CIEIRNEWS:

Local News. World News. Entertainment News. Jokes.

Letter from the Editor:

Sometimes, it's easy to see things coming a mile away. Other times things just come right the fuck out of nowhere surprising us in various ways good or bad. Let's just say something happened that while bad, was something I don't think anyone saw coming.

Local News:

Rogers Hires Bouncers At Their Toronto Store:

Just when you though the Outage was bad, Rogers trumped again. Now they're hiring security that demands photo I.D. for even the most quick and simple things like getting a new phone and charger. Rogers? Are you trying to kill your customers? Be honest. It's bad enough you deliberately shut down your internet and yes I don't think that was a mistake, but you're basically trying to herd your customers like cattle. Fuck you.

World News:

Queen Elizabeth Dead at 96:

To the shock of some countries and the praise of others, the longest reigning Queen, Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Windsor aka Queen Elizabeth II has passed away. Her reign has lasted 70 years and 7 Months. While a lot of countries have many things to say about the United Kingdom, whether founded or unfounded, I personally express my deepest condolences to the family, the country and anyone else devastated by her demise. This was the one death I didn't see coming, because she was about 4 years shy of being 100. I was really hoping she made it that far at least, but hopefully she rests in peace. And hope to god whoever succeeds her isn't a total douchebag.

Entertainment News:

Newgrounds News:

Big shoutout to @RetroMonsterMovies. A channel that is dedicated to making their own B-Movie Monster movies in the vein of Full Moon Productions and other studios. I reccomend Feast of The Immortal Werewolf.

Congratulations to @rherdalaezian for yet another front page at this point they're begging the site to stop. The recent one is from a song called:

Also a big congratulations to @VariableGROfficial for gaining more than 500 fans. Let's hope they get more.

Jokes:

For this one I'm gonna do one big one.

There once was a man who just played with his sticks. His brother just broke them because he's a dictating moron who all off the walls. All because he has such real tiny balloons and odd toys that aren't doing well. His sister keeps telling him to go to hello operator please get him more. And by the way he thinks his sisters a horrible role model smokey and drinky. Sometimes he thinks she's just after his winking best friend who had run out of luck and if you think this is dirty I don't give a fuck.

Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.

It had been two months since Dark Divide found out that CIEIR Music stolen their song. S.T. and Light Harmony are lazying about for the day.

Light: I can't believe Summer is almost over.

Harmony: I know right? We just started getting people to come out more on the beaches and water parks and it felt like it went over in a flash.

S.T.: Personally I'm kinda glad it's ending. Don't get me wrong, I love going swimming, getting some sun and through a certain story I've made, teaching people how to vacation safe, I feel as though it's too hot and muggy this year. Not to mention I got stung earlier. 31 years and I never been stung by a bee or wasp and this fucker gets me right in the hand an on the vein.

Harmony: Ya, compared to the criminals we fight, stings suck.

COMPUTER: DANGER!!! DANGER!!! PROXIMITY ALERT!!

S.T.: The Proximity alarm. It says a small rocket or missile is heading this way.

Harmony: Where could it be going?

The explosion was enough to knock the trio down. Alarms blare all over as they get up and look around.

S.T.: Damage Report!!!!

Light: Main H.Q. is intact. The basement is fine too.

Harmony: What about the religious centre.

Light: The entire roof section is missing, some wounded, but none dead luckily. Whatever it was hit it from the outside.

Harmony: Probably an RPG. Guys, this was a deliberate attack. Someone aimed at this otherwise we'd be hurt worse.

Light: Who the fuck would blow up the religious centre?

Harmony: I don't know, what do you think S.T.? S.T.? Where did he go?

Light: Something tells me he knows who did this.

Meanwhile outside.

S.T.: DARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!!!!

Dark Divide approaches them with smug smiles across their faces. Dark patting his RPG launcher with pride.

Dark: I always hated that place. Religions should be at each other's throats, not coming together in peace. I guess that's what happens when you commit plagiarism.

S.T.: So the laws only apply to you? You can kill as many people as you like, but when someone steals something from you, that's where you draw the line. You fucking hypocrite.

