. Even somewhat white lies about Santa Claus and other Holiday mascots irritated me because some parts felt true and some parts didn't. It's one of the reasons why I say I continue to believe in Santa Claus, because I decided to simply pay tribute to the parts that felt true to me. What I failed to realize until now, was that they were meant to prepare me for the eventual realization that my own family wasn't honest with me on some things. However like everything else I took things too far on my end and wondered what else they lied about. Trying to weed out things that were true and things that weren't. But because of how obsessed I was and how much drama kept piling onto me, it made it worse. Once I was able to solve my other problems, it made it easier for me to solve this one.
6. Do what you can to fix your part of it. Part of why it was hard to fix myself, was while I knew there were certain parts wrong with me, I couldn't figure out what until after the stuff I went through took a toll on me. I seem to find the better answers when I'm under pressure. So it's sort of a cursed gift. But much of it is mostly pride and vanity. Although I knew a few things were wrong with me, my ego got boosted by the fact that many people in my life accuse me of being something I'm not to the point where I thought I was somewhat perfect. Big fucking mistake on that one. I had to get humbled in many ways to realize that one. Best I can do is apologize and try to salvage some of the wreckage I was responsible for. My pride, ego and vanity blinded me from the truth of my life and the truth of what was wrong with me.
7. You are much better than you think you are thanks to the things you're good at. Just because people are either worse or better than you at certain skills doesn't make either one of you more or less of a person for not being that good. Myself I try to see if there are things I am good at and if they occupy my time in a good way, I'd just run with that and let everything else fall into place. Much of why I initially disliked my life was there were some things I wasn't good at but wanted to do and I felt like a fool when I couldn't do it. Envy at it's worse. But rather than simply just do what most envious people do and sabotage it, I instead give people encouragement on the things they do right on the things they are good at even if they're just getting started. I figured if I wasn't good at it, why let someone else let their talents go to waste.
8. Take only some words at face value and stop overthinking them all the time. There is a time and a place where one needs to be suspicious of certain words, even the most mundane words. I used to joke about a word like "Apple" being offensive, but then I realized I was more right than I thought. Some words are genuine, but others depend on the circumstances. If you got certain rumours or messages, from a reliable source in your POV, it makes them easier to believe. If you got them from people you barely knew or didn't know at all, they are not worth your time, energy or worth seeking validation from. Also if you're gonna say anything, even just to vent, watch where you're saying it, you never know who could be listening.
9. Sometimes life is and isn't a game. In the times life is treated like a game, no matter which path you take, it can either be very fun, very dangerous, very dangerous in fun and very fun in the danger. Either way, there are choices, consequences and even some thinking before deciding which risks are worth taking and which isn't. Pick your battles and your life choices very carefully. Say only what you need to say and move on. Do what you need to do and go home. Other than that, go nuts.
10. Surprises come from even the most likely of sources. Sometimes people see signs based on aspects of their lives. In my case numbers was my main obsession. Be it simple math or reading numerology or reading angel numbers. Seeing things related to that part of my life, started making me feel more hopeful that things would be ok. The only downside is, they tell you things will be ok, but don't tell you when they happen. Hence the surprise factor. I tried to keep track of it in the past to see how I could learn in the future, but I was so focused on what was going on today, that I started to have doubts and doubled down on many life choices. Some worked, some didn't. But then I realized, that like everything else, it takes time, patience and a chance to relax and take a break from it all. Be it exploring outdoors or in the comfort of your home.
11. Never let them see you bleed. If you react badly in public, regardless of how crafty you are, there's a 97% chance a lot would listen to you. Some would not care and move on, others would react in their own ways positive or negative. And others simply act that way and could have a very likely chance they are spying on you be it for benevolent or malevolent reasons. It's one of the reasons why I was getting paranoid. I had a feeling I was being watched, I was kinda right, but it wasn't what I thought.
12. Always have an escape plan. Let's just say you built up many aspects of your life to the point where they are a hinderance more than a stable structure. When that happens, you gotta hit the self destruct button. Salvage what you can from the rubble of it all and use it to build a better structure. Part of why it was hard for me in some aspects, because a lot of them were either duds or delayed explosions. Metaphorically speaking.
13. Above all else, be you in every aspect you know about yourself that helps. Part of why I had trouble understanding "Be you." Even though I was trying to spread that message, was because one of the major mysteries of my life was trying to figure out who I was and why I was here. I had many cryptic answers, but not a single straight answer. It lead me to believe either I was being lied to or somehow realizing my purpose by detaching myself from everything. I cut off both my friends and my foes. Some were easy, some weren't. Some were painless, some hurt like hell. Including but not limited to leaving my town for a few hours. Ironically going West in search of truth. And the thing that got me more motivated than ever to keep going in life, was I found my own Truth. Something I truly believe in with only some help from those inside and outside my circle. And while it's taking me a while, I'm slowly getting my identity back, while forging a new one as a result of the ones I used before.

Once I was able to sort out a huge chunk of things, everything else seemed to be prepared to fall into place for me in a way that no matter what happens, I will still be happy in what I'll get from it, happy for others when they get theirs, happy that certain justices will be served and happy that it took me only 27 years to discover enough of it where most people either took less or more longer. Sometimes hours, some times seconds, sometimes days, months, weeks, years or in some cases an eternity. It's got to the point where I don't think I'll need to count the years for a while, I'll take the good with the bad and I'll be able to move on with my life in a way I couldn't when I started. I have a lot to thank for this, a lot to apologize for, but that said, for what it's worth, where I am now is somewhat good enough.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.