This is probably one of the strangest blogs, I ever written. But it will all make sense. I just had to tell as many people as I could about this, because I think I discovered The Secret, but in my own way, but it's a way we call can relate no matter who we are, where we're from or what we're doing in life at this very moment good or bad.

Ok for context, a weird question. Has there ever been a time in your life, where you remember doing stupid things? Doesn't matter what they are or why you did them, but basically any moment from your childhood, to your adulthood. Whether it's sneaking into a movie theater or doing drugs at certain times or things like that. Things that are often risky, dangerous and even if you survive, you'd most likely get into a lot of trouble. Think about it for a moment. Think about it before you read further.

Anywho, for those who aren't TLDR freaks, listen up.

Over the past 27 years of my 32, soon to be 33 year old life this coming April, I have done a boat load of stupid things. Getting into fights at school and in public, going to war with my own city in one way or another. Got involved in many Controversies and pissing off the wrong people in general. While also living a life of Weed, Booze, Cigarettes and the occasional Hallucinogen, mostly to expand my mind, but still pretty fucking stupid. I thought I was surely gonna either die, get arrested or simply fall into a portal leading directly to Hell itself. But then I realized something. In those years I've also managed to achieve great things. I graduated High School, I worked up the courage to advertise my work on sites like these. Achieving not financial success, but critical success. Making new friends and enemies alike both on the net and in real life. Going on epic adventure after epic adventure, while at the same time doing what I can to protect and help the woman I love. I basically lead the life of a Superhero, without even realizing it until now and while I have yet to achieve success here, I found other ways of succeeding. Some which will take time, but eventually will pay off.

Now at the time, all the stupid shit didn't seem to go anywhere for me, but then I took my reflection of my life to a wider lens. I realized that separately these events don't go anywhere, but together in a sequence that started when I was 5 years old and seems to slowly but surely come to a close in this part of my life. I realized then and there, that all my random stupidity became a dangerous, risky, convoluted, crazy, Master Plan. As a result I was able to find better ways to improve my life and keep moving forward no matter what. And honesty I think it was because I did those stupid things. They caused a ripple effect.

Now I'm not saying try to do more stupid things, but what I am saying, is next time you realize you've done a stupid thing, air your regret, smile and move on. Because you never know. It may not mean much then, but later on, it could save your life. It saved my life and I'm still trying to fight to improve it. Whether you know it or not, the stuff you've all done, stupid or no, matters in your life. Rather than hate it, appreciate it. Who knows, maybe that bad joke you told way back when, would end up being funny now. Or you could stop a nuclear meltdown, playing Eeny Meeny Miny Moe. The possibilities are endless of how much stupidity can pay off. Some can make money off it laughing at it ala Daria. Or show more appreciation to how creative stupidity can get ala Beavis and Butthead. The sky's the limit.

Don't listen to this guy:

Listen to the idiot he's speaking to:

He may not be bright, but he accomplished a lot including but not limited to using his love of food to save his life.

Point being is, that over the years, I looked down on stupidity, because I thought I was superior to it. But that's not true, I can be just as stupid as any other person. I'm only human. But nowadays I seen many great things created by a lot of lovable idiots and I can't wait to see more.

That's the secret, learning to appreciate all aspects of life, including the negative. Especially now that you've learned from it all.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

Picking Up Where This Left Off

One day, S.T. Musician in uniform was patrolling. He finally sees the Deadly Demoness in her uniform. They confront each other knowing who each other is. They stare at each other in a way, that you don't know if they're gonna fight, but instead, S.T. reaches his hand out for her to shake.

S.T. Musician: My name is Shane. It's very nice to meet you.

Deadly Demoness: My name is Winter. It's nice to meet you too. What do you have in that satchel?

S.T. Musician: Well, I saw you were having trouble in your day to day life that I thought I'd help you out. I notice you're a spiritual person like myself so I thought this would help you.

He takes out a bag of white sage and a bottle of Lavender essential oil.

S.T. Musician: I know you're a user so the Lavender would take off any headache that you'd have when you're craving. The sage, is mostly to eliminate all negativity on you and your environment. It will also battle any demons that have been haunting you lately.

Deadly Demoness: Thank you. I had a feeling you weren't like the others.

They walk on the way to the building but it's guarded by the wannabes. They see her, but they don't see him.

S.T.: I gotta be honest. I really hate your friends.

Deadly Demoness: So do I.

S.T.: Let's split up. I'll go to the back you go to the front. We'll try to meet in the lobby.

Deadly Demoness: I'll look out for you. I love you.

They split off. S.T. Enter's The backdoor while Deadly Demoness goes to the front. S.T. meet's Light Harmony while Deadly Demoness is intercepted by WDD Wannabe Dark Divide. While he waits for her, he talks to his friends.

S.T.: She's an adventurer, I'll give her that.

Light: What happened?

S.T.: I found out she was a spiritualist, so I took stuff from my own cultures, to help her. Sage and Lavender Oil.

Harmony: You're trying to save her soul? Wow you must really love this woman.

Light: What about her, is she gonna be ok?

S.T.: She'll be fine. She's a tough person. If she can't flirt her way out, she'll fight her way out. I just hope to God she didn't think I ditched her.

S.T. Lays Low at Light Harmony's pad. Smoking weed and cigarettes while listening to music.

S.T.: You know what's strange? Before I met her, I did a what if scenario song on Cinderella. And then she shows up to play the role for real. A Cinderella, lost on the way home looking for her prince.

Light: Maybe she heard your song before and was a fan of your work. Even Dark Divide can't take that from you.

