Amateur Filmmaker, Author, Cartoonist, Musician and defictionalizer (Finding truth in fiction), mostly here to promote my music to indie developers that need it.
Due to recent events in my personal life, I managed to find a new affordable place to live. The somewhat bad news is that I'll be without internet for a while. However not only will I try to get back online as soon as possible. Once things get sorted out, I will not only be able to post more stuff, I will have enough space to make more stuff. That's right. Place is big enough for me to make a small studio. So I can properly record my voice work and even try to audition for other people's. Oh ya for the first time in a long while things have finally been looking up for me. I am happier than I ever been for years.
I would like to thank each and everyone of my fans and friends for following me this far in my career and life.
Hell I'm so happy I also would like to thank those I've ticked off and those who ticked me off. No journey is without overcoming obstacles. So thank you too.
Local News. World News. Entertainment News. Jokes.
Letter from the Editor
I may have lost a contest, but there'll always be more. That aside things have been looking up for me. Events in my personal life have given me an abundance of good luck. I won't say exactly until it's 100% confirmed, but if it happens it will solve all of my problems personal and professional. However despite my good luck not a lot of people are so lucky. Whether it's death, trauma, or just finding something about the world you just don't like. A lot of people including myself have had their fair share of bad luck. Mine lasted 10 years. That being said I wish you all the best of luck.
Local News
Ontario Place Drowning Victim Died
This Sunday afternoon, a Sunday usually known for great summer activities ended in tragedy. When a man was found in Lake Ontario by the local police. Although his identity is unknown, he was confirmed to be a tourist who fell off a tour boat. Sadly, when they took him to the hospital he was already dead. The circumstances of his accident remain unknown. It's tough, people try to have a good time and it's always ruined by the worst of ways. I only hope the family of that man has found some closure and peace, knowing that his body has been found.
World News
What the fuck? Another Virus?
First covid-19, then monkey pox, now the Marburg virus. What the fuck man? stop tampering with nature. So far the outbreak has been in Africa putting the citizens in unrest. However no one around the world is taking their chances, and doing everything in their power to put a stop to it. I hope. But seriously what the fuck did we do God? You at least three waves of pestilence on us. I think we get the message.
@Dem0n1x deserves shout out to for achieving 75 fans. Currently at 76, I personally wish you the best of luck at getting to 100.
A HUUUUUUUUUGE SHOUTOUT TO @TaintedLogic for hosting the the 2022 Newgrounds Underdogs' Audio Vontest. Sincere congratulations to the contestants that made it to the next round. A sincere apology for those that didn't make it. Better luck next time. And I thank you to the judges for being firm and fair in the contest. Maybe I might enter next year.
Hollywood News
I regret the inform you fellow trekkies, but veteran actress Nichelle Nichols has passed away. The actress made famous for playing Lieutenant Uhura. The communications officer and linguist for the USS Enterprise NCC-1701. The less said about her elderly self doing the naked fan dance in Star Trek 5 the better. Nichelle Nichols revolutionized television as we know it, by being the first POC to have a serious role in a television show or movie. As well as performing the first interracial kiss on national television with co-star William Shatner. She has been the inspiration of famous actresses such as Whoopi Goldberg. She has been one of many Star Trek alumni to lend her voice on The Simpsons. Clearly showing she had great range in Arts. She also advocated for more minorities in the NASA astronaut programs . Clearly living up to her character. This recent demise results in Three Star Trek cast members left. William Shatner, Walter Koenig and George takei. Rest in peace and live long and prosper.
Leonardo DiCaprio and Martin Scorsese reunite for another movie call The Wager. Based off a nonfiction book about a boat of the same name. The HMS wager. This will have been their sixth project together, making Leonardo DiCaprio on par with Robert De Niro as the most recurring actor in Scorsese films. Sorry guys that title belongs to his mom and dad they've been in every one of his movies even in photos.
Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon Reunite after a devastating split in 2016. The couple's more stronger than ever. You got to hand it to them Osbournes they don't know when to quit.
