Follow-up to this.

Ok, after finally seeing a Psychiatrist, on top of my Autism, I discovered that the whole time in my life I suffered from what is known as Borderline Personality Disorder. To me it made too much sense the second I found out what that meant.

Rest assured I am ok, as my shrink recommended I simply stay on the medication with the recommendation of a higher dose in the near future. But once I learned what I suffered from I studied the sypmtoms:

1. Fear of abandonment. People with BPD are often terrified of being abandoned or left alone. Even something as innocuous as a loved one arriving home late from work or going away for the weekend may trigger intense fear. This can prompt frantic efforts to keep the other person close. You may beg, cling, start fights, track your loved one’s movements, or even physically block the person from leaving. Unfortunately, this behavior tends to have the opposite effect—driving others away.
2. Unstable relationships. People with BPD tend to have relationships that are intense and short-lived. You may fall in love quickly, believing that each new person is the one who will make you feel whole, only to be quickly disappointed. Your relationships either seem perfect or horrible, without any middle ground. Your lovers, friends, or family members may feel like they have emotional whiplash as a result of your rapid swings from idealization to devaluation, anger, and hate.
3. Unclear or shifting self-image. When you have BPD, your sense of self is typically unstable. Sometimes you may feel good about yourself, but other times you hate yourself, or even view yourself as evil. You probably don’t have a clear idea of who you are or what you want in life. As a result, you may frequently change jobs, friends, lovers, religion, values, goals, or even sexual identity.
4. Impulsive, self-destructive behaviors. If you have BPD, you may engage in harmful, sensation-seeking behaviors, especially when you’re upset. You may impulsively spend money you can’t afford, binge eat, drive recklessly, shoplift, engage in risky sex, or overdo it with drugs or alcohol. These risky behaviors may help you feel better in the moment, but they hurt you and those around you over the long-term.
5. Self-harm. Suicidal behavior and deliberate self-harm is common in people with BPD. Suicidal behavior includes thinking about suicide, making suicidal gestures or threats, or actually carrying out a suicide attempt. Self-harm encompasses all other attempts to hurt yourself without suicidal intent. Common forms of self-harm include cutting and burning.
6. Extreme emotional swings. Unstable emotions and moods are common with BPD. One moment, you may feel happy, and the next, despondent. Little things that other people brush off can send you into an emotional tailspin. These mood swings are intense, but they tend to pass fairly quickly (unlike the emotional swings of depression or bipolar disorder), usually lasting just a few minutes or hours.
7. Chronic feelings of emptiness. People with BPD often talk about feeling empty, as if there’s a hole or a void inside them. At the extreme, you may feel as if you’re “nothing” or “nobody.” This feeling is uncomfortable, so you may try to fill the void with things like drugs, food, or sex. But nothing feels truly satisfying.
8. Explosive anger. If you have BPD, you may struggle with intense anger and a short temper. You may also have trouble controlling yourself once the fuse is lit—yelling, throwing things, or becoming completely consumed by rage. It’s important to note that this anger isn’t always directed outwards. You may spend a lot of time feeling angry at yourself.
9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality. People with BPD often struggle with paranoia or suspicious thoughts about others’ motives. When under stress, you may even lose touch with reality—an experience known as dissociation. You may feel foggy, spaced out, or as if you’re outside your own body.

Now on top of the many symptoms applying to what has happened to me and how I reacted to it, I noticed a lot of people in my personal circle have suffered this disorder in some degree or another. That never once sought treatment for it. My mother being one of those people. She knew something was wrong with her and had she not been so afraid at finding out what, she would have gotten proper treatment and as a result, would have lead a more stress free life. In turn it wouldn't have made the cancer that killed her worse. Plus it didn't help that she had two kids suffering from the same shit with one going down a dark path while the other was falling into said path trying to get out.