Harmony: Maybe it was meant to be prophetic. That you somehow manifested this girl through law of attraction. Take away the fact that she's supposed to be our enemy and look at what you have. A lost, lonely child in an adult's body, whom is looking for love and is nice to those that deserve it. Sound familiar.

S.T.: She's me. Is that what you're saying.

Harmony: It is. I only know that because you saw yourself in us, when you helped it out. Maybe you should go check on her.

S.T. goes back to the lobby, but everyone was gone. He felt bad even though he knew she was still alive through their connection. He gives up and goes back home, only to find her in the lobby, looking like she just walked away from a fight.

Deadly Demoness: They called me a dog. I hate when they call me that.

S.T.: Did you make them suffer for it.

Deadly Demoness: Yeah.

S.T.: That's my girl.

S.T. Invited her over to the house. Now fun fact, although there were many women in his life, S.T. Musician, never made it this far with any of them. He never been kissed, he never even had sex as he thought his purity would enhance his spirituality. So needless to say he was hesitant. Whereas Deadly Demoness, through experience knew right away. She took the lead, gave him some practice kisses to start and they had their first makeout session. It only lasted a few minutes, but to them it was an eternity. They hung out, watched a movie and laid beside each other, the connection was strong. They were still fully clothed, not once doing anything other than stay close. Yet the energy that surrounded them felt like they were making love for an eternity. When it was time for her to go, he escorted her out of the door.

Deadly Demoness: Bye Prince Charming.

S.T. Musician: See you later Cinderella.

The next day comes. Light Harmony and S.T. are hanging out.

Harmony: You made out with her?! Damn, now I do feel jealous. What was it like?

Light: HARMONY!!! The man had his first official French kiss, he's entitled to some privacy.

S.T.: It's ok I'll tell you.

Light: Oh God no.

S.T.: It's ok, I'll keep it somewhat clean. It is Newgrounds after all, adults aren't the only one reading this. And any kid who complains about getting scarred for life should have just stopped reading here. Anywho, one of my biggest fears as a kid was kissing a girl, I like girls, but I was always hesitant for one reason or another. Be it not being ready or worried how'd they react if I was spontaneous. And of course the various STDs out there. Yet. She picked up on that, taught me how to do it until I got into the motion for it and we did it for real. And I never felt a cleaner mouth. It was like disturbingly clean.

Light Harmony: Ah we see.

S.T.: I figure if I keep seeing her more often and she feels safer around me I could convince her to turn her life around. It won't be easy, she's been used to it for a long time so a lot of hard wiring. It's why I started with the sage and oil. Save her soul. Save her health. Save her life.

To be continued......

Picking up where this left off.

The following takes place on Christmas day.

S.T. Musician: Do you see that?

Light: It looks like people getting Christmas Donations.

S.T. Musician: Ya but look who's giving them.

Harmony: Ya that is suspicious, people thought he was just a panhandler. Yet he somehow was resourceful enough to get a donation van.

Light: Ya. I get the feeling those gifts come with a price.

S.T.: Ya it's like they're making a deal with the Devil. What is this guy?

Harmony: You think he may be the one doing all this crap in town? Getting the other dunderheads going while he "Swoops" in to save them hoping for votes.

Suddenly across the street, the Mystery Girl is seen walking. Looking at S.T. as if verbally telling him to follow her.

S.T.: Look I have to go. I need to see her before I go consult the order.

Light: I still think it's not right pursuing her, especially after knowing who she is.

Harmony: Ah let him have a break, better him run off with a seductress, than deal with this two-faced fuck.

S.T.: Good point. See ya.

S.T. Runs across the street.

Light Harmony: That girl is gonna eat him alive. He's doomed.

He runs into the Mystery Girl.

S.T.: I thought I'd run into you before I left. I have to go talk to some people out of town.

Mystery Girl: That's fine, I'm visiting folks for the holidays.

S.T.: Huh, so we're both gonna be busy.

Mystery Girl: Ya. Well Merry Christmas.

S.T.: Merry Christmas.

Suddenly out of nowhere they hug each other. Their lips to each other's ears. Whispering their confession.

S.T.: Know that no matter what happens, I'll always love you.

Mystery Girl: I love you too.

They let each other go and she runs off. The young Priestess shows up.

Young Priestess: It's time.

Back in the temple, S.T. is surrounded by the order once more. They all stare at him with an expression that is neither happy, sad, angry or even scared. They were completely stonefaced.

S.T.: Look. I know you tasked me to fight a great evil and needless to say I succeeded for the most part, including exposing an even greater evil. But now I found something else to care about and I want to see how this goes. All I want to know do I have to do anything from here on now.

Old Priestess: In the past years you've caused great pain to your enemies, your temple got destroyed and your compatriots nearly murdered your hated foe. I would say you've done enough.

Young Monk: The new evils should not even be your concern. Now about this girl. You know she has an evil past, yet you continue to pursue her?

Head Abbot: It is quite questionable. You're not one to go easy on evil. You must really fancy this woman.

Young Priestess: I've known Shane since we recruited him. Although his methods are questionable to say the least, he achieves results and tries to be a good judge of character.

Young Monk: You're just saying that because you fancy him too.

Young Priestess: Aww fuck you.

S.T. turns to the young priestess in shock. The rest just face palm.

Old Priestess: You really rubbed off on her. Look. We only want to know one thing. Are you happy?

S.T.: Yes. I feel we could make each other happy.

Head Abbot: From this point on, you don't have to do anything within your powers as a superhero, we will find a way to take care of these demons, you deserve a well earned sabbatical. I was in love once, never had the chance to tell the person how I felt. Don't lose yours.