Jokes
1. This is about a simple family. A daughter, a mother, a father, a grandmother, a grandfather. They all live under the same roof. Nice people when they need to be. The daughter most precious of all. One night, before bed, the parents watch the daughter say her prayers at night. " God bless Mommy God bless Daddy. God bless Grandma. Bye bye Grandpa." The parents were shocked at what they heard but they Shrugged It Off. The next day the grandfather died. They thought it was coincidence. The next night, the daughter goes to say her prayers again. " God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Bye bye Grandma." They were shocked again, but this time they waited. They watched the grandmother while she slept and saw her die. The parents are scared. The dad especially, because he sees it going down the line and he's next. That night, the daughter says her prayers once more "God bless Mommy. Bye-bye Daddy." The daddy screams and runs out the door. He decides to spend the whole day in the office surrounded by Soft things so nothing would hurt him. The day comes and goes and nothing happens. The dad is confused. He gets a phone call. It's from the mom. She said "Honey, the mailman is dead. He got struck by lightning while he was on his way to give us mail."
2. If you are reading this dial 911. We are being attacked by killer tomatoes. Send a SWAT team to garble garble I'm dying garble garble they're eating my head garbled.
3. This joke is in tribute to Robin Williams. Bono once had a concert in Scotland and it was all quiet. Then he started clapping his hands. He says "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." In the back of the Scottish audience; one man shouts. "THEN STOP CLAPPING YOUR HANDS YOU EVIL BASTARD!!"
Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.
As most know I did a series known as Lovecraft Noir. A noir style horror series about a detective and an otherworldly monster named Eldra, whom recently grew to care about the human race despite her atrocities before.
The creative bug bit me again in the form of a PSA I did for kicks as seen here:
After that, just recently I got inspired to do a full series focused solely on Eldra and how she'd handle life between her duties as a heroine, by sampling some of Earth's pleasures and giving lessons to the listener on how to better enjoy them.
This one took me hours to do and at this point I was writing by the seat of my pants, but here it is:
While Shane prepares for his first outing, a Temple 15 blocks from where he lived. There were a group of people in indigo robes, performing an annual full moon seance to see into the future. The spirits of their ancestors, plus their deities, give them this message.
Spirits: We come to you all once a year. You welcome us with all your cheer. I fear though the days will go dark. As Evil approaches near your park. Two figures dressed in black. Are here to torment for their lack. Their soul is rotten, their intentions bad. They will take every thing you've had. This Dark Divide will destroy us all. Through chaos and anarchy Earth Will Fall. Fret not my children for no hope is lost. A hero would rise to cover the cost. One with darkness in their heart, but righteousness in their soul. To save us all is his only goal. His music will rise, but his journey is slow. For he needs ways to strike some blows. He'll use his music as his front. While he recruits those willing to do dangerous stunts. Two diamonds in the rough will be their ally. One of them will have the spirit of a fox that is so sly. For this Harmony of Light will come from those three. As they work together to succeed. Spreading music and love all over the way. Fighting crime and evil, when it's no longer day. Their hearts are in the right place, their fists made of steel. The ability to bring evil to a heel. This trio of justice will not disappoint. As they march back and forth protecting this joint. Drop your neutral stance this time. For the hero needs help to understand crime. As well as learn how to get people on his side. And so ends this long prophecy. Do with it what you will, we may like what we see. Farewell my children.
They disappear and the monks and priestesses talk among themselves. 4 were present. The head abbot, two priestesses and a young monk who was on duty at the time.
Young Monk: They told us not to be neutral in this. This must be serious.
Old Priestess: It's not that simple though. How can we be sure this hero will show up? They've been wrong before.
Young Priestess: And who is this great evil they speak of?
Head Abbot: I have heard all your arguments and you make great points. However I have faith in the spirits and if they need our help, we have to help. If this Dark Righteous figure exists, it's our obligation to train him. Training is a neutral thing. We are not responsible for what this individual does with the training. This individual though must come to us. I've only seen a few that fit the bill. We just have to wait and see.
Meanwhile 15 blocks away.
Shane: So far nothing's happened. I'm just waiting in an alley and...talking to myself. Shit. This is a bad idea. I should have gotten a sidekick or a partner. Wait a minute...what's that noise.
A few feet away.
Random Woman: Get off of me.
S.T.: Goddammit. I thought I was going to get a mugger and instead my first fight is with a group of Rape Robbers. I better take a closer look.
S.T. stealthly sneaks around, his black clothes blending with the Shadows. He peaks around the corner and sees three men in black clothes restraining a teenage girl.