Divide: Look who's talking, you refuse me, yet shack up with your newest recruit. My face still stings from that night.

S.T.: I'm through convincing you Divide, I'm gonna take you out once and for all.

Light Harmony step out. All with murder on their mind.

Light Harmony: We all are.

Divide: Three on two, that's not fair. I guess I should have remembered to bring more minions. Oh that's right I have.

50 black cloaked men and women come storming in. Standing behind dark Divide.

S.T.: You think 52 are fair odds ok. Role call.

Light: I'll take the thugs, some of our guys may still be there so I'd be safe enough to extract them.

S.T.: I'll take Dark. I will make him pay personally for what he did.

Harmony: That bitch is mine.

CIEIR Music: See the future through music!! Feel the future through music!! CHARGE!!!!

Both sides run at each other until they collide. Light using quick reflexes and hard precision hits managed to knock down 10 on the first hit, while taking on the other 40. Harmony and Divide are grappling with one and other.

Divide: I'm not gonna let you get my face again. I have to look my best for the future father of my child.

Harmony: That's not gonna happen, besides if there's anything I know about prophecies it's one thing.

Harmony kicks Divide in the knee stunning her allowing her to grab Divide by the hair. She winds up.

Harmony: Good *Punch* triumphs *Kick* over *Gut punch* EVIL!!! *Headbutt.*

Divide falls to the ground but drags Harmony with her.

Dark and S.T. go at each other. Knocking him down and pummelling.

Dark: When are you going to understand the world is better off the way it is. People have to destroy themselves. Life means to end.

S.T. Kicks him in the balls staggering him.

S.T.: Life isn't about ending. Life is about choosing what to make of it!!!

They both grip each other, staring each other dead in the eyes.

Divide in a moment of sneakiness jabs a small knife in Harmony's side.

Divide: I've been going about this all wrong. I should have thought of this ages ago.

Divide pulls out a gun. First pointing it at Harmony.

Divide: If I can't have him. No one can.

She turns around and shoots S.T. in the chest knocking him off Dark. S.T. lays there motionless. Harmony moves to him. Trying to rouse him, but all he does is groan. She turns around, her slit eyes going thin as fire surrounds them.

Harmony: You killed him. YOU KILLED SHANE!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!!!

Divide's smug smile fades as the fox like Harmony runs towards her on all fours. This was not the nice, but brutal Harmony CIEIR Music knew and cared for. This was the unbridled rage of a street urchin that has been pushed one too many times. She tackles Divide with a sadistic grin on her face. Using individual claws on her fingernails to make small but painful cuts on Divide. Her face. Her chest. Her stomach. No matter what Divide hit her with, it didn't stop her.

Divide: DARK GET THIS CRAZY BITCH OFF ME!!!

Dark approaches the helpless Divide trying everything he can to pry Harmony off her. Just when he thinks he's gotten her loose a pain hits his back and chest. He looks down to see that S.T.'s sword is embedded into his spine and poking out of his chest. S.T. Standing there clutching his shoulder.

S.T.: I broke your partner's heart. She missed mine.

He lets the sword go causing Dark to collapse.

Dark: I can't feel my legs. I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!!!!!

S.T.: That's the least of your proble- OH SHIT HARMONY!!

Harmony: Now that I'm done toying with you, I'm gonna do to you what I did to your General.

S.T.: Harmony stop!!!!

Harmony: S.T.? But you're dead.

S.T.: She only got me on the shoulder. She's about as good a shot as she is a lover.

Divide: *spitting blood.* FUCK YOU!!

S.T.: You wish, psycho bitch. I'm only letting you live because it's what you deserve.

Harmony and Divide: What!?

Harmony: After everything she's done, she deserves to die. Why can't we just kill them?

S.T.: It will be too easy. Too fast. They're strong. They are gonna live a long time. In a cage. Knowing they'll never corrupt us. Never corrupt our world. Never terrorize innocents. Only this time, with the crimes they committed, it will be for life. Bang your head against the walls. Count the Months, The Weeks, The Hours. UNTIL THE DAY YOU ROT!!!!

