With Christmas 6 Days away, I thought I'd do a few more Christmas Jokes.

The Bachelor's 12 Days of Christmas:

On the first day of Christmas, my True Love gave to me....Nothing.

The Stalker's 12 Days of Christmas:

On the first day of Christmas, my True Love gave to me.

12, Letters warning me not to harass her.

11, Phone calls from her angry boyfirend.

10, Rocks thrown in my windows.

9, Requests to seek professional help.

8, fists to the face from her father.

7, slaps from her mother.

6, kicks to the crotch from her older brother.

5, cops at my house.

4, restraining me.

3, reading me my rights.

2, pairs of shackles on me.

And 1 Restraining order from the judge.

And of course for the sake of Nostalgia:

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin Laid an Egg.

Batmobile Lost it's wheel and The Joker got away.

I've been getting a lot of 123s lately.

Ever heard of a language called "Ubbi Dubbi" it started out as a fictional language in a kid show called Zoom.

I first heard the language on The Big Bang Theory. The idea being that it's English Words, with a lot of B sounds in them. For example:

Ubi wubent tubo thube stuborube ubonube dubay. Thubey wuberube uboubut ubof mubilk.

Which means: I went to the store one day. They were out of milk.

You all should have fun with that.

Not too long after this got posted:

S.T. was in a very familiar bar with Dark. A tall, imposing man with an athletic build wearing a black hooded trenchcoat. He glares at S.T.

Dark: This is it, you can't worm your way out of this one. We're going shot for shot.

He puts a huge bottle of whisky down while Divide places 20 shot glasses down for each of them. Each one takes a shot. Talking between them.

S.T.: I keep telling you, as much as she wants to, there's nothing between me and her. Quit being so overprotective.

Dark: Hey, all she ever does is talk about you. It gets on my nerves. By the way I've done 10 while you're on 9. You've gone lightweight?

S.T.: Nope, just fresh from recovering from a bar fight.

S.T. doubles with two shots. Then drinks down another. Meanwhile at CIEIR HQ.

Light: How long is he gonna distract them for?

Harmony: Long enough for each kid to get the next shot. Our guys have them and have periodically administered them one at a time. They're going by the drinking game.

Light: God help us if S.T. gets mad drunk.

Meanwhile back at the bar, the bottle is empty and they're down to a shot a piece.

S.T.: WHerazxidaa (Subtitile: How come you are so genocidal?)

Dark: Swinmdfpeqoui (Subtitle: I just think humanity is a disease.)

Dark passes out. S.T. finishes both shots.

Divide: I'll take him home, here's the money we owe on the bet.

An hour later S.T. is on the sofa with Light Harmony playing hangover nurses.

Harmony: How much can you hold, you looked like you would die.

S.T.: Did they all get their second dose?

Light: Yes, our undercover man did it.

S.T.: Good. I can't wait for this truce to be over. We got them.

Light Harmony: Agreed.

Thought before my 100th post I'd do something funny.

Santa comes down the chimney and sees this little boy. The little boy has a super soaker full of mustard. Santa says "What are you up to? You weren't on the naughty list." The boy said. "I know. I saw you kissing my mom last night. Give me everything you have." Santa obliged.

Rudolph walks into a bar. Dixen gets into his face, on his 5th Eggnog saying. "You think you're so great with your nose being a lightbulb. You don't even have a name to call." Rudolph looks at him and says. "I don't need a lightbulb to know you're drunk off your ass because Donner left you." Dixen looks at him and says. "I'm gonna puke."

The elves are doing their last hours at Santa's Workshop. One Elf turns to the other and says "You know how the naughty kids get coal." The second Elf says "Ya. So?" "Well." The first elf began. "I just recently read that Coal can be turned into Diamond. So in a way he's making them richer." "That Son of a bitch." The second elf says "He doesn't even pay us!!"

Frosty walks down the street saying Happy Birthday. The locals shout back "Were you dropped when you were a snowball or is it what's in your pipe, that's talking shit?"

Jesus Celebrates his 16th birthday, he goes home and asks Mary "What the hell is this tree doing in the living room?"

Took me a while, but I've finally put my Christmas Special on Bandcamp:

CIEIR Christmas Special

Has all the hits you heard on Newgrounds plus a bonus instrumental of one of them.

Short one, but when it comes to New Years Resolutions, do many of you try to keep them?

Just wondering because some people often do things their way, like some resolutions take more than a day and things like that.

Other times, said resolution is often too hard to do.

I was just wondering out of curiousity how you all handle yours.

It has been a day since CIEIR Music and Dark Divide called a truce. Things were quiet save for their occasional street appearance. At CIEIR HQ, S.T. and Light Harmony finish their studies.