Meet Shane. An aspiring entertainer, who seeks to spread his art all over the world. Raised in a high crime rated town. Shane practically has ringside seats to every crime imaginable. Muggings, Rapes, Murders, Gang Wars, you name it he's either seen it or heard stories about it.
One day, while he was coping using weed and booze. He decides.
Shane: No one else is gonna do this. So I'll have to. I'm gonna take these fuckers out, one at a time. Give them such a beating and force them to stop harming innocent people. I'll wear inconspicuous clothes and get the drop on them.
And so he trains and puts together a generic one piece black suit with ski mask. He marches the streets at night in search of crime wherever it may follow.
Author's Note:
I wanted to expand on the Album I made for CIEIRMusic and S.T.'s Lore. So I will make a story with each song. I figured it'd be funny if a Superhero's origin story just amounted to "You know what? I'm just gonna beat the crap out of them."
This is a special report as it only follows one topic. Sudden events that have transpired will on this day forth be done in separate articles. So what better way to start than the events that transpired yesterday.
As most know or don't know on July 8 2022, there has been a massive nation wide outage of internet, cable and phone service from the Canadian company known as Rogers. Anyone who has had service from Rogers themselves, including their sub companies such as the cell phone companies Chatr and Fido, was without service for the entire day. Including yours truly.
As a result not only were individual customers affected, but businesses that use Rogers for their service have been reduced to taking only cash and credit as online banking and wireless transactions through ABMs, have been shut down.
While the cause is currently unknown and under investigation, many have debated on what could have happened. Debates, rumors and conspiracy theories, including but not limited the possibility that this was a cyber attack. Many of which even going so far as blaming Russia and Putin, accusing him of retaliating for our share of aid in Ukraine.
While I have not 100% certainty, I myself believe it to be either that or Rogers simply being a shitty company. The other services were still intact, such as Bell, Telus and so on, but yet Rogers is not only the only one affected, but it seems too convenient that of all the companies to attack, they attack the one that 90% of Canada depends on for their personal and professional lives.
That being said, this should be a valuable lesson for one to learn. Never be overdependent on the internet, for it may go away soon and you wouldn't know what to do with yourself when it does.
Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.
It's been at least one year this July since I lived in these new accommodations and while most of us Canucks think of the 1st and our Neighbours below think of the 4th to celebrate our respective countries. I can't help but think of two things. This fucking heat and the bugs that come with it. Mosquitos, flies, gnats, sand fleas, bees, wasps, you name it it's there. I mean centuries of repellents and insecticides and you'd think they'd find a way to simply keep them out of our homes rather than waste time killing them and waiting for others to show up. Oh wait they have. Bleach. Bed Bugs can't stand the smell of it and you don't even have to use it on them. Just clean and air out the area around that you suspect infestation and they run the fuck away like scared rabbits. Essential oils and certain plants repel other bugs. Hell you might have a remedy of your own that works. Point being that heat brings humidity and humidity brings bugs. The stuff I mentioned and more can kick them the fuck out.
Current Events
Toronto Police Offer $50 000 For Info On Two Shooting Suspects
Live in Toronto? Sick of the fucking shootings that have been happening the past year? Want to do something about it while reaping in the rewards? Look no further than this. Toronto Police is offering $50 000 for the information leading to the arrest of two individuals responsible for two of the many shootings that have happened in Toronto in the past year. The first suspect is Jabreel Elmi, who is wanted for the fatal shooting of beloved youth worker Thane Murray. Despite the name of the victim this is in no connection to the movie Joker. So don't you fucking dare. The second suspect is Mohamed Hassan. Who is wanted for the shooting and first degree murder of Habil Hassan. Whether or not they're related I don't know. Investigators suspect that they are hiding somewhere in the greater Toronto Area. The only thing I ask any Torontonians is that should you find these bastards, whatever reward you do get for them at least half of it should go to the victim's families. They're the one's that have to deal with burying their loved ones and honestly you'd be real pricks if you pocketed the money all to yourself. Other than that, they're looking for information. Don't try to subdue them, don't be a hero and try to take them out. They are to be considered armed and extremely dangerous.
4th Of July Shooting Suspect Charged With 7 Counts Of Murder
Some good news for the families of the victims of the 4th of July Shooting that occurred at a parade celebrating the event in Highland Park, Illinois. They not only got the bastard that did it, but "Good Ole" Robert E. Crimo III has been charged with 7 counts of murder so far. With more charges yet to come and a life sentence. Now for me I'm so so about this and I'll tell you why. Let me go on record and say the following. My heart goes out the families of the victims and I really hope they will eventually get over this. However with that said, the shooting isn't something that surprises me and I'll tell you why for the following 2 reasons. One the location, Illinois, home of Al Capone. Since his reign and downfall, crime is pretty much casual in that state to the point where I think he may have cursed it to happen perpetually. However the second reason is a bit more grounded. It's no surprise that over the years, both Canada and America has had their fair share of dirty laundry. Depending on what side your on in the matter, said laundry is either defended and justified or protested and threatened against. I don't know why this guy would resort to taking a gun to a parade. Maybe he hated America in the state it is now or maybe he thought America was still celebrating lies. I don't know. But while what he did was gruesome and not a way to settle the grievances, you'd be lying to yourself if you think he's the only one that would have done it. There are thousands, millions of people in that state alone whom have differing problems with what's been going on. Some that are agreeable, some not. Each and every one of them probably went through the proper channels, peaceful protests, petitions, things like that. However if and when none of those worked, odds are they decided to take matters into their own hands. That said, it does not justify what this fucker did. But I hope it makes it easier for people to understand so that when the next one comes they can stop them before they even reach their pockets.
Putin Warns West He's Just Getting Started
So Putin just dared the western world to fight him. Claiming he was just getting started. Really? Slaughtering Civilians, destroying their livelyhoods while you're dick has fallen completely off and the country you claim to be doing this for is going broke, is you "Just getting started." Putin, I have no poker face, but I can tell you are fucking bluffing. You're literally losing billions of dollars over this war and we still have your fucking airliner raking in the fines. And from what I've heard, it's not the only plane. So in the words of Jesse Pinkman "Where's our money bitch?" Vlady, Vlady Vlady, you are seriously deluding yourself. I normally don't say this because I feel it would insult certain friends of mine with suicidal tendencies, but in this case I'll make an exception. You should just kill yourself. What you're doing is unjustifiable and you know it's unjustifiable and you don't care. You're the definition of evil. Kill yourself. Same goes to any bastard that supports this shit and tries to provide financial aid to Putin. Kill yourself. Your only chance at this point to right the wrongs you've done and the people you've destroyed is to die. I'm not joking. Do it.
Entertainment News:
Local Newgrounds News:
@beeni and @mock2 have recently announced working on a cartoon known as Rulebenderz. Which their rough animation can be seen here.
@ElectricAngel7482 has recently advertised games on her scratch account. Which can be seen here.
The world of films has been devastated, as legendary actor James Caan had passed away on July 6. Caan first gained critical fame by playing the role of Santino "Sonny" Corleone. The Hot tempered eldest brother of the Corleone Family, in the hit movie series "The Godfather". Caan has since made it to superstardom as both an actor and a director. The former of which includes such movies as Rollerball, Thief, Misery, Mickey Blue Eyes and Elf. Often typecasted as the rough but well meaning man. The cause of death is unknown at the time but hey it can't be worse than what happened to him here:
RIP James. Annie Wilkes can't get you now.
Jordon Peele's new horror movie Nope is set to release in theatres July 21. This will be his third horror film to date. The first being the surprise success of the hit Psychological Horror, Get Out. The second being the surreal horror called Us. With additional success as the host of the short lived Twilight Zone Reboot. Hopefully with this one though, he goes for the hat trick.
Paul McCartney just recently wished fellow living Beatle Ringo Starr a happy birthday. Starr, now 82 was famous for writing the titular song, Yellow Submarine as well as one of the few celebs out there that for a brief period of time, had been hell bent on answering every single piece of fanmail that was given to him. Which he himself affectionally parodied on the Simpsons episode "Brush With Greatness" (It's the one where Marge draws Mr. Burns naked.) I'm kinda surprised they lived this long that as much as I discourage dead pools, I honestly think people should place their bets between them.
Jokes:
In this universe Will Smith slapped Chris Rock for making a joke about his wife. By multiverse theory, three separate universes were created. The first, where Will ignored it and powered through, saving his career. The second where instead of Will, Jada is the slapper. The third and most bizarre one, rather than Chris Rock make a joke, Will heckles him, prompting Chris to leap off the stage and slap him. Destroying his own career. Then in the furthest reaches from the central finite curve, Will and Chris are still friends and they slap the shit out of the comedian that takes the leaders place. No punchline here, I just thought it was funny.....I gotta lay off Rick and Morty.