Harmony: That sounds like a better idea. Plus with their wounds, who knows how long they'll recover? Still one more before the cops arrive.

Harmony then gives one good solid punch. Knocking Divide out cold.

Police, Ambulances and Firetrucks make their way to the HQ. The cops arrest all of Dark Divide. Taking them away. The chief approaches the weary warriors.

S.T.: You here to arrest us too?

Chief: That won't be necessary. I was gonna arrive personally to inform you, but after what happened to your roof, I figured you all could use a hand. Still today is a good of day as any. Shane, Light, Harmony, by order of the mayor and in cooperation of municipal, provincial and federal law enforcement, you are here by deputized. This is a black ops, so anything goes, however should you all be caught or killed, we will erase all knowledge of your information. Also in light of this recent attack, you are to receive a government grant for all the damages caused by these two high profiled terrorists.

Light: You mean to tell me that we are free to no longer fight in the shadows?

Harmony: We're able to make our cause public?

Chief: That's correct. BUT!!!! There is just one more thing you have to do as a personal favour to me.

S.T.: Oh ya!? What's that!?

Chief: Can I have your autograph? I am a huge fan of your music.

All three sigh and whip out their pens.

After a gruelling few weeks of court, Dark Divide has been sentenced to life in prison. Their minions, save for the undercover operatives have been given a reduced sentence in exchange for their testimony. Still even with everything resolved. S.T., Light and Harmony are depressed.

Although they had money for the materials, due to the secrecy of their work, they themselves start rebuilding the HQ. With the three of them even with equipment they have would take about a few days at best or a month at worst. Weather not withstanding.

Harmony: What's wrong S.T.? Didn't things work out fine?

S.T.: Things are fine, just that well.....we stopped a great evil, fulfilled a huge part of the prophecy, I can't help but wonder where we go from here? Do we just make more music and fight more criminals or do we just retire and live life.

Light: Well right now we just fix the roof and worry about that later.

S.T.: Wait what's that over there?

They look at the steps and see everyone from the religious centre stepping up. Each one with their respective clergy leading the walk. The person leading them all, the young priestess who started this all.

S.T.: I know it's a cliched thing to say around holy ground, but I don't believe it.

Light: Who is she?

Harmony: Indigo Robes. She's part of that order.

Young Priestess: I thank you for playing your parts. In thanks to you, I've convinced the factions here to help you rebuild. They only ask that they bless and renovate their sections how they see fit.

S.T.: Sure we could use every hand we can get.

With the people's help they were able to rebuild CIEIRHQ to it's former glory and in the right time too.

Computer: ALERT! ALERT! CRIME IN PROGRESS!

S.T.: Our work appears to be far from over. What do you say?

Light: I say bring 'em on. Compared to DD, they're creampuffs.

Harmony: Well, I must admit I could use a change of pace. That feral stuff took a lot out of me.

And with that, CIEIR Music run down the steps and into the city. Ready to battle what's next.

Author's Note

Been wanting to do this since I made the song. Thought it'd be a good open-ended conclusion, hence why DD aren't dead yet. Hope you like the story so far.

Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.

Just some idea I did for kicks. Since there are a lot of online urban legends about Chuck Norris and Mr. Rogers I thought I'd do something in a similar vein for one of the most iconic movie stars I've ever seen. Joe Pesci.

For those that don't know, Pesci is an actor of many range, but often he finds himself typecast in many crime and gangster movies. He can be funny, intimidating, cordial and even at some points show a great dramatic performance.

Plus it's a great way for impressionists to do a better performance.

Here is the secret art of Joe Pesci:

1. No matter how small you are in real life, if you act big and can back it up, people will fear and respect you.
2. Move between the lines of comedy and drama and it will make you look unpredictable among your peers.
3. If you're cast in a family film and you can't let go of the word "Fuck" in your last movies, try saying "Fridge" instead.
4. As loud as you can be, your actions speak louder than words. (Goodfellas being a great example.)

Watch his movies and come up with your own idea of his secret arts. It's fun.

