CIEIR NEWS:

Current Events, Entertainment News, Jokes

Letter From The Editor:

It's been at least one year this July since I lived in these new accommodations and while most of us Canucks think of the 1st and our Neighbours below think of the 4th to celebrate our respective countries. I can't help but think of two things. This fucking heat and the bugs that come with it. Mosquitos, flies, gnats, sand fleas, bees, wasps, you name it it's there. I mean centuries of repellents and insecticides and you'd think they'd find a way to simply keep them out of our homes rather than waste time killing them and waiting for others to show up. Oh wait they have. Bleach. Bed Bugs can't stand the smell of it and you don't even have to use it on them. Just clean and air out the area around that you suspect infestation and they run the fuck away like scared rabbits. Essential oils and certain plants repel other bugs. Hell you might have a remedy of your own that works. Point being that heat brings humidity and humidity brings bugs. The stuff I mentioned and more can kick them the fuck out.

Current Events

Toronto Police Offer $50 000 For Info On Two Shooting Suspects

Live in Toronto? Sick of the fucking shootings that have been happening the past year? Want to do something about it while reaping in the rewards? Look no further than this. Toronto Police is offering $50 000 for the information leading to the arrest of two individuals responsible for two of the many shootings that have happened in Toronto in the past year. The first suspect is Jabreel Elmi, who is wanted for the fatal shooting of beloved youth worker Thane Murray. Despite the name of the victim this is in no connection to the movie Joker. So don't you fucking dare. The second suspect is Mohamed Hassan. Who is wanted for the shooting and first degree murder of Habil Hassan. Whether or not they're related I don't know. Investigators suspect that they are hiding somewhere in the greater Toronto Area. The only thing I ask any Torontonians is that should you find these bastards, whatever reward you do get for them at least half of it should go to the victim's families. They're the one's that have to deal with burying their loved ones and honestly you'd be real pricks if you pocketed the money all to yourself. Other than that, they're looking for information. Don't try to subdue them, don't be a hero and try to take them out. They are to be considered armed and extremely dangerous.

4th Of July Shooting Suspect Charged With 7 Counts Of Murder

Some good news for the families of the victims of the 4th of July Shooting that occurred at a parade celebrating the event in Highland Park, Illinois. They not only got the bastard that did it, but "Good Ole" Robert E. Crimo III has been charged with 7 counts of murder so far. With more charges yet to come and a life sentence. Now for me I'm so so about this and I'll tell you why. Let me go on record and say the following. My heart goes out the families of the victims and I really hope they will eventually get over this. However with that said, the shooting isn't something that surprises me and I'll tell you why for the following 2 reasons. One the location, Illinois, home of Al Capone. Since his reign and downfall, crime is pretty much casual in that state to the point where I think he may have cursed it to happen perpetually. However the second reason is a bit more grounded. It's no surprise that over the years, both Canada and America has had their fair share of dirty laundry. Depending on what side your on in the matter, said laundry is either defended and justified or protested and threatened against. I don't know why this guy would resort to taking a gun to a parade. Maybe he hated America in the state it is now or maybe he thought America was still celebrating lies. I don't know. But while what he did was gruesome and not a way to settle the grievances, you'd be lying to yourself if you think he's the only one that would have done it. There are thousands, millions of people in that state alone whom have differing problems with what's been going on. Some that are agreeable, some not. Each and every one of them probably went through the proper channels, peaceful protests, petitions, things like that. However if and when none of those worked, odds are they decided to take matters into their own hands. That said, it does not justify what this fucker did. But I hope it makes it easier for people to understand so that when the next one comes they can stop them before they even reach their pockets.

