Follow up from this:
Holy Mother of Fucking Jesus H. Christ Shit!!
After my revelation, part of what motivates me in keeping going in life, no matter what has been thrown at me, is that although this is nothing new, I view life as an elaborate game. Whether it's board games like Chess or video games like Final Fantasy, I always felt that in order to succeed, I needed to know where I stood on the board. It was my most difficult problems in my whole life and why the lie thing was a big deal to me. I had a feeling that even the most benevolent members of my circle were playing games with my mind and heart, for purposes I only barely know. And while some had the best intentions in heart, some had also in an attempt to help, had overstepped and it made me hard to get along with them, because I didn't know what their end goals are.
In my case, if there ever was a game I couldn't win, be it on screen, on board or on life, I would do the following.
In a game that's easy, you push a button, you wipe the pieces off the board or you just play a different game.
In life that is very difficult and painful. In my case, my life was so complicated I was at a point on who I would trust to get me through my own game of life. Who stands on the board, whom benefits from my success and whom revels in my failures. So I even had to go so far as hurt the people I cared about, just so I could detach myself from it all and even flee the area, because I couldn't stand the board any longer. Once I was out, that's when I realized where I stood on the board.
In terms of Chess I started off like anyone else, like a pawn. Limited movement, one space diagonal strikes, but if I made it to the other end of the board I could be anything I wanted to be. The choices being, a Queen, Rook, Bishop or Knight. However while I am now getting seldom good at chess, I realized I had the same problem as I had with everyone else. I focused on once piece I thought had more of an advantage, but neglected the others. It's why my usual strategy was basically fight to the last piece because I figured if I was gonna lose, I'd go down swinging. But after changing my tactics and playing both sides, black and white, I figured out where I really stood on the board then. I was a pawn, whom had the potential to become a King, but had trouble deciding which I should be until then. Which in terms of chess, even the most novice of players would think simple. Pick the piece with the most advantage. So in life I started playing other roles, with knight as my core.
For context, Knights move in an L shaped direction in order to move or strike at other pieces. Their con is limited movement, but their pro is the moves they make are so unpredictable that even the most shitty of chess players know that if they had a chance they'd have to take that one out first. Then you have the Rook. whom can only move up down or left and right. The con being that they can't move diagonally, but the pro being that as limited the movement, they can still move anywhere. Then you have the bishop. Whom can only move diagonally. Perfect for taking out pawns that strike your pieces at the right moment. Pro being they're good strikers, con being they can only move diagonally. Then you have the Queen. Whom can move anywhere she wants. While that sounds like a big advantage, there are some cons. Most people get too cocky with their queens and can lose them if they're not careful. Now each of those pieces by themselves are special individually, but together, with the right player behind them, they can be unstoppable. But that's only if you're playing within the rules of the game itself.
As much as I try to simplify life, some parts of that life are not simple. Chess has rules. Life doesn't. Meaning if one was still sticking with the chess motif, they have a tendency to screw things up. Some people think they have to be one piece and move on their own and although it's a risk some are successful that way. Others like me, try to see whom stands where on the board and whether or not they're with me, against me or one of those people that play both sides. It's why most people fuck up on using chess alone to strategize their life. Even if they're good at the game, they're not always good at applying it to life. In my case in the Chess only section of my life I had to think beyond the boundaries of the rules. The pieces still play by their rules, I just had to figure out which pieces fit where based on their personalities. To further break it down.
- Pawns are often a representative of the average person. In terms of the medieval theme of the game, they are the peasants, shopkeepers, blacksmiths, chefs, you name it. Anyone that's worked a menial job to get by or has been in a stable position of their life where they don't want more or do, is a pawn. The other pieces use them as cannon fodder, not caring who they are as people as long as it benefits their game. I myself was sick of being one of those people, because it felt like my life was a lie and I had no control over it. Having said, that pawns do have a distinct advantage. Although sometimes they have to make it to the end of the board to become something else, they have an advantage of being unassuming, while the other players focus on the more advanced pieces. Hell when I played chess I was surprised a pawn could do that. But nowadays it reminds me of that scene in Fight Club.
- Bishops are exactly what they're named after. People of faith or lack thereof, be it Priests, Rabbis, Imam or Richard Dawkins worshippers, their main advantage in life is that their words have enough meaning that the pawns would either follow it or fight against it. And despite the faithful name, not all bishops are aligned with good. There are those in my life I label Dark Bishops. When you hear a Bishop and apply it to any religious position, what do you see. Someone whom believes in faith, order, love and justice. A Dark Bishop is the polar opposite of that, someone whom gives deceit, hate, chaos and crime. But their roles are relatively the same. They talk and move shady directions to succeed in their wins.
- Knights, represent bravery and unpredictability and part of the advantage of pawns is that one can become one among most things. Meaning knights could be anyone, from the ones use Might For Right, fighting for a cause they believe in. Where others use Might Is Right, where they believe fighting is the cause. But if you're not careful, you can mistake a pawn for a knight. Me I've literally incorporated the Knight's moves and mindset in my own arsenal, to the point where I'm instinctively moving in L shaped directions simply for better luck.
- Rooks are the only non humanoid piece on the board. Which is why they move down and across. They represent the foundation of one whom is trying to build something. Hence why one of their nicknames is "The Castle" but it can apply to anything, building a house or starting a company, but essentially they represent every structure you've witnessed being built over the years, from a simple house, to a chain of stores to the major company buildings, to even political houses from the House of Commons in Canada to Buckingham Palace in England. Some private and some open to the public. The problem in this aspect is there are too many rooks out there as it is, I don't know where I can place mine no matter how much I build them. But then I realized there is a time and place to start foundations and wait for the others to build up on them, if you can't do it yourself. It's one of the reasons why my struggles to sell my art were difficult. I was doing too much, when I should have just left a simple advertisement and see where it built from there. Now that I know the proper way to set up and use rooks, I know where I stand in life with them.
- Queens often represent people regardless of sex, whom have the power and freedom to go where they want and do what they want without limits. Certain people I knew in life, embody that personality and I've often tried to live by that example, because while I do appreciate freedom, it's hard to enjoy it, because there is a lot of responsibility to maintain that freedom. Some Queens do take their time and limit their moves. Others go all out and crash and burn.
- Then you have the King. Someone of limited movement, but the one you have to take out to win the game. Now when I first started playing chess, I always wondered why someone of a powerful position like that would make limited movements, even in real life they still play by that rule. It wasn't until I started applying chess to other aspects of life good and bad. In terms of good, most kings, be it Monarchy or Politicians often take their time to plan their stuff out, not give away too much and act accordingly to their people's reactions good and bad. In terms of evil, be it Gangsters, Dictators or Terrorists, they do the same thing, but with a more ruthless mindset. It's the one piece that no matter what walk of life you come from, you all want to be. In my case, I didn't. I ran as far away from the personal throne that is my own kingdom of life, because I didn't want that responsibility. It was thrusted upon me. Even complete strangers whom don't know who I am, often ask me for advice or at the very least a cigarette. But I wasn't in a hurry, because I still didn't know where I stood at the board.
To sum up my life in Chess, I was a pawn, whom didn't want to be a king, but couldn't decide one choice on who I wish to be, because each character had a unique talent and a unique disadvantage. If I played by the rules of the game to a letter, I would have to choose one piece and be done with it, but I am someone whom thinks outside the box. In this case, willing to break the rules of the game in order to succeed. I was a pawn, whom tried to walk like a knight, talk like a bishop, build rooks as I went along and have the freedom of a Queen. But the only thing I didn't want to do at the time, was live like a king, because I didn't want it and even if I did, I didn't feel like I deserved it. Then I realized, maybe that was what the makings of a king is all about. Because when you get down to it, it may be the less powerful piece it combines all the great stuff about the others. The freedom to move anywhere like a queen, but with limited space like a pawn, the unpredictability of a knight and the sneakiness of a bishop. To put it plainly, I was a pawn building my way into becoming a king. Moving on both sides of the board and choosing the right piece at the time to be, while at the same time combine all aspects of both. To put it plainly, we all can be kings. Some can go as is, but others have to work their way through it.
Now, Chess has become so popular that it's often been a staple of either plots, settings or even characters in movies. It's often a sign that the characters are intelligent enough to use the board in life, like they do in the game. Like two certain mutants that are fenemies:
Or the game itself can be considered a way of life, like in No Game No Life:
Now that's just describing my life as a chess player. In terms of games in general, I am well versed, from board games to video games and when a board game is not enough, I flip the switch and play Nintendo.
Now video games, depending on which generation can often be described in two ways. The first is simply playing for points. That's been a staple since Pong, but the trick was finding creative ways to get said points. Then there were games that told stories. Games like Mario, Zelda and even newer games like the Batman Arkham Series. Some people prefer to stick to the story and see it through to the end. Others look around the game to find hidden gems.
In my case, I treated my life more like an action adventure, with some RPG rules. Building up experience, but basically trying to go everywhere, do everything and find the hidden gems in my own world that most people either never knew or never cared to look.
However, if there is one constant all gamers in the millennia there have been games, which is often a blessing or a curse. Is that some players, do not know when to quit when it's necessary. I was the worst offender on that one. Be it games or life I never gave up, even when there were times where I should at the very least slow down and take a break. And when I figured that part out in small doses I tried to convince other players to do the same. Some successful, some not. But sometimes much like a rage quit, one taking a break would often require an overabundance of emotional imbalance.
However, although I seen the lesson many times, it has to be said not just to myself, but any other "Gamer" in this scenario:
Sometimes, the only winning move is not to play. Those that keep the game going, would exhaust or even kill themselves over the stresses of trying to win. Others, whom did win, paid an ultimate price one way or another, that left little room for enjoyment. Sometimes others get hurt in the process.
But here's where it should be most prominent. Because whether you know it or not, whether you mean to or not, you, me and everyone else in this fucking world is playing games with each other. You've even heard me say it on occasion, whenever I seemed to score a victory in a net argument "I win." or some shit like that. But what you fail to realize is that whenever I stop arguing or god forbid block players from continuing to play with me, it's because the game is boring, not worth time and energy and not worth playing. In all essence the people that thought they won their arguments, didn't piss me off, they bored me. They were no longer worth the time and energy and I simply try to move on with my life.
Some of you try to keep going until you get bored yourself. Others keep going, failing to realize the damage they done before it's too late. And some just keep playing this fucking life game until they die. Me. If a game gets too boring, or very hard to play. I quit. Simple as that.
Now I have a message to everyone, this includes friend and foe, so forgive me friends and fans if I sound harsh about this one. But this was a long time message coming.
Attention everyone:
STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH ME AND STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH EACH OTHER!!! GROW THE FUCK UP AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE!!! NOT EVERY LEVEL IS A WIN!!! NOT EVERY WIN IS SATISFYING!!! TURN THE GAME OFF!!!
Thank you.
Take care stay safe and stay tuned for more.