Been busy the past couple of days, but not to worry, things are good, but I felt bad not giving something out so here's something funny I came up with.
Proper English To Real English Phrase Guide:
For Those of High Class Vocabulary Having Difficulty Understanding The Common Person.
Chapter 1: Common Greetings and Phrases.
Proper English: Salutations, tis a fine morning indeed, is it not?
Real English: How's it going? Is it hotter out here or is it just me?
Proper English: Pardon my intrusion, I was inquiring if you could inform me the directions to the local athenaeum. I wish to return some literature there.
Real English: Hey, do you know where the library is? My books are fucking overdue.
Proper English: Would you care to join me in the local tavern for a pint of their exquisite lager, which is certain to inebriate us all?
Real English: Wanna go to the bar and get fucking wrecked?
Proper English: I owe you the deepest sincere of apologies. I realized that I have made an error.
Real English: Sorry. I fucked up.
Proper English: Welcome to my humble abode. Make yourselves comfortable, but please remove all footwear, I've just cleaned my finest of carpets. There will be hell to pay, if but a speck of dirt molests it. (For those who don't know and have a dirty mind, the word "Molest" in this context means "To bother".)
Real English: Hey guy's, come on in, have a seat. If you drag your dirty shoes on my rug I'll fucking kill you.
That's all I could think of for now, but I'll think of more.
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My main inspiration was Monty Python, but I can see the resemblance. Lol.