S.T.: Thank you.

After the Holidays came and went, S.T. decided to do a little cat and mouse game. Him in civilian clothes, to see if he could find her. Yet every time he tried, she found him. Although it wasn't all consistent. One time, she was missing for 3 days. He went to the local pizza shop while he was looking. Sighing to himself.

S.T. Musician: Where are you Cinderella?

That was when he sees her walking by. In her Dark Divide minion attire, yet more concealed. The only thing recognizable was the lips he saw when he first saw her behind the mask. He went to follow her at first but....

Mystery Girl: TELEPATHICALLY Stop. You're in danger. Don't follow me.

S.T. Stops, but sits on the bench. Not following her, but watching where she goes. It was then he realized, she's in disguise and cutting off contact for now, for his protection.

The next day, he goes home. Sees her in the hallway before he goes upstairs and acts surprised to see her.

S.T.: Hey how was the holidays?

Mystery Girl: I wanted to see if you were ok.

S.T.: So you have been protecting me.

Mystery Girl: Ya.

S.T.: I appreciate that. Though try to see me more often.

Later on.

S.T.: She's not evil. She's well aware of the situation and she was protecting me.

Light: She was protecting you?

Harmony: How did you know she was telepathic?

S.T.: When I was a kid, I had some gifts, empathy, some telepathy, precognition and clairaudience. I grew up in a family which had supernatural encounters mostly, but they were minimal. She basically used hers to warn me without drawing attention to herself. This girl is a lot more smarter than she lets on.

Light: Well I guess you must see her again. Maybe there's a reason.

Harmony: Ya, plus, they said you don't have to do anything. Maybe seeing her would help with that.

S.T.: There's something else. Even though she told me not to follow her, she still approached my building like she was drawn to it. Either she was looking for a place we could talk, or maybe she was giving me clues. Either way. I figured out a few things. First off, she's a lot more powerful than I think. Second off, she's using that power to help me. I can't describe it, it's like we're linked. I could sense her, but I can't pinpoint it. Some kind of psychic atrophy.

Light: Ya, when you solve more problems with your fist, your mind becomes lazy.

Harmony: Maybe you need to go back to your paranormal roots.

To be continued.

The following takes place after S.T. Musician and Light Harmony of CIEIR Music defeated Dark Divide. Although remnants of the organization remains, peace has somewhat been attained in Fair City. S.T., in an attempt to adjust to a more normal and peaceful life rented a small, cheap apartment, where he can spend his free time doing what he wants on top of the usual crime fights. One day on Halloween, he attended a Karaoke Session. Light Harmony was there with him outside as he went for a post Karaoke Smoke.

Light: You really oughta quit those.

S.T.: I know. It's nothing, though, I just don't know what to do with myself. I fought crime among most things, out of sheer boredom. I kinda miss fighting the bad guys.

Harmony: I know what you mean. That fight with Dark Divide was the stuff of comic books. Still, we should enjoy this peace after all, we get to let loose and have fun.

Light: Who the hell is that?

Suddenly a woman shows up in an extravagant outfit with a mask. It looked like a mix between a fairy and a princess. She pranced around ballet style before dancing near the group. She looks at him, says nothing, but takes an earring off. Leaving it by S.T.'s feet. Before smiling, winking at him and prancing off. The trio was in shock.

Light: Huh, well that's something you don't see every day.

Harmony: I don't know, something about her is awfully familiar. S.T.? Are you ok?

S.T.: Did she just pull a Cinderella move on me?

Light: Oh God no. Shane, don't. I know you been lonely the past year, but don't.

Harmony: I agree, there's something about her I don't trust. Though it could be just jealousy in my case. I never caught your eye once when I was crushing on you.

Light: Harmony!!

S.T.: It's ok, she's over it. She's just making a comparison.

S.T. Picks up the Earring.

Light: Why did you pick that up?

S.T.: Well it's like you said. This is something that doesn't happen every day. Plus I have a pretty good idea who's behind that mask.

Harmony: Oh? Who?

S.T.: Well I won't say her name, but I met her about a year ago. In terms of appearance she's oddly attractive to me, but I knew her line of work and was forewarned to stay away from her. But she was polite and nice and worse she did was ask for a smoke.

Light: Oh God I see where this is going. Let me guess, you were being a gentleman and even lit it for her.

S.T.: Ya. Even when I knew what she was about, compared to the other bad guys here, she was harmless. It was like she was the building's version of a house cat. Popping up everywhere, nice to some people mean to others. And while I wasn't quite interested in her, she did try getting my attention one way or another. Showing up in my usual hangouts in elaborate costumes or sometimes even an outfit that suited my taste. You know I'm a sucker for 80s wear.

Light Harmony: We're familiar with it.

S.T.: One day I seen her in the lobby crying. Didn't know what it was about, but I felt in my heart I had to check on her. It was like she was a bad girl with an innocent soul. We kept our distance but still talked to each other, exchanged smokes. Typical stranger life. I think she did this because I was nice to her and she was trying in her own odd way to return the kindness.

Harmony: I don't know. There's just something there, something....dark.

S.T.: That's not what scares me. What scares me is I feel like I met her before. A long time ago.

The month passes by and S.T. put the fear of God into, two gangster wannabes that tried to lead what was left of Dark Divide. S.T. is out alone while Light Harmony goes shopping for a couple minute. The woman shows up in regular clothes.

S.T.: Oh hello. How are you?

Mystery Girl: Not to bad. You wouldn't happen to have a cigarette by any chance would you?

S.T.: Unfortunately no. Sorry.