Putin Warns West He's Just Getting Started

So Putin just dared the western world to fight him. Claiming he was just getting started. Really? Slaughtering Civilians, destroying their livelyhoods while you're dick has fallen completely off and the country you claim to be doing this for is going broke, is you "Just getting started." Putin, I have no poker face, but I can tell you are fucking bluffing. You're literally losing billions of dollars over this war and we still have your fucking airliner raking in the fines. And from what I've heard, it's not the only plane. So in the words of Jesse Pinkman "Where's our money bitch?" Vlady, Vlady Vlady, you are seriously deluding yourself. I normally don't say this because I feel it would insult certain friends of mine with suicidal tendencies, but in this case I'll make an exception. You should just kill yourself. What you're doing is unjustifiable and you know it's unjustifiable and you don't care. You're the definition of evil. Kill yourself. Same goes to any bastard that supports this shit and tries to provide financial aid to Putin. Kill yourself. Your only chance at this point to right the wrongs you've done and the people you've destroyed is to die. I'm not joking. Do it.

Entertainment News:

Local Newgrounds News:

@beeni and @mock2 have recently announced working on a cartoon known as Rulebenderz. Which their rough animation can be seen here.

@ElectricAngel7482 has recently advertised games on her scratch account. Which can be seen here.

@Thetageist is offering a collab as seen here.

Hollywood News

The world of films has been devastated, as legendary actor James Caan had passed away on July 6. Caan first gained critical fame by playing the role of Santino "Sonny" Corleone. The Hot tempered eldest brother of the Corleone Family, in the hit movie series "The Godfather". Caan has since made it to superstardom as both an actor and a director. The former of which includes such movies as Rollerball, Thief, Misery, Mickey Blue Eyes and Elf. Often typecasted as the rough but well meaning man. The cause of death is unknown at the time but hey it can't be worse than what happened to him here:

RIP James. Annie Wilkes can't get you now.

Jordon Peele's new horror movie Nope is set to release in theatres July 21. This will be his third horror film to date. The first being the surprise success of the hit Psychological Horror, Get Out. The second being the surreal horror called Us. With additional success as the host of the short lived Twilight Zone Reboot. Hopefully with this one though, he goes for the hat trick.

Paul McCartney just recently wished fellow living Beatle Ringo Starr a happy birthday. Starr, now 82 was famous for writing the titular song, Yellow Submarine as well as one of the few celebs out there that for a brief period of time, had been hell bent on answering every single piece of fanmail that was given to him. Which he himself affectionally parodied on the Simpsons episode "Brush With Greatness" (It's the one where Marge draws Mr. Burns naked.) I'm kinda surprised they lived this long that as much as I discourage dead pools, I honestly think people should place their bets between them.

Jokes:

1. In this universe Will Smith slapped Chris Rock for making a joke about his wife. By multiverse theory, three separate universes were created. The first, where Will ignored it and powered through, saving his career. The second where instead of Will, Jada is the slapper. The third and most bizarre one, rather than Chris Rock make a joke, Will heckles him, prompting Chris to leap off the stage and slap him. Destroying his own career. Then in the furthest reaches from the central finite curve, Will and Chris are still friends and they slap the shit out of the comedian that takes the leaders place. No punchline here, I just thought it was funny.....I gotta lay off Rick and Morty.
2. A golfer and a priest are playing a round of golf. The golfer misses his first shot and shouts "Goddammit I missed." The priest warns him "Don't say that or God will punish you." The same happens again and again and the golfer gets tired of hearing it so he just shouts "Goddammit" until he's blue in the mouth. Suddenly the priest gets struck by lightning. Way up in the clouds, God shouts "Me Dammit I missed.'
3. There's a family living in one house. A Mother, Father, Daughter, Grandmother and Grandfather. A nice christian family that harms no one. The daughter, a sweet little girl who says her prayers before bed, gets ready. She prays "God Bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy, God Bless Grandpa, Bye Bye Grandma." The parents are confused, but shrug it off. The next morning, tragically, the grandmother passed away in her sleep. After the funeral, life goes on like normal. The little girl praying once more. "God Bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy, Bye Bye Grandpa." The grandfather has a heart attack on the spot. The father is terrified and just waiting for the next one. After the funeral, the little girl prays once more "God Bless Mommy, Bye Bye Daddy." The dad thinking his number is up, decides to stay at work all night and all day. The day and night comes and goes and the dad is safe. Sighing with relief thinking it's all a coincidence. Then he gets a phone call. "Honey" The mom says. "The mailman dropped dead on our doorstep."

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