S.T.: Since then there have been many truces. These stories got so famous that they became tv shows like M*A*S*H.

Light: That was a sad show.

Harmony: Poor Hawkeye. That breakdown made me want to cry too.

S.T.: It's why they do jokes on that show. To give it some levity to remind us it still takes place during a war.

The phone rings. S.T. let's the voice mail get it.

Divide: S.T. I know you've been ignoring my messages, but this is important. Rest assured I am not trying to break the truce. We need to talk about vaccine plans. You can bring back up if you don't trust me.

Harmony: She does sound serious. Look we'll watch over you, you can probably get information out of her.

Light: And you thought you were useless.

Harmony: I have my moments.

Meanwhile at a very familiar Cafe. S.T. and Dark Divide are seemingly alone.

Divide: Thanks for coming, I'll get right to the point. First of all, yes we do have child and adult labour and they do need vaccines. I managed to get Dark on board with this but we need your help. We just need to know what I.D. to fake.

Harmony over the radio: Let them know. If our guys can still use crime skills undercover so can you.

S.T.: Well first you ****** ***** ** and then you ******. Then they take you to a waiting room so you can show that, then you get one between a few weeks to a month. It varies from person to person there will be side effects. But other than that you all should be fine.

Divide: I see. Well S****, you seem to do anything to save lives. Look, I'm not stupid. I know as soon as this truce is over we go back to fighting, you trying to free our slaves and we try to kill you BLAH BLAH BLAH!!! I just want to know, I do appreciate you trying to make peace with me. I want to apologize. I know, back then....I came on too strong. I should have known better that you value the mission more than you value....intimacy.

S.T.: It's not just that though. I don't like fraternizing with my partners. I just think it's wrong.

Divide: Well that's perfect. That means I have a chance.

S.T.: Whatever. Look you got what you needed, give those kids a shot and just enjoy your vacation. We'll talk when we try to kill each other.

Divide: Fair enough, but I am having some fun with you before I kill you. I know your sidekick is listening.

Harmony: SIDEKICK!!!

S.T.: Ow. Well I gotta go. We just finished the Christmas Album. Check it out sometime.

Divide: You know what, I will. For what it's worth I do love your music.

S.T.: I appreciate that.

An hour later.

Harmony: Sidekick. I can't believe she called me..GAH I HATE HER!!!

Light: Harmony go to your happy place.

Harmony: Ok. Happy place. Nature, mountains, hot, cold, calm, peaceful. THAT BITCH'S HEAD ON A PIKE!! Calm, peaceful.

S.T.: Is she gonna be ok?

Light: Ya, she's just unleashing her inner Alpha. She wants to bite her.

Harmony: And smack her off the pavement. Calm peaceful. Puppies. Kitties. Birds.

S.T.: Well I'm gonna post the song. It's gonna be a good closer. Maybe she can listen to that.

Harmony: I would love that. Calm. Candy. Chocolate. Dark Chocolate. Someone get me a candy bar.

Light: I'm on it.

S.T.: Why Chocolate?

Light: She achieves enlightenment sometimes and the chocolate keeps her pineal gland stimulated.

S.T.: I gotta try that sometime.

An hour later, their last song in the Christmas Special was posted:

It was not too long after CIEIR Music posted this:

S.T. Musician and Light Harmony are having a meeting.

S.T.: Alright, it's been two weeks since we last heard from Dark Divide directly, but their actions have been coming in small doses. Just recently 20 homeless children have been reported missing. Granted that never stopped us before, but there is something else. I've noticed a lot of their hired help have been getting sick. It's a long shot, but I think some of them have Covid.

Light: I see. So their help is at risk of limits because some haven't got their shot yet. While I'm glad they don't seem to be making a major comeback, I wouldn't wish that on our worst enemies. Plus not all of them are crooks. Some have been doing this against their will. Others being our guys.

Harmony: Not to mention that both kids and adults are at risk as they recently mentioned. Meaning if those bastards, put those kids to work, there's a chance they may die.

Light: If only there was some way that we could try to pause their ideas. We try to stop them now and there's no guarantee they won't resurface again. They've been dead before.

S.T.: So maybe we could try to find a way to take a break from the holidays. That's gonna take a miracle....HOLY FUCK!!!!

Light Harmony: What is it S.T.?

S.T.: It's a long shot but I think it might work. Are you familiar with the Christmas Truce?

Light Harmony: We didn't have much to study on the streets.

S.T.: Ok. Well it was during World War I. 1914 to be exact. The following trench soldiers were at each other's throats. Germany, France and The British Army. Their leaders decided to come together with a radical idea. Because all of them were Christian God Fearing Men, none of them felt it was right to kill each other on the holidays. So they negotiated a temporary ceasefire between the three. That would go from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day.