The woman looks at S.T., with a look on her face that seems to show happiness, yet something she's holding back. Then suddenly, she grabs him and kisses him. Out of reflex, he dodges so she kisses him on the cheek. She then runs off just as Light Harmony saw the whole thing. Both smiling at him teasingly.

S.T.: I don't know what to make of this! WHAT THE FUCK!!? I don't know what to make of this.

Light: You sly dog you. I cannot believe we saw that.

Harmony: Damn, talk about the perfect timing.

S.T.: I'm just as shocked as you are. Cinderella just fucking kissed me. I did not see that one coming.

Light: Well she clearly likes you, maybe you should go talk to her.

Harmony: Ya, it wouldn't be the first time you helped a lonely soul out. After all we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.

S.T.: I don't know, I mean she's nice and all, but like you guys there's something about her I don't trust. Plus, part of why I don't pursue anymore is because I had rotten luck with women. Crushes that never went anywhere, Divide trying to Rape me every chance she gets. I don't know, maybe I'm just insecure.

Light: Well we been through Hell together so that's normal.

Harmony: Ya. You never know things might happen.

S.T.: We'll see.

Another month rolls around. A couple days before Christmas, S.T. and Light Harmony were having dinner when the girl shows up again. She hands him what looks like a grey piece of cloth.

Light: First she Cinderella's you. Then she kisses you. What is she up to this time.

Harmony: What did she give you?

S.T. unravels the cloth to see a pair of fresh store bought woman's underwear her size.

S.T.: Are you fucking kidding me?

Light: What the actual fuck?!

Harmony: Any more signals and there'd be landing lights on her bed sheet.

S.T.: This is starting to scare me a little.

After a rough moment with the DD Wannabes. S.T. heads for the stairwell. He sees her across the hallway and while he tries to smile to keep up appearances. But she could tell he was still angry.

Mystery Girl: Are you ok?

S.T.: Ya I'm fine. Look, I gotta go, I just to feel like talking to people right now.

He storms away. Moments later Light Harmony shows up.

Light: What's the matter?

Mystery Girl: Your friend showed up, he was smiling, but he looked pissed. I don't think he likes me.

Harmony: Oh, you saw him angry. Ok. Look we'll go talk to him.

The next day, S.T. and Light Harmony are hanging out.

S.T.: She thought I didn't like her? Damn. Now I feel like shit. I never meant her to feel that way.

Harmony: She seemed more worried about you though. Maybe she does like you. As in "Like" you l...fuck it. She likes you in the way I used to like you only she's more serious about it.

Light: Damn, that must have been hard to say.

Harmony: I may not be interested, but when I saw her look like that I knew exactly how she felt.

S.T.: Look, I'll set the record straight with her if I could find her.

They hang out at a burger place and he looks around after eating. By chance he finds her and gets her attention.

S.T.: First of all I wanted to apologize, I simply had a bad day and you happened to just see me like that. I heard that you thought I didn't like you, but that's not the case. You've always been nice to me and I am flattered that you like me that much, but my life is a bit complicated right now and I'm not ready for a relationship. That said, keep your hopes up. You never know.

Mystery Girl: I understand.

S.T.: That being said, to prove that whether things go well or not, that I still care, I have been holding onto this.

S.T. reaches into his pocket and pulls out the costume earing from Halloween. The Mystery Girl is so over joyed she tackles him in a hug before leaving to go about her day.

Light: Wow, I didn't know you had that in you.

S.T.: Well who knows, maybe she could be the one.

Harmony: Ya. It's like she was made for you or something.

An alert on their watches beeps Harmony looks.

Harmony: Oh shit. Uh S.T., you're gonna want to know this.

S.T.: What is it?

Light: You basically wooed an elite member of Dark Divide. She's the Deadly Demoness.

S.T.: Oh shit. I heard about her, she's beautiful, deadly and lives by her own standards of moralities. Even Dark was afraid of unleashing her. Makes sense she's moonlighting as a working girl. It'd be the best way to infiltrate people's homes. Someone must have tipped her off about me. Still it's strange.

Harmony: What is it?

S.T.: Maybe it's because I am realizing my own feelings for her, but I don't sense evil off her. I seen her in public. She even handed us Keto bars at one point. Granted she flies off the handle, but she is an overall nice person. Maybe she had to do what she did to survive this city. I get the feeling we stumbled upon a bigger mystery.

To be continued....

In my own life both here and outside the net, I went through what most people would describe a roller-coaster. I had my ups and downs. Mostly downs, but I managed to climb, fight, yell and scream my way up, just to get to the upsides of life. That being said, I was glad I was able to make it near the end of this month. As January goes to a close, I learned a lot of life lessons. Lessons in how to deal with drama, lessons in how to navigate through my life somewhat unscathed, most importantly, lessons on how to not give up on the important things in life. Life has put me through a massive ringer and yet despite how nice or how mean I get after, I am still alive, still standing, still determined to weed through the depths of Hell itself, just to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Someone very special to me told me one of the secrets to doing so. She said the following words:

BE YOU.

So it allowed me to reflect on my own life a little to see what she meant, but then I realized. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, no matter if the world likes me or hates me, the one thing they can't take away is the fact that I'm Me.

A lot of us, often put an image of ourselves that seems cool at first, but all it is, is a mask. Deep down, we are really something most societies don't want us to be. So to blend in and survive regardless of what side of the law you are on, we create an image for ourselves. Me, although I can practice what I preach, I come across as a tough guy, that fights for good causes and doesn't take shit from anyone. However while it has helped me on occasion, part of why I was failing in life, was because it wasn't all me. Deep down, I've always been a lost and lonely little boy, looking for people to accept me for who I am. However, it's not easy when modern worlds try to tell you who you are, rather than ask you who you are.

To all those younger than me, I plead. Don't define yourself with an image alone. Define yourself by being you.

Take care, Stay Safe and Stay Tuned For More.

Follow up to this:

Fight With Your Heart, Not Your Fist

Although I still stand by this article, there was often one rule in terms of fighting in general, that I and most people often overlook.

Part of the reason why I became addicted to all kinds of confrontations and the rage that ensued, despite me not wanting it to happen, was because at the time I didn't know humility as much. In High School I tried and succeeded in going through all 4 years without ever getting into a single fist fight, only limit myself to verbal confrontations. However, my biggest problem, regarding fights of all kinds is that even if I don't start them I don't back down from a challenge and when I get into it, even when my own friends and family beg me not to, I don't often know when to stop. It wasn't until I realized that my enemies were already dying by their own hands, in one way or another, that I finally knew when to stop. For context, a close relative of mine. Who was a friend one moment and an enemy the next, did something so nasty to me due to desperation and addiction, that I never wanted to see him again when he was at his worst. I basically unintentionally left him to rot in his own misery and eventually he died. And while the death saddened, me, it didn't hurt me as much as it would if I lost someone I cared more about, like my mother. I thought it was just me being in the denial stage of grief, but then I realized, it was because I was free of the bullshit he dragged into my life. While I was sad he was gone at the same time, I was relieved. Like I was finally free of a chain in my life that was dragging me down.

It wasn't until now that I realized it, when I had confrontations recently. Part of my anger at certain people, is because they remind me of the monster said relative was. That he wasn't the only one that was like that and it was mostly because of severe substance abuse mix with an over abundance of pride and envy. At the time with my relative, I unintentionally did that, not knowing it'd be the last I see him again. However in this case, regarding these people, I'm about to do it intentionally. The last time I confronted one of these disgusting, high school, pedophilic, racist pigs, I noticed something stranger than usual about him. His face was sinking into itself. He was getting paler, his eyes were blood shot, his pupils were out of wack and unlike other times he threatened me, he had nothing to say to me. This man spread false rumours of me being a racist pedophile, the very thing the man is, behind my back, because he was afraid to keep saying it to my face. He was known as a baiter bully, he would say anything that would goad people into hitting him, so that he could "Defend" himself and have them charged or worse, beaten to death if he had the balls to do so. Now the stuff he said as nasty as it was and how much I hate being called that despite not being it, obvious bait. Now on the surface, being called that would goad anyone into a fist fight whether they are or not. But to a bully, punching them in the face for specific insults regardless if they are true or not, would be confirmation for them, because normally they themselves would react that way being called it. These were smart bullies because rather than go about it like that, they would instead try to hurt me in other ways, including but not limited to, turning others against me. Once I realized that, I said my piece to those that believed the bullshit and moved on and it made me think of how I left my relative to rot. It used to be a regret, but then it became a weapon.

When I noticed that specific person was sick and I knew what it was. For context, even before I moved to the area, these people spend their days and nights, drinking excessively, doing various amount of drugs and spending their energy listening to loud music that disrupts the rest of the community, yelling over said music to talk to each other and terrorizing their punching bag of the day. Now on the surface that would make even the most law abiding citizen want to snap and beat the shit out of them, just to keep the noise down, let alone the shit these people did. However, on top of it not worth going to jail over, however just I am, it made me look at it through a different perspective. They're drinking excessively, doing various drugs, even pigging out on junk food on the odd occasion and expending energy pointlessly through yelling a lot. Now me, at my worst I do scream a lot, but at the same time, I always keep it short, say my piece and still move on no matter how vulgar it gets, but when I say someone else yells too much, then you know it's more serious. But essentially it shows in every possible way, that they're physically dying. For starters, excessive drug use, especially hard drugs like coke, crack, meth, heroin, morphine, opium, opiods, do a lot of damage to the body and mind. So that's deteriorating slowly. Alcohol does the same, but also damages the liver, making one more likely to succumb to the poisonous effects. They're well past 40 years old, the time where old injuries start catching up and stress in general puts more of a strain on the heart. Their yelling puts more strain on the heart, because they don't stop. And to top it off, my confrontations with them, through loud intimidating noise and a venom tongue, despite their claims otherwise, has wormed it's way into their psyche. Even if they don't want to have a problem with me or pretend I didn't exist, that one part they hate and fear about me is living rent free in their head. Causing more stress on top of the other ailments. Not even ruling out the possibilities they have life threatening diseases on top of that, such as cancer, high cholesterol and other permanent fatal ailments. Not that I wish for that, but it's a possibility. So they're literally dying of a short lifespan.

It made me realize that no matter how much I or anyone of my position hurt or scare them, they won't give up trying to get me one way or another, because as long as they have my attention, they have the satisfaction of someone to drag with them as they die. When I realized that and how it seemed at least in my belief that my relative's death prepared me for a moment like this, something finally clicked.

Part of why I couldn't stop fighting, is that I view some aspects of life including drama and fights like a game. Mostly Chess or some RPG Strategy. At first I was supposed to stop that mindset as it's reality not a game. However, I was thinking about it wrong, because even when I tried to face reality, things kept pulling me back into said game. Then I realized there was one aspect of gaming, the humility I lacked, because I hated to lose games in general.