First of all I wish to thank @GamingChannel2 for being my 180th Fan.

Second of all I would have waited until I scored 200, but I thought 180 is a significant number on it's own.

It's the amount of degrees you turn to make a half circular spin, especially on skateboards.

It was the name of the airline flight that exploded in mid air in Final Destination 1 and 5.

It is also the slang people use whenever someone goes one direction, usually good, but then goes the opposite direction usually evil.

Does that mean in celebration of this milestone I should betray every single one of my fans? Hmmmm........Fuck no. Just kidding.

But I am curious to know how the number 180 affects your life so. Let me know in the comments below.

CIEIR NEWS

Local News. World News. Entertainment News. Jokes.

Letter From The Editor

As I continue to adjust to my new place I find that while things are looking up, I still can't help but point out the downs no matter how few and between they are. My once crippling bad luck has now become the level of bittersweet. As while things are gradually getting better, I still feel hung up on certain things as well. But hey that's life. Soon I'll be able to focus more on improving my work and getting the means to do so. Not to mention more good things keep coming around the corner.

Local News

ODSP Increase Starts September

After a 4 year dry spell thanks to crackhead Ford, ODSP is finally getting it's increase back. This time it's going up 5% instead of the usual 1%. Of course, while this does give some people a much needed reprieve, others are unconvinced that this is enough for those on the program to live. The ODSP Action Coalition being one of them. I feel for you guys I really do, but take what you can get for now. Be lucky you even got an increase at all because Crackhead Ford would have sat on that until Hell Freezes Over. Fucking bastard.

World News

Crimea Explosions Strike Heavy Blow In Russian Military

For the past few days, The Russian Occupied Crimea has been hit with heavy explosions, causing massive fires and panic among the mostly Russian citizens. The Russian Government claims Sabotage, but denies heavy blows, but Ukraine's Prime minister neither confirms or denies involvment from Ukraine's military or any soldiers allying with them. Personally I think they took a page from Sergeant Hartman on this. Not directly punishing Russia, but punishing things owned by Russia in hopes they'd turn against Putin. If that's the case I have one thing to say:

Entertainement News:

Newgrounds News:

@ThatJohnnyGuy is looking for people to help him with his book. You can see the article here.

@SolidSnakeOnAPlane is offering to draw cartoon characters. See here.

Big shoutout to @V1ZION for reaching the 50 fan mark. Let's hope he gets double that soon.

Hollywood News:

The Batgirl Movie has been officially shelved due to Warner Bros. trying to cash in more on darker DC stuff as well as the Snyderverse. I myself am a fan of the Snyderverse, but even I think that's excessive. Then again I wouldn't be talking about it, if Titans and Doom Patrol weren't on the Chopping Block. I mean come on, they finally made a Titans show that was meant for the correct audience and they brought back Brendan Fraiser's Career. We owe them at least another season or two before closing it out.

I regret to inform, that Anne Heche has passed away due to injuries related to a car accident she sufffered from prior. The actress was well known for many movies good and bad from The Adventures of Huck Finn to the dreaded Gus Van Sant remake of Psycho. The actress was also known for her activism for same sex marriage, being the former lover of Ellen DeGeneres as well as one of many people that spoke out against Harvey Weinstein. Even the event of her death didn't stop her activism as she was signed up for organ donation. The Grossman Burn Center, which she was admitted to, has announced to do an walk in her honour.

Kelly Osbourne is pregnant with her first child. The famed daughter of Rock Legend Ozzy Osbourne has shown her fans on instagram the progress of her first journey towards motherhood. I don't know if I should be proud or terrified. Proud that Ozzy lived long enough to be a grandfather to his daugther's kid or terrified when he eventually tries to kill the man that knocked her up. Lol. In all seriousness, Kelly has my sincere congrats and I hope the kid is just as funny and witty as her mom and her parents before her.