Harmony: I see, you're gonna try to organize a ceasefire between us and them. I don't think it would work to be honest, but I trust your judgement.

Light: I'm much more worried that if Divide sees us, she'll go batshit on you or try to kill Harmony.

S.T.: Surprisingly enough, Divide is the least of my problems. It's Dark I'm more worried about. It was Divide that allowed me to throw them out, because even after I rejected her, she still thought there was a chance and did what I said. Dark however, would not hesitate to kill me unless Divide told him to back down. He kinda has a thing for her. A Yandere going after a Yandere so to speak.

Light Harmony: Holy shit.

S.T.: I'm gonna arrange the meeting, you two will be present.

Light Harmony: Will do.

An hour later at a familiar cafe, Light Harmony, S.T. and Dark Divide sit at a table together. S.T. and LH in their civilian concert attire. Divide in her usual attire, while dark, a tall, buff blackhaired man is in white tuxedo with a black bowtie. All of which glaring at each other.

S.T.: Well first of all, thank you for coming.

Dark: Just make this quick S.T. we both have things to do.

S.T.: That's just what I want to talk about. I called you here because we all have a mutual problem. I know you have at least 50 minions on you. 20 of them children. There is nothing more I'd like to do than bust down your doors and get them out of here. However I also noticed something. You two have been doing your thing in small doses. And while I am glad you can only do so much, I'm kind of disappointment. It's not like you two were sloppy before. Especially you Divide, I expected better.

Dark: You shut up about her.

Light: You go near him and I'll tear your throat out.

Divide: Now now, if we wanted to kill each other, either one of us would have done it by now. S.T. is right though. Things have gotten slower since the pandemic has been flip flopping. Our men and our kids have been under the weather lately. I've been trying to convince Dark to vaccinate them, but surprise surprise he's an anti-vaxxer.

Dark: Now why do you have to say something like that? Even if I wasn't one, it's not like we could walk into a clinic and ask for them to give us 50 double doses to crooks and kidnapped children. Besides we tested it on ourselves. The effects were horrifying. We may be Evil, but this was chaotic. We wouldn't wish it upon you and we hate you.

Harmony: Which is precisely why we need to discuss this.

Divide: Sweetie, I'm only tolerating you for S.T.'s sake. The second you're alone I will get you for taking him from me.

Harmony: Wow, he told me you were crazy, but you really think it's like that? Maybe stop getting distracted and focus on the topic at hand. That said, if you so much as touch him in front of me, I'll bite that finger off.

Divide: And S.T. Thinks I'm crazy. Ok, enough drama. What exactly do you propose.

S.T.: Are you two familiar with the Christmas Truce?

Dark: You're not seriously suggesting that.

Divide: Go on.

S.T.: You cease all activities, get your hostages the treatment they need and basically take a vacation for the holidays. When everything is square, that's when we continue to kill each other.

Dark: That is stupid, I know my answer to that one. No fucking way. Let's go Divide.

Light: You know, you wouldn't be the first person to disagree with The Truce. There was one man in the German Army who seemed less intuned to the holiday spirit and more wondering why his superiors didn't open fire on the Brits.

Dark: And who is this man?

Harmony: Oh we won't tell you. We will give you a hint. He was, but a messenger during that time, but decades later became responsible for killing 6 Million Jewish People. Men, Women and Children.

Dark: Adolf Hitler......So what are you implying?

S.T.: That you're no different than him.

Dark: You take that back.

S.T.: Prove me wrong then. Isn't that what you want, to be a better man than me in hopes Divide would notice you as more than just a sidekick?

Divide: *Thinking* How long has he known about that?

Dark: Alright, we'll play your game. From here to New Years, none of Dark Divide would make an already rotting world worse. But I do warn you, once this truce ends, we will come for you. Stronger than ever.

Divide: Well that is very big of you dark. S.T., Light....and you.

Harmony: The name's Harmony and when this ends you will say it.

Divide: Whatever. I'll make sure he holds up his end of the bargain. You know how tempermental he is.

S.T.: You held your word before, I trust you....this time.

Divide: I love you too. Now let's get going, I'm sure the barista is wondering why you all haven't ordered your Hot Chocolate yet.

Light Harmony: See you soon.

An hour later back at CIEIR HQ.

S.T.: That went well.

Light: I hope you know what you're doing.

Harmony: We may not have saved the whole world yet, but we managed to at least give it some kind of a break.

S.T.: Indeed we did. If all goes well, then it would be the second time a Christmas Miracle has been proven real. Speaking of which, I have one more song to go, before the Album is finished.

Light Harmony: That's great. I hope it does as well as the other 3.