It also made me realize why so many people stick to stuff like Social Media or sites like this. Much like myself, they fear being alone or abandoned and seek solace with complete strangers all over the world. To put it plainly, we all have it one way or another and we never once sought help for it. At least, that's how I was. But now that I know my problem, I know I can stop it. I am still me, I assure you, it's just I had to find the worst parts of me and the root of it and I found it. Now, I'm getting better treatment for it, I'm able to move on with my life for the better and who knows, it may unleash a more creative side of me even I couldn't imagine.

But if I can solve this mystery within the span of a month or two after 27 years of dead ends, then you can solve your own. Seek therapy where you can, find the root of your problems and solve them. Simple as that.

Until then, take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

First of all I want to apologize if everyone was freaked out about my reaction to The 2024 Solar Eclipse. As someone whom studies Astrology and Astronomy, it excited me and caused me to have strange reactions, but rest assured I'm ok. In fact I feel better than ever because a lot of good things have been happening to me lately since.

For starters, more and more bad people in my neck of the woods are getting busted one by one, so they won't bother me ever again. In terms of my improved life I've found out a few things about my family history that may benefit me in the long run, so looking forward to that. Not to mention I just got my bloodwork results today. Aside from an increase of HDL Cholesterol, medically I am 100% Healthy. Plus it helped me out greatly as it allowed me to find the missing piece to my CIEIR Potion. If I increase the intake of Omega 3 Fatty Acids, I would have a clean bill of Health, but I'll cross that bridge when it comes. The only oddity was that they didn't give me my Blood type. Either they overlooked it or simply didn't know. The latter scares me a bit because I had this nagging feeling for a long time that I wasn't quite human. That said, I am healthy physically at least so for the most part the CIEIR Potion worked like a charm. I've become more active lately and at the same time I've been losing more weight than I have in the past. Soon I may end up getting more fit.

In terms of my mental health, my doctor told me that basically in layman's terms the Seratonin in my system was in my nerve cells when it should have been in my brain. Hence why my mental health had some physical effects on me. The medication is supposed to rebalance it out within 2 weeks, which I've been taking them up to today. So one problem down. I am also seeing my shrink tomorrow, just to see if I can finally vent my shit as well as get further treatment. So needless to say, I'm well on the right track to a full recovery.

If this works very well for me and you guys seen me at my ups and downs, then this kind of treatment could help cure what ails you. It doesn't cure my disorder, which was something I didn't want in the first place, but rather helps me live with it better. If it can help me, it can help you.

For now, take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

As I type this the Solar Eclipse is in Totality as we speak. In my timezone it will last until 4 PM. For those whom are outside, don't look directly at it. But enjoy the moment, I get the feeling this was the key to a new world.

Revel in this moment, have some fun, go to parties, do what makes you feel good. This is a golden moment.

I was watching it Live on Nasa's Youtube Channel. And I saw this.

It's hard to see on this screenshot, but on the bottom where the edge of the mooin is, there is some kind of Pink Energy Emittting off the sun and reflecting on the moon.

Don't know if it's some advanced science or something really supernatural, but that tiny piece is so beautiful. I can't stop looking at it and I'm lucky I'm only seeing this on screen as this would overwhelm me. I don't know what it means, but I got a good feeling it's something good. Something big.

I am glad to have lived this long to witness such an event, it's a one in a million chance of seeing it and I didn't miss it for the world. Everything I've seen and witnessed over the years, lead up to this moment. I no longer feel shackled by the burdens of my past and I hope for a better future.

Thank you all for following my journey. It was enlightening and it's been a blast.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

Update 3:27. While I was waiting for it to be over, I saw this:

It's like nothing I ever seen before outside every Sci-Fi and Fantasy media I have ever witnessed from Sword in The Stone to the Legend of Zelda. This is getting more interesting than I hoped.

It's coming in a few minutes.

Bit of a mini-revelation, but for context. Whenever I feel I need to, I do what I call a Wicca-Ojibwe Mix, in terms of rituals. In layman's terms I smudge, but rather than use Ojibwe Prayers I use Wiccan Incantations to better focus my will and intent.

Now the one thing Native Medicine and Wiccan Practices have in common other than the herbs being used, is that they have what is known as Calling Corners. In which you have to face a certain direction to have your intent more heard.

In the case of Wicca:

1. North: Earth
2. South: Fire
3. East: Air
4. West: Water

In the case of Native:

1. North: Protection
2. South: Love
3. East: Finance
4. West: Letting Go.

Now in reference to my Previous Article, where I went to let things go was often West, because I've had friends and family that lived further west of me and much of the stuff that kept me entertained such as the arcades I went to would often be further West. Or so I thought. Because of the change in transportation that happened over the past year, I went West, Then North to where I needed to go. Letting go and protection. Which made me realized that the places I went to were Spiritual Safe Spots. Places I needed to go to protect myself and others around me without any effort whatsoever. Simply go there, do what you gotta do, call it a day and go home.

Now before I did my recent smudge, Traditionally I go North, South, East and West. North to give thanks to the Earth, South in respect of my element Fire and East and West in respect to others born under those elements in my circle. However just recently as an experiment, after doing North, South East and West, I did another smudge. Facing the directions between them. Northwest, Southwest, Northeast and Southeast. Combining Protection and Love with Finance and Letting Go. Basically combining the elements in a way that no one else thought of, because of a few following factors.

1. It never occurred to them.
2. If it did, they didn't think it would work.
3. It breaks what they view as tradition and they fear consequence.

Now I must admit, I am a stickler for some traditions, but while I do insist I'm still Wiccan as my core, I never really got fully immersed in any religion, because I started seeing faults. In terms of Christianity, lessons and values that contradict with other lessons and values.

Part of the reason why many parents have trouble controlling their children and putting them on the right path to life, is because they want their kids to do things strictly THEIR way and not even remotely listen to suggestions that could have improved them. It's why so many kids suffer, because they have trouble finding the line between pleasing their loved ones and doing their own thing.

Part of why my life was so miserable, was because I was under the impression that God, or whatever was up there, was punishing me for not listening to them at all, when in actuality, I was only supposed to listen to advice that was important and useful, but reject what doesn't apply to me and do my own thing. Basically Jeet Kune Do'ing Life in a nutshell. At first I thought they were afraid I was gonna fail, but in actuality, certain people, even with the best interests at heart have often tried to subdue me because they were afraid of being proven wrong about me. And every time I've done so, even by accident, makes them double down on trying to control me. It's basically the feud between Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders all over again:

People have often tried to root for Homer, simply because he was the main character and he resonated with those in similar situations as him. However, when I look back at this clip, Homer was in the wrong about everything in this. He was under the insecure delusion that Flanders believed he was better than him and was bragging about it. When in actuality, Flanders simply wanted Homer to be his friend. It's why the episode ended with Homer being further humiliated. Because he assumed everyone was like him and would suffer like he did, only for the episode to end saying "Not everyone is like you, so stop trying."

Myself, if I saw a potential friend with cooler stuff than me, I don't get jealous, I just think the person is awesome even if they don't think so themselves. If something happens that makes my life better, I try to share with others through my experiences in hopes they'd find something that would help them out of their own funk. They don't have to be like me, but at the same time my advice is not unwarranted. Hell, much of the reasons why people both online and in the real world hate me so much, was because they simply assumed that I thought I was better than them.

I'm not trying to be better than anyone, I never see life as a competition even if others disagree. I'm simply me. I do things my way, but at the same time appreciate the help that got me there.

The only regret was, that it took me a long time to realize that, because I used to seek out those that didn't care for me for validation. Now that I gotten over that, I can freely move on with my life without any obstacles that can't be overcome. And if I can do that, so can you. Stop focusing on what people have that you don't. Stop focusing on trying to please everyone be it your personal, professional or even religious life. Just be yourself, do things your way. Add your own spin on an old tradition or break it entirely. Life should never be an endless cycle anymore. Break the cycle.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

I realized now while I am happy that part of the reason happy things were freaking me out lately, was because my body, mind and spirit were counting down to a rare event that is gonna happen tomorrow. A total Solar Eclipse is happening tomorrow. I don't know what is gonna happen afterwards, but I just know what I have to do beforehand. I gotta keep living my life, avoid as much drama as I could and enjoy the time I have while I still can.

Now much of the reason why although I appreciate the good that's been coming to me including good ideas, that I reacted in fear even masking it through comedy sometimes to my friends and family that have despite witnessing what happened to me, are in such disbelief their natural response is to tell me to stay away from what I am doing, is because of the following factors.

1. Part of me doesn't believe it's real until I see the results 100%, yet I am witnessing impossible things before my very eyes. Hell I'm taking meds that really help me with my overall problems and I'm seeing a shrink in a couple days after said eclipse. So by all intents and purposes, if I were delusional of the things I've seen, then that alone should stop me from seeing it. Yet I'm still fucking seeing it. What I am seeing and experiencing up to this point is real and I gotta stop running away from it. I have to face it head on.
2. Much of it is the fact that much like my trademark bad luck in the past everything was handed to me at the right time and the right place. Whether it's some gift that comes in handy, money I needed in a jam or just a new good idea flooding to me. Before I dropped my baggage, my plans were somewhat successful, nowadays, every plan I've made has a 100% Guarantee of Success should I pull them off. Some of which as I speak coming to fruition. As Ian Malcom once said "Boy do I hate being right all the time." As much as I'm glad it's happening, I keep thinking "Why now?" Which I should stop.
3. As much as I joke about the end of the world. One of my biggest fears was the world ending and everyone dying. And with the planets no longer in alignment and the eclipse coming. Two things that often signify the end of said world, I naturally got terrified. Hell, I was literally trying to find ways to stop it. However I realized that the term "End of the World." Doesn't necessarily meaning the Earth Exploding or the human race becoming extinct. It means the end of the Current world and the beginning of a new world. It was the change aspect that was scaring me, but once I realized what we are changing into, I welcome it. I welcome the pain and anguish that requires change to happen.

Because as it turns out, we're not dying. The moon isn't gonna crash down on our planet while we say goodbye to our loved ones:

And what's changing us is not necessarily bad:

In fact that's what it is. It's evolution.

Human Evolution. Be it in body, mind, environment or even soul, has often changed and evolved once every 100 years. And whether you realized it or not, you've all witnessed the changes happen over the past 100 years. Or to some of us whom were born from the 90s to the 2000s. At least a few decades. I myself went through many changes in my life. From the weird oddball kid, to the bully victim, to the bully, to the anti-hero I've been since I graduated High School, but now I have become something more. Something I can't describe. It's painful, it's scary, it's almost like going through a second puberty to be honest. Only it's on a species level scale. I've become smarter, wiser. Still cocky, but in a fun and positive way and hell, like some people have said, my art is improving and I've become more mellow over the years. I've lost weight and I'm well on my way to getting the body I desired, despite impossible odds, I found true love and watched her evolve too. I knew not to give a crap what people think of me as long as they're not important in my life. And to top it off, my sense of adventure has increased so much that literally money limits me from going all over the world. I used to think when the eclipse happened it'd be the end of the world as we know it. And in a way it is. The old world we are so used to despite all it's flaws is ending. A new world is emerging from the ashes, like a Phoenix. This is our new golden age.

If we screw this one up, then it is bye bye to the world, but until then. Enjoy the time you all have. Spend time with loved ones, have some fun in your favourite spots and hope to whatever's out there, that you'll make it. Because one thing I do know, a lot that come out during the eclipse will go blind and will go crazy. Me I'm just gonna ride it out until it's over and enjoy the time while I still can.

Until then, take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

Following up from this one.