Jokes

1. Probably the most fucked up one I ever thought of: A serial rapist has been spotted of the coast of a nudist beach. Confused by all the naked people around him, he resorted to forcing clothes on them rather than try to take any off. The nudists traumatized by the sudden lack of breeze they felt.
2. A boy sees a guy crossing the street, the man is about to get hit by a car. The boy pushes him out of the way. The man then said "Thanks kid. I'm the president of the United States.. For saving my life I will give you anything you want." The boy replies "Right now, what I want is a fancy funeral." The president, confused asks. "Why would you want that?" To which the boy replies "Because my dad will kill me if he found out who I just saved."
3. A Priest, A Rabbi and an Imam walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What is this, a joke?"

Thanks for reading, if you're feeling generous check out my bandcamp and tip me on Ko-Fi.

Some time ago @flashmakeit DM'd me asking if she could use my audio for one of her animations. The audio, specifically from:

Now I didn't know what to expect when I saw this, but I loved the result. It's currently under judgement and I call upon my fellow fans to give this user as much support as they need to get it out of Judgement.

Update: It is now out of Judgement, thank you all for supporting this.

I just read in an article, that after a 10-year Hiatus from directing, legendary filmmaker John Carpenter has returned to the director's chair. What he's going to make I have no idea, but I am very excited to see.

For those who do not know, John Carpenter was a very influential filmmaker. His range being from the 1970s to the early 2010s.

His movies include:

Assault on Precinct 13

Halloween

The Fog

Escape From New York

The Thing

But it doesn't stop there. On top of being a great director, he has written, produced and even made music for the background score of almost every single one of his movies. There's a reason why each movie often begins with "John Carpenter's"

This man, was one of my Idols growing up. And among most things, the main reason why CIEIRMusic exists. The fact that he's returned to doing what he does best, is a major warm in my heart. And whether or not the movie succeeds or fails, it will be a sight to behold that I do not want to miss.

Just last week, I got featured in @TheTankTribune, in this case I have once again had a tagline put on top:

So once again:

Not only that, but that makes two taglines I've submitted, that have been featured on this newsletter so:

Two more to go. If I'm lucky and all are used, I may submit more in the near future.

Until then I thank @TheTankTribune, @The-Great-One and each and all of you for helping me make it this far. Until next time, here's another addition to the corkboard:

Eldra: A Lovecraft Noir Spin-Off

Thought I'd do this bandcamp ad based on one this time. As many know I did a series called Lovecraft Noir. In which I created a Lovecraftian Heroine known as Eldra. I've gotten so attached to the role, that I decided to give her, her own short Spin-Off, which deals with her adjusting to life on Earth. Taking in many Earthly Pleasures to boot. Hopefully people will come to love this series as much as the first series. It is now available on Bandcamp for $5.99 or $1 per track. Enjoy.

It took me a while, but I finally got to see the second Sonic movie. Long story short I loved it, as it was able to prove that video game movies can be successful twice over, as well as serve as a great retirement for Jim Carrey.

However, I've noticed a pattern. Now this would not be the first movie series or TV show to be accused of predicting the future. However this one managed to do it twice. One for each movie. The first movie involved a Chase around the world, with one of the stops being the Great Wall of China. This movie while released in 2020 after the outbreak in Wuhan first started, didn't start production until 2018. One year before the official outbreak started. So needless to say Sonic inadvertently did what The Simpsons did decades before and predicted covid-19.

The second movie was produced in March 2021 and released in April 2022. Before and after Russia invaded Ukraine. Why is this relevant? Because before tensions between the rest of the world and Putin were at an all-time high, one of the scenes in the second movie involved the dance battle in Siberia at a random bar Lodge, in which Sonic earned the respect to the locals. It sounds like a bit of a reach, but it seems to me that Sonic movies in exchange for not having the curse that most video game movies have of sucking, instead passes the power of said curse on to predicting countries that the world may end up getting pissed off at later on. China in the first movie, Russia in the second. Should a third movie come out, I wonder what country will be next?

Please not Canada please not Canada please not.....

Anywho. If this is no coincidence, I welcome the Sonic movie series as one of many movies over the past Century to have the curse. From The Exorcist to Poltergeist, Sonic is now welcome addition. However it's not officially welcome until, the third movie does predict another country going bad for one reason or another.