CIEIR NEWS

Current Events, Entertainment News, Funnies

Letter From The Editor:

It's tough being me sometimes. Every time I think I finally figure the world out, someone or something slaps me in the face, tells me I'm wrong and says it's not only wrong, but I'm evil for thinking it. Then when and if I do things their way, I gets slapped, vilified more and called a conformist. It's like trying to figure out Roddy Piper. Every time I think I got all the answers, some asshole changes the questions. Still I got off light compared to many others.

Current Events:

Man Responsible for Toronto Van Attack Sentenced to Life In Prison:

Alek Minassian, whom many have known to be the sick bastard that ran over 10 people in Toronto, was finally sentenced to Life Imprisonment for murder. However while the man is finally put where he belongs, people are still outraged, because he may be elligible for parole in 25 years. While that is an understandable outrage, I have my own. Why the fuck did it take 4 years to sentence this man? No seriously why the fuck? He killed 10 people, it was proven he did it deliberately and yet, most of the time was wasted on whether or not he was mentally sound while doing this. Who gives a shit, the man killed 10 people with a fucking Van. Either put him in jail or if you really care about the man's mental health, despite you know, killing 10 people, put him in CamH. Hell I'll even do a better idea. Should he get paroled, he should be on probation, forbidden to have a license....ever. Oh wait, since the guy killed 10 people and meant it, he may have a knife or a gun instead. You know, because he wanted to kill people. Jesus Christ. Any prisoners, out there that have internet access, if this guy is in your cell, get him. Now this is filthy rich coming from me, but the guy tried to get out of it by claiming he had autism. That he was unaware of his actions. That didn't work for the Sandy Hook killer, so why the hell did you think it would work for you. You killed 10 people. Rot in prison and stop making the rest of us look bad.

Kyiv Calls For Anti-missile Systems:

Ukraine Prime Minister Volodymyr Zelenskyy says his forces are suffering painful losses in the eastern town of Severodonetsk and the Kharkiv region as he called for more anti-missile systems. He's especially pissed off at the delay for the weapons and supplies he called for earlier, saying that Ukraine has suffered through enough painful losses. While I agree, there is one mistake I believe all sides of the war had made ever since this got started. A mistake each one of you all overlooked. AHEM!!

STOP SAYING YOUR SHIT ON THE NEWS AND INTERNET!!!

I mean for fuck sakes, it's no wonder this war is going on the way it is. Every time Russia and Putin proclaims victory, Ukraine ends up trumping them. Every time Ukraine announces plans for either a cease fire or to further fight back, they end up getting their asses kicked. And every time anyone outside the conflict offers to help one side or the other, we all get threatened. Journalists don't care who win or lose so long as they get the story. They'd drunkenly blab to what they thought was a friend, when it could be an enemy spy in disguise. Wars used to be so simple, if people had a plan of attack, they'd keep it within their circle with the enemy actually putting effort to trying to bring them down. Nowadays everyone with a smartphone and access to world internet would just read the news from outside their country, contact their world leader and the rest is history. I'm not fucking around either. Everyone that's ever had a smartphone, from civilian, to soldier to world leader could literally look up the news of their opposing country and plan accordingly. While others haphazardly brag and gloat prematurely not knowing that everyone can see their shit. It's the Cartman NSA thing all over again. I've seen some stupid shit in my time, but Jesus Christ.

Ivanka Trump Testitmony Causes Her Dad To Act Stupid Again:

Normally I don't do politics, but this one made me laugh. Ivanka Trump testifies that everyone in the campaign knew that the Biden win wasn't fraudulent. Naturally Donnie, comes up and his only defence is that Ivanka wasn't even there when they were studying for said fraud. Donnie-boy, the pipes are already calling for you, the more you talk the deeper you dig. Guys like Nixon and Bill Clinton are laughing at you. That's how pathetic you are now. Just fall asleep with the dwindling billions you have in your mattress and maybe this will all go away.....not.

Entertainment News:

Local Newgrounds News:

Many newgrounders animators got recognized during PicoDay this year. All of them accumulated into this lovely compilation known as FulpWare. A parody of the WarioWare series as seen here:

Check it out and see some writers such as @midgetsausage @mikelzNG and @postboy.

@DocDiegO is offering sketches for $1. Be sure to check the collab section of his profile.

@HztaOra is offering a collab to celebrate pride day. Anyone interested, check here.

Hollywood News:

Pokerface meets Jokerface when Lady Gaga announces her interest to join Joaquin Phoenix in the sequel to the Oscar winning Todd Phillips, epic Joker. While Phillips is waiting for Warner Bros. to close the deal so Joaquin can come back. On one hand I am curious how they follow up on the first movie and hope Warner does the right thing this time and let Phillips do what he wants. Those assholes had no faith in the first movie, yet it ended up making billions and winning Oscars. If they say no to this again, then I have lost faith in them as a company and I have stood by and by when they ruined Snyder's work as well as disarmed Elmer Fudd.

Netflix recently announced that a reality game show based off the hit show Squid Games is coming soon:

You have got to be fucking kidding me. You're making a reality game show, about a bunch of financially desperate people who compete in kids games, in which win, loss, cheat and unsportsman-like behaviour will result in your very likely death........where do I sign up?

In all seriousness, no, you won't get killed if you're lucky enough to be a contestant. Nor will your organs be harvest. The possibility that one of the players could be the head guy running the show is highly likely though. I'd be good at Tug of War and The Cookie Game, but I'd suck at Red Light Green Light. If some jerk from the Korean Mob decides to sneak attack me, I'll drop him though.

Just two days ago, Phillip Baker Hall had passed away. This was a man whom from the 70s to now had a huge career in film and television. His roles ranging from Sergeant Hacker on M*A*S*H to Captain Diel in the Rush Hour movies. His final Role being Zellah in Messiah. The cause of death being emphysema. Rest In Peace Mr. Hall, wherever you go, I'm sure it's far the hell away from Chris Tucker.

Funnies:

Underplayed Car Accident by CIEIRMusic:

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