Sometimes drama is often hard to avoid because of the following factors:

1. It being close to where you live. Be it School, Home or the usual hangouts you go to. That's the point of why Drama lasts. Because even if you escape it somewhere, you'll hear about it back at home. So the key on that one is to find places away from home where you'll either be left alone or god forbid find new people to socialize with.
2. Sometimes people are simply not in the mood to do anything else because they feel they need to resolve everything before they move on. Sometimes, some things are better left unresolved as the problem usually solves itself one way or another. You can put effort into it, but if it's a lost cause. Simply walk away.
3. The main problem, hence why I wrote this as a follow up. We simply have nothing better to do.

In the age of Home Consoles which existed way before I was even born, things like arcades and other hangouts were often on the verge of extinctions. Simply because a lot of us both old and modern would think "Why spend our quarters on this when we can play it for free at home?" To me Home Consoles as much as I love them can never take away the arcade going experience. Why sit at home with a controller playing your racing game, when you can be out there driving the car with actual steering and gas. Why play a shooting game at home and expressing your rage there with a push button system, when you can simply go out there and use a toy gun to vent your frustrations. Hell, the one thing arcades do have that home consoles don't, is that depending on the game, you win more than points. You win prizes you could either keep or give to someone as a present. You could compete with others in a fun and healthy way. Hell if you're on a date, you could impress them with your Skee-Ball skills.

Over the years, I seen hints that Arcades were making a comeback. It first hinted to me when I watched the AVGN video on Polybius:

The whole thing taking place in a warehouse owned by a guy whom simply loved arcades and had some of the most valuable ones no one sees anymore.

In my neck of the woods, save for Playdium, many arcades are often branched out from other fun places like Movie Theatres and Bowling Alleys. Places of fun where there are often lot's to do. Even amusement parks. If games aren't your thing, you could watch a movie that came out even if it's one that's crappy. You could go bowling and try to see if you can get a perfect game. You could even ride the rides or play on the carny games for more prizes. The possibilities are endless outdoors.

As a kid, I was brought to places like that, mostly because I thought my parents were just picking places they liked to go. It wasn't until recently, that I realized while they are fun as a kid, the places I was taken to, would be even more fun as an adult. I think when we got overtly dependent on screens, that we lost that initial spark, that meaning to have fun because either the news was scaring us from it or bad things conveniently happen to those places which discourage us from going. Not to mention most people compensate by watching Youtube Videos on famous rides. I remember when Youtube was in it's heyday, one of the first videos I watched was of someone going on the old Spider-Man Ride at Universal Studios:

And while it was cool to see how the ride looked, because I was not in the same country as it and even if I was, I probably wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway, I feel now, that it would have been more cooler if I was there seeing Spider-Man pop out in 3D. And that's the way things should be.

Computers should only be for alternatives to media and helping with one's business life, not defining one's entire life. We shouldn't sit here, wasting away and doing nothing when there's still so much of our worlds to explore. We need to spark that inner-child again and actually re-learn how to have fun.

Now I know what you're thinking. "Some of us are adults, we should focus on how to put food on the table." And you're right, but what's the point of making money if on top of survival, you're not allowed to have fun as a certain wise Doctor said:

"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes."

And that's what we need to be. Childish, but in a good way. Not the spoiled brat image we come to regress to over the years, but the laughing, playing, positive and peaceful kids we used to be before our own hardships corrupted us. It's high time we take our childhoods back while we still can and not screw it up this time.

After I write this article, I'm not gonna focus on the stressful parts of the day. I'm gonna go out there, go to the nearest arcade and have some fun. Because it's a free country and I should do whatever the Hell I want. I think you all should do the same. I'm sure there's places you either never been to or haven't been to in a long time. Hit those places up. Have some fun. The possibilities are endless. Because it's a hell of a lot better than sitting here and bitching about stuff, that isn't worth the stress, time or energy. Sometimes people need to unplug.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

I won't go into detail exactly what happened to me today, but let's just say recent events have cropped up that I can only explain to be Karmic in nature. Literally every bad thing that's happened to me over the years has begun to patch itself up and resolve itself and I'm not sure if it was because I simply had to wait for it to come to fruition or if maybe I had a hand in things due to my own recent actions. But I can safely say that I'm not the only one that experienced this sort of phenomena.

