First of all I want to apologize if some of my fans or any onlookers of my previous articles thought I was nuts. It's fine if you do and I don't give a damn, but at the same time, your opinion.

However what I am about to say, is a little crazy compared to what I've mentioned before, but at the same time also very sane.

Over the years, ever since we were all kids, we were often told of the following things. On one hand we were often told that certain people or places are bad influences. On the other hand, whenever we do things so stupid or dangerous that screw things up with us in the long run, we get no sympathy because the same people tell us it was our choice to do it. I always found it odd regarding the flip flop of it all.

If anything I thought the choice thing was bullshit depending on the circumstances.

For example, someone who does drugs, chooses to do so in the end. That's just how it is. However, what is it that often allows them to choose? Is it the freedom of it or is it because they caved into peer pressure.

Myself, there have been things I did choose to do good and bad, which I had no excuse for as I did them. However, that being said, it doesn't mean that sometimes I was not influenced by something or someone.

Other times the choice is made for me behind my back, due to circumstances beyond my control and yet despite all evidence to the contrary, those that chose for me make the bullshit claim that I chose to do things.

Case in point, I never asked to move into the town I moved into 27 years ago. Yet because I continue to stay, even those that dragged me there against my will tell me it's my choice, because I choose to stay. Back then, I just wanted to go back to my home town as it was more peaceful and I probably would have had a better life. Granted a boring one, but a better one.

Yet when I lived there long enough, there were things in my life that made me hesitant to leave. First, making new friends and meeting new family. Second, the good and bad sides of the town, piqued my curiosity and my sense of adventure. There was so much to do, so much to see and so much to explore. And up until now I always thought I chose to see it. Yet now in the back of my mind, I feel like be it by human, deity, time or simply the temptation of sight, I feel like a lot of it was chosen for me. That somehow the town had some kind of living soul that just kept pointing me in different directions all my life. As a kid, parents and even teachers whom were not aware of my Asperger's syndrome at the time and merely thought I was suffering from ADHD, complained about my wanderings around even a small area like a classroom. And I myself wondered why I did that. Hell even to this day I wander around. Exploring the streets to see if there is something or someone new. Expanding my travel palette, by going outside the boundaries of my town to see if there's stuff I haven't seen yet. Such as the PATH downtown.

Yet it often was the result of people showing me things I haven't heard of, seen or even remember being in. While I choose to explore these places, I often felt a pull towards them when it was time to explore them. And that's just the line between choice and influence regarding my travel plans.

There are a lot of lines between choices and influences:

1. We choose whether or not to do drugs, but peer pressure is what influences it.
2. We choose whether or not to get into fights, yet outside influences would goad towards the whether, by calling us names like "Coward", "Chicken" and "Pussy".
3. We choose whether or not we should get rich or poor. Yet we are influenced by those with a view of which one is better or worse.

The only thing we often have no choice on, is whether or not we want to die. As Death comes in all forms. Disease, Accident, Murder, Famine, you name it. Death comes for us all. Yet, whether it's a slow death or a quick death is a mix of choice and influence.

Some choose to keep living, despite an incurable disease killing them, because they want to soak up as much as life as they can. With the only influence, being the friends and family being the direct influence on whether or not they should just live or die.

Others choose to die, despite having so much to live fore, because they feel either nothing is left or all their struggles were for nothing. With the influence being the empty feeling one feels inside or people whom would benefit from their death, using words to bring them down. "Go ahead. Do it. The world doesn't want you. You're not special. You're not unique. You're just a piece of shit like the rest of us." And so on.

I seen it many times in many forms and at one point, whenever I feel that something terrible has happened as the result of Influence outweighing choice, I get countered with them saying it was nothing but choice. I don't believe that.

I believe that every decision in our life depends on which side outweighs the scale. For example, someone already a drug addict, just heard of a new drug, is hesitant, but the environment surrounding them, the addictions cropping up and the other people doing it and coercing them, make them more inclined to choose to do so.

It's one of the reasons why I believe addiction is Physical, Mental, Emotional, Environmental and Spiritual.

But the environment is the most triggering of them all. One could literally live in a hut off the grid and be less tempted to do the stupid shit others do in a developed part of the world. It's influence is so strong, that even the most saintly of people succumb to it and become broken and worse people.

I myself have tried to be an example that no matter the environment, I would always be ok, as I wouldn't let it get to me. The influence not having as strong as a pull towards the dark sides of life. Yet no matter where I go, those dark sides continue to follow me and try to influence me. Trying to plant seeds in my head regarding the people I care about, hurting innocent people and to top it off, when all is said in done, I get blamed whether I choose to get involved or not. Why? Because I don't do the things that others do, nor do I want to and they can never understand why.

They can never understand why I was able to be above the influence and move on with my life no matter what shit was thrown at me. Hell I just found out that certain people in my personal life, have done horrible things both directly and indirectly to the people I care about. Including but not limited to finding out a loved one of mine was most likely murdered despite evidence to the contrary. Said loved one was someone that wasn't easy for me to get along with, mainly because I was disappointed that the person would rather waste their potential on hard drugs and alcohol. Only to find out that despite that, they found themselves in an environment where they were given something worse and it eventually killed them. Needless to say I was pissed, saddened and severely depressed. To the point where I had to double my efforts into finding therapy.

Part of why it's difficult for me, is despite my disorder, I'm a statistic. They seen those like me before with similar disorders, similar lives. But never take the time to address individuals' wants, needs and desires regarding said therapy. I was worried that I'd just be dismissed at best or make even the best Shrinks quit their jobs. That they'd rather drug me up than actually find help for me. They can handle the disorder, but they can't handle me as an individual. And that influences my choice to whether or not I want help. That said, I choose to continue to seek it, because I do believe there is a chance there is someone out there that puts the person first and the disorder second. Someone or something out there that has more answers than even the most advanced Psychiatrists could ever hope to achieve. With the only influence guiding me, being friends and family concerned for my wellbeing even if some don't believe what I'm going through.

The things I want and desire, at this point in my life is to live the rest of my life in peace, with nothing else to do, but hang out with as many friends and family as well as the person I love, with no drama, no hassle, nothing but peace.

Yet according to the modern world, it's not an easy thing to choose or influence. Since so many people and I'm no exception are constantly at each other's throats. I'm sick of having so much hate in my heart, that I could barely love. I'm sick of having difficulty sleeping and even more difficulty dreaming. I'm sick of seeing bad people do bad things and good people getting so corrupt by it, that they consider doing bad things as well.

Truth be told, I am sick of the modern world. The people before their dependence on it, didn't have much, but they at least had each other. This net, while a great tool, was never meant to be a hold on life. Merely a way of making life a little easier, but at the cost of lack of interaction in person. And to me, it's one of the worst influences I have ever come across.

When I started out, I never wanted to fight anyone, just promote my music and hope to move forward from there. Yet so much drama and bullshit and bad influences, swept over me that this became a crutch rather than a small aid. I got into many fights on the net over the years. Said many nasty things, some I regret, some I don't. But as I grow up I realize one thing:

This is all extremely stupid and we need to stop.

When it started out, I used to like sites like this, but they are now a constant reminder that others have it better than me whether they deserve it or not.

So with my own influence I implore you to choose. Live real life or live the rest of your lives wasting away to nothing, staring at a screen. Where you go from there, is a choice I leave to you.

I think it's high time we need to change and if the net doesn't like it, it can go fuck itself.