@Ceejaythe630th. Well I wouldn't go so far as say Protest, but grounding him as well as whatever Devil is there too. I feel like in terms of spirituality. Whether it's God or The Devil or some other version in many religions, that part of the reason why we are suffering is because much like some humans regarding Drama, we as a species, are caught in the middle of a Cosmic Drama Fest. God or whatever and the Devil or whatever arguing back and forth using us as sounding boards, confidants, pawns, you name it. I used to think it was either this or that, but no. It's both. God tests, Devil corrupts, yet both do the same fucking thing. Use their words on humans and have them fight their battles for them. Do the humans get a thank you? No, they get material rewards from the people they helped, only to have them go through a harder version of the first shouting match.
When this shit happened to me, I felt compelled to talk about the shit I went through, just so people would finally understand where I was coming from all these years. For once it didn't make me question God. It made me want to punch him out, because I was sick of being an Almost Victim as well as a Victim. And yet it keeps happening no matter what I do. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
So I decided to do the next best thing. I figured since both sides were the problem, both sides should have a room together to talk things out, without involving us anymore. So using my Native and Wicca, I basically said they were officially grounded until they reach an agreement. Granted people in many religious walks of life would think I was nuts for doing that. Some even fearing I may get a smiting. However ironically I seen signs I was going the right direction. I ran into another female rapist. Once again, but basically told her "Fuck you" and walked West of my building. In Wicca, depending on the variation, west represents water and letting things go. I used sage and native smudging to cast. Believe you me, I used that space many times to try to let shit go. In this case, I decided to let God and the Devil go. To show I was serious. My will and intent went into that specific prayer and ritual. If anything happens or not, I will let people know.
But after seeing an incomprehensible injustice like that over the years it's safe to say whatever up there that's been neglecting it, has overstayed the position and something new oughta take it's place. I'm not saying there shouldn't be a balance between Good and Evil, but I am saying that those two, went too far in their parts of it and many people suffered and died POINTLESSLY before we managed to get to a point where things would get better.
I've been fighting a spiritual war I was forcefully drafted in since I was 5 years old and quite frankly I'm sick of getting wounded from it constantly. Happiness, should not cost pain.
Ceejaythe630th
I wasn't prepared to read all of what you just, said but yet I still did. This is a lot to take in regarding your experiences, the morality of people, their mentalities when it comes to this and the advice you give here when it comes to these types of situations.
The only thing I could really say is that you have some insane luck or are just surrounded by good people if you survived this cycle long enough without having the worst happen to you. From what I can tell with the said experiences you described, you're basically an experienced hero. With all the rage you face and the struggle not to lash out on people, even the ones that deserve it the most, you somehow keep it together and always look for a better solution, and I that's something I find pretty respectable.
I too have similar rage in which I want to lash out on people, but I never end up going through with it, even if I was close to doing so, and I just let the anger linger inside me until it passes. It was probably for the best, because something good always happens when I don't follow through with it, and in the end, I'm always ok with the outcome.
You're doing god's work by sharing this to people, and who knows, maybe someone might stumble upon this and find it useful for themselves. Thank you for sharing the experience and insights you have shown people here. Maybe one day people will follow this mindset and we can finally stop this from happening, or at very least reduce the rate in which these acts happen...
CIEIRMusic
Thank you. It's one of the biggest burdens of my life. I feel like I'm being tested all the time and if I'm not the one suffering it, someone else is suffering it in my place. It's been happening to me my whole fucking life. People can think what they want about me here regarding this, that and the drama, but I no longer give a damn anymore. It's all talk and no action to me. My life has both been ruined and close to ruin and if it's not the fucking Devil doing this, then what kind of sick deity do we have up there? That's how I feel about it sometimes. It's why I held in a lot of baggage over the years of my life, because I was afraid of how people would react to it. I would think they'd laugh, ridicule, humiliate, call me a fucking liar or worse, start doing and saying shit related to it, in an attempt to make me lose my temper again. At this point as I'm typing this, I'm literally in a heated argument with God, asking him why the fuck he's still doing this shit. Not just to me, but to my friends, family. Everyone that's fought tooth and nail to get a better life and whenever they come close, something fucked up happens that ruins it, including, but not limited to victims and almost victims. It's pissing me off, I had enough and as much as I respect religion, this is the one time I officially protest, not renounce, protest God. I won't pray, I won't kneel on any churches, I won't even thank him even on impulse like most people do every day. Until he stops testing us, I'm only relying on Native and Wicca Magic from now on, because if a God like that is apathetic to human suffering, then it's not really God in my eyes.