The Only Winning Move Is Not To Play

So that's what I decided to do. Starting today, I am gonna at least spend a few days, trying to ignore these fucks. Maybe periodically check in on them in passing, to see if they're still rotting. Other than that, I don't see them, speak to them or be in the same area as them. I realized today, there are many spots I could go to, from Libraries, to stores, to friend's places, to family places or even sight seeing in some public park. It's what got my mind off this net drama, so why should real life drama be any different. Basically I am gonna do my best to live my life how I want it, without them even being a part of it. Part of me wanted to save these people from their inevitable demise but a wise man once said:

"I Won't Kill You, But I Don't Have To Save You"

If I'm right then they will destroy themselves in the days to come. They'll either die where they stand or in some hospital somewhere. It's one of the downfalls of heroism. You can't save everyone. That said, you don't have to either. Once you realize the badness in your life is not worth your time and energy. That you have more better or important things to do, than to deal with that bullshit, that's when you're finally free.

Me. It took me nearly losing people I love, to make me realize that they were the important things in my life. That even when I was knee deep in bullshit drama, I was still fighting with their interests in heart. Only to find that some battles are not worth fighting for at all, when the enemy has already lost and is just acting they way they are, because they don't give a shit about life anymore. Now that their's are slowly ending. And while my circumstances are a little different from others, the Aesop is still the same. Some evils can be fought with fists and with heart. However others, need a special weapon to end it all. My weapon is pacifism and a clear goal in mind. And most people thought it was a pussy move. No. It takes a stronger person to walk away from a fight than it does for someone to start from. That's why I block people I argue with, not because I feel I'm right or wrong, but because I realize it's not worth fighting more about, when it's clear they stick to their own perspective of me.

So I ask of you, even if you want to hurt the people that wronged you and you're well justified in doing it. Yet doing so would cost you a future, you worked so hard to build out of sheer pride. Was it worth it?

It took me 26 years to realize it wasn't worth it. I expect you all to learn that lesson faster.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

This one is a long time coming and it's based around my experience in my life. As most of you know, I'm Canadian. Born and raised since April 1st 1991. There have been times in my life that I showed great pride for my country, but at the same time. One of the benefits of going on the net is you meet people. Some that live halfway across the world and others just a province or state away from you. It's one of the reasons why I don't give too much of myself out on the net, because if I happened to be arguing with someone who knows where I live and is in walking distance of my home, I'd either have to call the cops or defend myself with extreme prejudice. By that I mean, fists, feet and the nearest thing I can grab to hit someone with.

However much why I bring my nationality up is that as I said, the benefits of the net is that you meet people good or bad. Some of which I've seen in sites and youtube videos related to my likes and dislikes, commenting about Canada. Both it's history and it's current events.

Not a lot of it was good, but it helped me understand more where my fellow Canadians from all walks of life were coming from. Enough for me to form a 3 Dimensional viewpoint of how I look at my country, it's politics, it's impact on the world and how the world reacts to us.

Let's break things down:

History

Like many other countries of the world, Canada has a very complicated, yet still interesting History. Me I was mostly proud of the good aspects of it. The building of cities, the day we became multicultural and our side of the known wars like World War I and World War II which while had bad moments, had moments that became our finest hour when we were doing our part in trying to save the rest of the world. However, that being said, it wasn't all that great. Much like the rest of North and South America, Europeans killed a lot of Natives and took over a lot of land. Save for me being one of Erik The Red's descendants, I do have blood that traces back to those times, but in all honesty unless I see otherwise, I don't recall anyone in my own family for at least a few centuries, doing that. My family both has British, European and Native Blood respectfully in my immediate blood relatives. I have made friends and families of individuals from nearly every single race I can find. I seen the good and bad everyone of each nation has had to experience. However while I do want to explain, in most certain ways, that in terms of my life, I'm not a bad guy. An asshole, but not a bad guy and as far as I'm concerned save for a few select individuals, neither is my family. But the Native Genocide was only the tip of the iceberg. Before the Civil War, we also had slaves of various races, Native, African, Irish, Chinese, you name it. We did the same fucking shit the states did, but that being said, eventually some of us thought it was wrong. We freed them first chance we get and we set up the last stop of the Underground Railroad. We also were responsible for those residential school situations. We took natives from their parents and put them in Christian families because we as a people at the time thought Natives were working for the Devil. Eventually we saw how wrong that was too, as more cultures came flooding in and we tried to make up for it while we can. Hell our Prime Minister is the son of a guy who was trying to lighten a civil war, only to make it worse when both sides came to Canada. My Province's Premier is part of a brother duo (The other a former mayor) that were known Crackheads and Crackdealers. Our last Toronto Mayor before the good natured Olivia Chow took over, cheated on his fucking wife. We did as much bad to our own country as we did good. Hell I live in a part of Toronto where crime is such an all time high, that even children are trying to be gangsters, thanks to the people I seen in my building every day. They corrupt kids, they hurt innocent people and often try to throw our history back in our face as if the only problem we have is the race. That's not even a problem in my case, I don't care what race you are, you could be white, black, middle eastern, far eastern or some Green Skinned Alien from Star Trek for all I know and all I fucking care, but if you do Evil, you're on my shit list. Because of my actions exposing human traffickers, I got labeled a racist pedophile, because their leader is a fake member of the Black Lives Matter movement. The man wears a shirt that says "Defund the police." Yet when I have a problem with him, him and his friends have no qualms threatening to call the cops. Does that sound like a person who wants to defund the police. The 15 year old they raped, who is now 25, despite looking white, has an African bloodline so ancient, that it predates the Islamic takeover of Northern Africa in the 7th Century. Had she died that legacy would have died with her. One of their other victims is a member of the TDSB, the board of fucking education. And yet as far as they are concerned, these people are the bad guys including me. My history no longer concerns me anymore, the past is the past and I'm moving on from it. I will only value to good sides while slightly acknowledging it, should I need to make a point. All in all the point being regarding history is despite your perception of us, we're not perfect, we're not that goody two-shoes and most importantly, we're not that nice. We're optimistic, we try to do the right thing and try to make up for our fuck ups. That's Canada.

Impact On The World

There was a time where even the most hated of countries, loved our country. Mostly because we do go out of our way to help each other out. Hell way before Russia-Ukraine, even Russia was our friends. Way before we detained each other's people, China and Canada loved each other. We were even gonna use Chinese as our third language in honor of them. It was the most voted. I would have suggested Native or Gaelic or Celtic. But somewhere along the lines we started to get a dislike for one another. There are people outside the country whom can't decide if they want to come here even just for touring. Mainly because others come back and say something along the lines "It's not that good as advertised. Weird Laws. So many racists. Blah Blah Blah." I say that not out of annoyance, but I realized something. If I were to go to your country and see what goes on there I'd come back giving the same news to my own friends and family. So as far as I'm concerned all over the world we have those that like each other's country and the blah blah blahs of the world. I used to be offended by this shit, but now it bores me. Because we all do it. Still think we're different.

But enough of the serious talk. There is one thing positive, I do know about regarding us as well as other popular countries all over the world, it's the one thing that many still talk about to this day.

Impact On Popular Culture:

Over the years we've had many great Canadians, from all walks of life having impact on the overall pop culture scenes. Celebrities like Michael J. Fox, Brenden Fraser, Mike Myers, Maurice Lamarche, Jim Carrey, Keanu Reeves. Filmmakers like David Cronenberg and whomever the hell made Degrassi. But that's just the people that worked on it. We became so well known, that pop culture has made fun of us both affectionately and aggressively. You've all heard it at one point. A Canadian in a mostly American TV Show or Movie going. "How's it going eh? We're aboot to go ice fishing and watching the Leafs beat the Habs. Have a good one." Even our own country isn't exempt from that because we pretty much started it with Bob and Doug MacKenzie:

Speaking of which, if anyone knows the fuckhead that punched out Rick Moranis, either punch him yourself or drag him to the nearest police station. That shit was wrong.

But essentially we managed to create such a lasting impact on the world that it's hard to forget about us, even if you all eventually start to hate us.

We're not perfect. We struggle with the same bullshit you all do over the years and try to make up for at the very least some of ours.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

First of all, I want to apologize not just for being late in typing, but I want to apologize to everyone on this site as well as all over the net, that I have ever hurt even unintentionally during every drama fest I have ever fought through in this site alone and the entirety of the internet. Regardless if I was justified or not, the way I went about it was wrong, violent and full of hate and even if they act tough back, I can tell that what I said really hurt them. The reason I apologize is that whether they are my friends or my enemies or the neutrals that just want to do their thing and not be a pain to anyone, we're all people. We all have families we turn to when we're not doing this. We all have obligations we have to face every day, such as school and work for most people. We use this site and others like it to escape the shitty hand life dealt us over the years and much of why we don't get along, is because while we all suffer the same pains, the circumstances of our individual lives differ so greatly, that we often get the impression that the other side doesn't understand what we are going through.

Which is 100% bullshit. Pain is pain. Regardless of where it comes from, what does it or who does it, pain is universal. It doesn't matter how we get it, because we still hurt. It doesn't matter who hurts us, because in a way even if we don't know it, we hurt them. But while many of us have suffered this pain mostly physically, through fights and other things, the true pain we all have in common, is the pain in our minds, hearts and souls (if you believe in that sort of thing.).

As a kid, even verbally, I thought the best way to solve my problems was to be so violent and scary, it would scare those that I argue with, into submission and make them leave me alone if I don't walk away myself. It took me a long time to realize that wasn't strength.

While strength by many fighters can tell you, comes from muscle, they often neglect the one muscle that keeps us going above all else:

The Heart

The heart is considered the strongest muscle in our body, but what it represents is more than that. A heartbeat is considered one of the most soothing sounds in the world, hence why parent and child, as well as lovers among most walks of life, often have their head against the chest of another. It's the thing that keeps the rest of the body functioning. Hence why Cardio is often stressed as an important exercise among most. Without a strong heart, it's pointless to even think about exercising the rest of you. Many people think that a headshot is the way to kills someone, be it IRL or in games. When in actuality, some people can function with brain damage, yet if you get shot in the heart, unless you have a new heart on stand by you're dead.

But that's just the physical aspects of the heart. The heart represents a lot of things. It represents the love one has for each other, the passion one has for their work, not to mention the determination and will one gets when they have a clear goal in mind and will stop at nothing to get it.

However, while there is some good sides to the heart, it's not without it's drawbacks.

Every time we neglect our heart, we kill ourselves. Every time our hearts get broken, we go crazy. And every time we try to bury our hearts even for the soul purpose of survival, it tries to break free in many different ways.

And while I do regret some of the things I've said, I've always tried to put my heart and soul in everything I do, including the fights. I have had my heart broken, I was determined to fix it. Every time I had it stepped on, I was determined to step on the person that did it, so they wouldn't step on anyone else's. Every time someone tried to rip my heart out, I would fight tooth and nail to put it back in. And despite all the stress, pain and agony I went through to do so, it proves I still have a heart and it was my strongest weapon the whole time.

So this is my advice to you all, friend, foe and neutral alike. Rather than fight with our fists or even with our words, we fight with our hearts instead. We listen to our hearts and react accordingly. Think less and feel more.