S.T.: Time will tell.

It was a cold day at CIEIR HQ. CIEIR Music just posted:

Light and Harmony enter the studio.

Light Harmony: We need to talk S.T.

S.T. Ok.....

Light Harmony: We heard you were doing a Christmas Special.....without us.

S.T.: In my defence....

Light: I don't want to hear it S.T.!! I knew you would betray us, but this takes the fruit cake.

Harmony: How could you do this to us? Who stood by you for better or worse. Who guarded your house when your crazy Yandere came back from the dead.

Light Harmony: More importantly, what shall we do about you?

Light: I say we cut his hands off so he won't play again.

Harmony: I say we boil him in oil.

S.T.: Oh go ahead and do it, I dare you. Nothing you can do can scare me for being on your naughty list.

Harmony: .......Take him to Detroit.

S.T.: NO!!! NOT DETROIT PLEASE ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

Light: Anything? Release the Robotic Richard Simmons.

S.T.: NO ANYTHING BUT TH--- Wait a minute. You don't have a Robotic Richard Simmons. You two were fucking with me weren't you?

Light Harmony: Gotcha.

Light: You should have seen your face.

S.T.: *Trying to hold a laugh.* That's not funny.

Harmony: Eh it was a little funny, I think you looked cute when you squirmed.

Light: HARMONY!!!

Harmony: What I can still look can't I?

Light: I...You...S.T.?

S.T.: I'll pretend I didn't hear that. Now who's squirming.

Harmony: Boys. Look, S.T. we're not mad about that, but we were wondering why you didn't ask us for help on it. We would have loved doing specials.

S.T.: I know that, but at the time, I couldn't think of a good idea for you two. I was gonna suggest a Halloween themed song, but I couldn't think of any ideas for you. Here though, I realized your vocals make great ballad material. Since I wanted to do Christmas in my own strange way, I thought of doing a ballad legend song.

Light Harmony: Really?

S.T.: Ya.

Light: Who's the ballad for.

S.T.: Santa Claus.

Harmony: NO FUCKING WAY!!

Light: What's the big deal, lot's of people do Santa songs.

Harmony: None are S.T. Don't get me wrong, there have been Christmas Carols about the guy, parody songs like that Iron Man one I Am Santa Claus, you name it. However very few actually go in depth like he does. He's not just going for the fat guy that delivers toys, he's going to cover the legends behind him. Even offer his own take on it.

Light: Could you say all that again? Without undressing him with your eyes?

S.T.: How did you k--

Light: She crosses her eyes in a twitch when she thinks someone notices her checking them out. Don't worry you're not the first. She had a boyfriend long ago. This guy was an urchin like us. She could not take her eyes off him even if she went blind.

S.T.: How come she moved onto me?

Light: Well it didn't work out between them. Dark Divide recruited him because he was an ace at Sleight of Hand. They thought he'd make a great pick pocket. They fought. Verbally, then physically. His side on the matter was, that he wanted to make enough money to leave the streets. We don't judge the motive, just the means. Which was something he couldn't agree with. He struck her. Before I could step in I saw another look. Those cross eyes became glaring daggers of death. Even her retina's changed from blue to molten gold. Before he knew it, his arms and legs were disabled. His body covered in bloody teeth marks.

S.T.: She attacked him like an animal.

Light: I've seen this kind of attitude before. Among urchins. It's not unusual for them to go feral when out in the streets for long. However what she became would scare the ferals. Luckily I wasn't in any danger.

S.T.: How so?

Light: When she enters that state, her senses are heightened. She could tell friend from foe by the smell. It's why she's always kept close to you. She was trying to memorize your scent.

S.T.: I see...that does explain a lot.

Harmony: It's not something I like to talk about, but I'm glad you accept me for what I am.

S.T.: The way I see it, whatever that is, increases the better parts of yourself. Oh god did I just say that?

Light: You really done it now.

Before S.T. could even blink Harmony grabs him with wolf like strength pulling him into a hug.

S.T.: Can't Breathe. Ligh..wen...do...se..le..go?

Light: Just pass out man, trust me I've been there. She is a champion hugger.

An hour later S.T. is his bed, sore as ever. Light Harmony stands over him.

S.T.: Well luckily for me I've finished the instrumental. You just have to do the vocals and post.

Light Harmony: Will do.

Harmony: S.T. I....

S.T.: It's ok, I forgot you are an aggressive hugger.

Harmony: I just hope I didn't break anything.

S.T.: Nope, but I may be in bed for a while.

Harmony: Great, I always wanted to see if I'm a great nurse.

S.T.: Help...me....Light.

Light: Sorry, last time I did that she threatened to give me a flu shot.

The song was later posted on Newgrounds: