Been busy the past couple of days, but not to worry, things are good, but I felt bad not giving something out so here's something funny I came up with.

Proper English To Real English Phrase Guide:

For Those of High Class Vocabulary Having Difficulty Understanding The Common Person.

Chapter 1: Common Greetings and Phrases.

Proper English: Salutations, tis a fine morning indeed, is it not?

Real English: How's it going? Is it hotter out here or is it just me?

Proper English: Pardon my intrusion, I was inquiring if you could inform me the directions to the local athenaeum. I wish to return some literature there.

Real English: Hey, do you know where the library is? My books are fucking overdue.

Proper English: Would you care to join me in the local tavern for a pint of their exquisite lager, which is certain to inebriate us all?

Real English: Wanna go to the bar and get fucking wrecked?

Proper English: I owe you the deepest sincere of apologies. I realized that I have made an error.

Real English: Sorry. I fucked up.

Proper English: Welcome to my humble abode. Make yourselves comfortable, but please remove all footwear, I've just cleaned my finest of carpets. There will be hell to pay, if but a speck of dirt molests it. (For those who don't know and have a dirty mind, the word "Molest" in this context means "To bother".)

Real English: Hey guy's, come on in, have a seat. If you drag your dirty shoes on my rug I'll fucking kill you.

That's all I could think of for now, but I'll think of more.