For context, a long time ago I once said "The longer it takes for Karma the better or worse it's gonna get for whom receives either." I was just saying that as mostly a mantra, in hopes I'd live long enough to either see good things happen to me, karma catch up with bad people or both. The way I saw it, if someone was taking almost an eternity to earn the things they dreamed about and it pays off, then odds are it's gonna be more than what they bargained for. Whereas if someone did one or many nasty things over the years of their life, then the punishment karmic wise would seem like overkill to those that don't get why they deserved such harsh punishment.

In my case, bad things seemed to happen to me in pinpoint accuracy and while I wondered why at the time I know for a fact now that it was the result of Bad Karma, but not exactly from bad deeds in my life, but because I didn't do things differently in my life to try to change it until recently. And even then, all the times I hoped things were gonna get better, I was often discouraged, because something bad would happen along the way. Nowadays it's the opposite. Every time I've seemed to have a bad day, it turns around one way or another, affecting the aspects of my life I wanted for a long time. Now, just recently certain people that messed with my life in my home area, have slowly and surely gained their comeuppance one way or another, starting with one person. However with the way things are going, it will affect things that allow all the people that have hurt me over the years to get theirs as well.

It's like the balance of Karma has shifted on my end of things and as I said before, I wasn't the only one to notice it in my life. Others have seen it in their life too.

At first I was shocked, even borderline scared, but what I witnessed gave me hope and a taste of the good things to come so long as I continue down this new path.

I think maybe that's the secret to Good Karma, not just simply doing good deeds for others, but also do good things for yourself in hopes it can improve your life. Try it out. Maybe find things that you had problems with in the past that you can solve now. The sky is the limit.

Until then, take care, stay safe, stay tuned for more.

I just realized the reason why so many of us don't give up on our dependence of technology, social media and even the dramas that infect the very net itself. It's the most simplest reason, it relates to all of us and it's why we been suffering a lot lately. Whether your rich and stable or poor and down in the dumps, whether you like life the way it is or whether you strive to be better, it's all because of one simple concept:

We are all bored.

We look for things to fill our time, whether it's jobs that get us money for the necessities or careers that move us up to beyond the basic standards of survival. Or maybe you don't want just money, maybe you feel you can kill your boredom while helping someone else down on their luck. You volunteer, you donate, you even go so far as sparing some of your food to your fellow neighbor. It's also why Drama is hard to ignore, because even if we hate it, it brought excitement to our lives. No different than watching a good movie or going to your favorite music spots. Everything we ever done in life that has made it hard for us to live was because we tried to balance out what would help us and what would kill time for us when there's nothing else.

But look at the world we live in. It's gotten big to the point where money, while time consuming can be made by anyone with the right ideas. It's gotten so big, that there is so much to do and so much to explore. It's why most people go on vacations out of the country, they explored their worlds, they want to explore others. We shouldn't fight each other, we should learn more about each other so we can share this world rather than conquer it.

Find some common ground, have some parties, hell even do something stupid that would make them all laugh. The possibilities are endless. But if that doesn't kill your boredom I don't know what would.

I found many things to kill mine and it's made me feel better about life. Find yours.

First of all Happy Easter. Second of all, it's my birthday once again and I am now officially 33 years old. I have outlived Bruce Lee and now am at the same age Jesus got crucified. Man what a fucking journey. I was able to focus a lot on my self-care, still going btw. I was able to find balance in my life I never thought I could do. To top it off, with the eclipse just 7 days away, I get the feeling things will get very strange yet very good. Let this be a lesson to all of you whom reach this far in their life. Life is worth living when you know how to put aside the bullshit. I wish you all well.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.