A golfer and a priest are playing a round of golf. The golfer misses his first shot and shouts "Goddammit I missed." The priest warns him "Don't say that or God will punish you." The same happens again and again and the golfer gets tired of hearing it so he just shouts "Goddammit" until he's blue in the mouth. Suddenly the priest gets struck by lightning. Way up in the clouds, God shouts "Me Dammit I missed.'
There's a family living in one house. A Mother, Father, Daughter, Grandmother and Grandfather. A nice christian family that harms no one. The daughter, a sweet little girl who says her prayers before bed, gets ready. She prays "God Bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy, God Bless Grandpa, Bye Bye Grandma." The parents are confused, but shrug it off. The next morning, tragically, the grandmother passed away in her sleep. After the funeral, life goes on like normal. The little girl praying once more. "God Bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy, Bye Bye Grandpa." The grandfather has a heart attack on the spot. The father is terrified and just waiting for the next one. After the funeral, the little girl prays once more "God Bless Mommy, Bye Bye Daddy." The dad thinking his number is up, decides to stay at work all night and all day. The day and night comes and goes and the dad is safe. Sighing with relief thinking it's all a coincidence. Then he gets a phone call. "Honey" The mom says. "The mailman dropped dead on our doorstep."
Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.
Current Events, Entertainment News, Jokes (Couldn't think of a Funnie For This One)
Letter from the Editor
Sometimes life can suck, but other times there are often certain events both personal and professional that seem to turn it around. Even for a brief moment. With me, my only problem with that, is that those moments are few and in between and any attempts at expanding on them seem to make life worse than it does better. Anyone that says "That's life." or "Life's not fair." are full of shit. Yes, life can be unfair, but if it's meant to be that way, why give us hope that things will turn alright in spite of the tragedies we face. If anything, Life is meant to be fair. It's meant to give every one a chance to live it. To enjoy it, to not have to pay for shit in order to achieve it. I say Make Life Fair.
Current Events
Toronto Gas Price Drops 11 Cents
Good news for those out to vacation on this first of July Weekend, the Gas Prices all over Toronto and the GTA have lowered to 11 cents as of tomorrow. The current price being at least 193.9 Cents per litre. As if that's not good enough, the Gas Tax will be cut down to 5.7 cents per litre as well. With promises by Crackhead Ford that the tax will be lowered to 5.3 Cents Perl Litre. One of the few good things he's done. He also made promises recently to deal with the increase in ODSP, but to those on that system, I wouldn't hold my breath just yet.
Russian Army Retreats From Snake Island
After having captured it prior, the Russian Army retreats from Snake Island. The defense Ministry claims it's for good will, but I think maybe they couldn't handle the snakes. Hehe. Fuck you Putin.
Pandemic Changing But Far From Over
Just recently The World Health Orginization Director General Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus had this to say. "This pandemic is changing but it's not over. Our ability to track the #COVID19 virus is under threat as reporting and genomic sequences are declining meaning it is becoming harder to track Omicron and analyse future emerging variant." Dude, it's not tracking them that's the problem. The problem is you lost the trust of the people. As much as I mock those that refuse to take vaccines, I can't say I blame them considering all you've done was flip flop back and forth to whether or not it's safe enough to resume a normal life. I'm fucking sick of it, just declare it over already. I don't care if at this point the disease still stands. I've lived through many pandemics. SARs, Bird Flu, Swine Flu, this bullshit and the worst I've only gotten was the cold or the fucking flu. I took the vaccines because better safe than sorry. The reason why we can't go back to normal is because you dipshits are so used to controlling us like fucking cattle, that it's hard to let go. SARs was never officially cured, yet we learned to live with it. We should do the same for this and this bullshit Monkey Pox that recently came about. Give us our fucking lives back.
@EpithetSoup is doing a character design collab. Anyone who's interested go here.
