CIEIR NEWS

Local News. World News. Entertainment News. Jokes.

Letter from the Editor

I may have lost a contest, but there'll always be more. That aside things have been looking up for me. Events in my personal life have given me an abundance of good luck. I won't say exactly until it's 100% confirmed, but if it happens it will solve all of my problems personal and professional. However despite my good luck not a lot of people are so lucky. Whether it's death, trauma, or just finding something about the world you just don't like. A lot of people including myself have had their fair share of bad luck. Mine lasted 10 years. That being said I wish you all the best of luck.

Local News

Ontario Place Drowning Victim Died

This Sunday afternoon, a Sunday usually known for great summer activities ended in tragedy. When a man was found in Lake Ontario by the local police. Although his identity is unknown, he was confirmed to be a tourist who fell off a tour boat. Sadly, when they took him to the hospital he was already dead. The circumstances of his accident remain unknown. It's tough, people try to have a good time and it's always ruined by the worst of ways. I only hope the family of that man has found some closure and peace, knowing that his body has been found.

World News

What the fuck? Another Virus?

First covid-19, then monkey pox, now the Marburg virus. What the fuck man? stop tampering with nature. So far the outbreak has been in Africa putting the citizens in unrest. However no one around the world is taking their chances, and doing everything in their power to put a stop to it. I hope. But seriously what the fuck did we do God? You at least three waves of pestilence on us. I think we get the message.

Entertainment News

Newgrounds News

A big shoutout to @Dogmuth-Behedog. For becoming user of the week in @TheTankTribune. Cobgratulations.

@Dem0n1x deserves shout out to for achieving 75 fans. Currently at 76, I personally wish you the best of luck at getting to 100.

A HUUUUUUUUUGE SHOUTOUT TO @TaintedLogic for hosting the the 2022 Newgrounds Underdogs' Audio Vontest. Sincere congratulations to the contestants that made it to the next round. A sincere apology for those that didn't make it. Better luck next time. And I thank you to the judges for being firm and fair in the contest. Maybe I might enter next year.

Hollywood News

I regret the inform you fellow trekkies, but veteran actress Nichelle Nichols has passed away. The actress made famous for playing Lieutenant Uhura. The communications officer and linguist for the USS Enterprise NCC-1701. The less said about her elderly self doing the naked fan dance in Star Trek 5 the better. Nichelle Nichols revolutionized television as we know it, by being the first POC to have a serious role in a television show or movie. As well as performing the first interracial kiss on national television with co-star William Shatner. She has been the inspiration of famous actresses such as Whoopi Goldberg. She has been one of many Star Trek alumni to lend her voice on The Simpsons. Clearly showing she had great range in Arts. She also advocated for more minorities in the NASA astronaut programs . Clearly living up to her character. This recent demise results in Three Star Trek cast members left. William Shatner, Walter Koenig and George takei. Rest in peace and live long and prosper.

Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese reunite for another movie call The Wager. Based off a nonfiction book about a boat of the same name. The HMS wager. This will have been their sixth project together, making Leonardo DiCaprio on par with Robert De Niro as the most recurring actor in Scorsese films. Sorry guys that title belongs to his mom and dad they've been in every one of his movies even in photos.

Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon Reunite after a devastating split in 2016. The couple's more stronger than ever. You got to hand it to them Osbournes they don't know when to quit.

Jokes

1. This is about a simple family. A daughter, a mother, a father, a grandmother, a grandfather. They all live under the same roof. Nice people when they need to be. The daughter most precious of all. One night, before bed, the parents watch the daughter say her prayers at night. " God bless Mommy God bless Daddy. God bless Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa." The parents were shocked at what they heard but they Shrugged It Off. The next day the grandfather died. They thought it was coincidence. The next night, the daughter goes to say her prayers again. " God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Bye bye Grandma." They were shocked again, but this time they waited. They watched the grandmother while she slept and saw her die. The parents are scared. The dad especially, because he sees it going down the line and he's next. That night, the daughter says her prayers once more "God bless Mommy. Bye-bye Daddy." The daddy screams and runs out the door. He decides to spend the whole day in the office surrounded by Soft things so nothing would hurt him. The day comes and goes and nothing happens. The dad is confused. He gets a phone call. It's from the mom. She said "Honey, the mailman is dead. He got struck by lightning while he was on his way to give us mail."

2. If you are reading this dial 911. We are being attacked by killer tomatoes. Send a SWAT team to garble garble I'm dying garble garble they're eating my head garbled.

3. This joke is in tribute to Robin Williams. Bono once had a concert in Scotland and it was all quiet. Then he started clapping his hands. He says "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." In the back of the Scottish audience; one man shouts. "THEN STOP CLAPPING YOUR HANDS YOU EVIL BASTARD!!"

Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.