Also a bit shoutout to @ElectricAngel7482 formally Rocknight1991. Be sure to see the art representing her transformation here:
Hollywood News
R. Kelly has recently been sentenced for 30 years for numerous sex abuse accusations. I've somewhat followed R. Kelly's rise and fall as Space Jam was what introduced me to it. Back then, the biggest controversy he embroiled himself was a video tape of him pissing on an underage girl. I would have thought that should have been it for him, but so many who love "I believe I can fly." so much decide to rally for him. Claiming he's being racial profiled. Dudes, the only colour that was being discriminated that time was the yellow in his piss. And for a good reason because it splattered on an underage girl you fucking fanatics. Even Boondocks, who's main bits are often over the top humour, didn't pull any punches telling R. Kelly fans that they're the reason why he gets away with shit like that and the numerous sex trafficing, sexual slavery and other attrocities he's done to women and children over the years of his life. I believe he can fly on the first class ticket to the deepest pits of hell and I honestly hope he gets thrown in gen pop. You child raping, son of a bitch. Have fun knowing this is your fucking legacy:
Fuck you and fuck anyone that even remotely justifies his bullshit.
It is with great tragedy that I announce the passing of Gregory Jein. For those who don't know, he was a famous model maker for movies and TV shows. His credits include his contribution to the attempt at Star Trek Phase II. His successful run with Star Trek The Motion Picture. So to trekkies this is the guy that not only designed V'Ger, but also brought the USS Enterprise NCC-1701 back to it's former glory. Which also in turn jumpstarted his career as a model maker, not just for Star Trek but for other movies and tv shows as well such as Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, Buckaroo Banzi and The Dark Night Rises to name a few. People talk about how great producers, directors and screenwriters are, when it comes to filmmaking, but neglect to remotely mention the others just as responsible and deserving of praise. Such as the guy that built the fucking thing. Rest in Peace Gregory. To an absent friend of every trekkie and movie fan in general.
Cameron Diaz just recently announced she's having a comeback. The Charlie's Angel and Mask Star has recently come out of retirement and is ready to act once more. I wish you the best of luck Diaz, you were one of my earliest memories of childhood in movies when I first seen you as Tina Carlyle, the sultry yet kind love interest to Stanley Ipkiss aka The Mask and if it wasn't for you, Dorian would have won.
Jokes
I decided to go back and fourth between funnies and jokes, since even my crappier stuff takes a while to draw sometimes, but I thought I'd bring levity a different way. Three Jokes.
An Anti-Nazi protester is walking down the street on his way home, from a day of demonstrations. As he makes it to his house, he notices an old man, walking around in full SS Gear, Goosestepping and spouting German Slogans. Naturally he has a problem with that and says "Hey, you can't do that out here." But the man doesn't listen. He screams, shouts and threatens the Nazi, but it seems to be in one ear and out the other. Losing patience, he walks up to the Nazi and punches him out. He then takes a closer look, noticing that the Nazi had airpods in his ears. "Huh. I guess he didn't hear me." He said. "Oh who gives a shit." He then notices a flyer sticking out of the pocket. He initially didn't want to read it, assuming it was propaganda, but curiosity got the better of him. The flyer read "The Seniors Centre Wishes to Proudly Announce, the first ever all senior stage play of 'The Sound of Music.' Proceeds of the ticket prices will go into donating to the Holocaust Museum and the victims of the Hiroshima Bombings." The protester drops the flyer in shock. "He wasn't a Nazi, he was playing an extra in a play. A play for Charity. What the hell have I done?" Let this be double lesson for both sides. One, not everything is as seems. Two, if you're gonna rehearse your lines for Sound of Music or any other play that has Nazis in it. Do it indoors. It could save your life.
Man buys a Ferrari and does 90 miles an hour at what looks like an abandoned highway. He passes by a traffic cop who gives chase. The man at first speeds up to 100 trying to get away from the cop, but gives up and pulls over. The cop comes up to him and says "Look buddy, my shift ends in half an hour. If you can give me an excuse that I haven't heard of, you have my word I will let you go." The man thought for a second and said "Well, my wife left me for a cop, so I thought you were bringing her back."
Warning Graphic Joke Ahead: Two men walk into a bar, one orders a beer and the other says "I'll order a bucket of piss.' Disgusted, the first man looks to him and says "There's no way they serve a bucket of piss at a bar." The second man smiles and says "$50 says there is." To which the first man nods "You're on." Sure enough the bartender comes out, giving the first man his beer and the second man a 1 gallon bucket full of piss. The first man looks at it, in both awe and shock and asked "How the fuck did you know this was gonna happen." To which the second man says "Who do you think pissed in that bucket?"
Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.