Just recently, I have gotten into the mother of all confrontations, I was almost molested, I had my face beat in, but despite all that, I didn't fight with my fists, I used my heart throughout the whole thing and just when things seemed to be getting worse, I ended up finding the light at the end of the tunnel I was searching for. I was able to find ways of solving my problems without resorting to violence, I used strategies I never thought to use before, but most importantly I fought with all my heart to make sure things were right in my small part in the world. And while it will be a while before the smoke clears and things get better, I have managed to do more damage to the side of evil, than most people ever thought to do. A few days ago, someone very special to me, whom is currently in recovery from their own misfortunes, gave me the best advice anyone could give me. "Be you." Me, regardless of how cool I seem to some and hated to others, deep inside I was nothing more than a sad lonely little boy, trapped in the body of an adult man. Yet said little boy, was what kept me going, I never lost that inner child even when it got tainted by the darker aspects of reality. And as a result, the little boy that I was, was slowly but surely becoming the man I was destined to be. I was able to solve a lot of mysteries of my own life one way or another. So I'm practically a detective. I was able to take control of some situations when no one else would. So I'm practically a leader, but one that will follow other leaders if I think their leadership is worth following. I have a vast knowledge of movies, music and other forms of art. Making me an Artist. Just to name a few qualities, but most importantly I'm Me.

A 32 soon to be 33 year old, Canadian, Autistic Boy, with a lot of potential to the world that I have barely scratched the surface, with a bad attitude and a heart of solid gold reinforced with titanium. This heart may get broken occasionally, but I always managed to put it back together, be it through friends, family or even true love.

So the advice I say unto you is this. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you're still you. Be you. Fight with your heart, not your fists.

Take care, stay safe and stay tuned for more.

Follow up to this:

Almost Victims

First of all I want to apologize to those that felt sad for me, when I posted that. While it did depress me, rest assured I am ok. I also want to thank those that do understand. It's nice to know that some people know how I feel. But a funny thing happened to me, when it happened. When I was commenting with someone, I basically had a minor existential crisis. I flat out said while I was typing, I was arguing with God. Now I know that sounds crazy but there's some context.

Every time I ever felt down, even with my Wiccan and Native Magics, I always felt the need to argue with God, whenever I can't find something else to blame, including myself. Cliché, but there's some truth to it. I'm pretty sure everyone from all walks of religion, have argued with their deities. It's where the phrase "Goddammit." came from.

But then I realized something. There have been times in my life, where while the Devil was at play, God has fucked me over many times. When the Devil fucks someone over, it's temptation and corruption. When God fucks someone over that does not deserve it, it's a failed test. Now, I thought I passed many tests, because so much good has happened for me and I never stopped helping people when they needed it. Yet despite that, the bastard kept throwing curveballs. Including but not limited to that bitch that tried to rape and rob me.

Now a lot of puritans would tell you, that it's a sin to go against God and most of the time they are right, if you have no justification, then God has every right to punish you. However, when you do have every right and call God out on his bullshit, he flip flops. Either giving you a break to be better ready for the next shit or pushing you further down, causing you to either stay there and die or claw your way out of it. Considering God created The Devil, it doesn't surprise me if God himself wrote the book on the stuff the Devil does for a living. Now mostly Christians and other people that believe in angelic beings could tell you. God sent the Devil to Hell, because the Devil went against him, got kicked out and dragged as many like minded beings from angels to muses, with him. Turning them into Demons and Incubi/Succubi. See where I'm going with this. The Devil is becoming a corrupted, mirror image polar opposite of God. It made me realize that God may not be his Father. But rather his Brother. And what do brothers do when they don't get their own way. They bicker like little children, no different than both kids and adults act when shit goes sideways for them. And it was said, we were made in his image too so...

Anywho. It made me realize something. While I did respect God and the other deities of other religions, I was never really God's chosen one. I thought I was, but that was just pride. I got cocky and it went sideways for me when I did. But even when things started to get better, he still threw shit at me. Nor was I the Devil's Chosen one either. I am just as capable of great evil as I am capable of good. Which is why even when I fight for righteous causes, I fight dirty when necessary. But then I realized. My core is paganism religions. Wicca and Native specifically. Whereas so are certain people in my circle, even if they were raised Christian. So in a way we're basically a family of Witches. But before they were called witches, they were called something else. You know what it was?

Children of Nature

Look at what Wiccans do, what Natives do, in fact every Pagan type religion does when they do their stuff. They respect nature, they use nature and they allow nature to take it's course when it's all done and over with. They never thank a specific God, they thank what they interpret as Nature in many forms. For example. In Ancient Greece, the first God and Goddess before Chronos, was Uranus and Gaia. Those who read Ancient Greek History, will tell you Uranus is a personification of the sky which modern translators would say means he's basically what Heaven looks like in Humanoid form. However in terms of primordial deities he was only the second. Gaia was the first. The personification of Earth. She was also the mother and husband of Uranus, which while squicky, doesn't surprise me because it's well....Ancient Greece. Back when people had no laws and no morals and we had to work are way through what was right and what was wrong. But it also has a different meaning. In terms of Hetero Marriage, the two most important people in a Mother's life are their husband and son. If you want to modernize it, the two most important people in a person's life is their partner and their child. Granted it was depicted in a disturbing way, but the message still stands.

Now at first I thought that God or whatever higher power was up there, created Earth and Heaven. But after relooking at this maybe it was the other way around. Heaven and Earth created God.

And considering God created Satan, he was his father and his brother. So basically in modern terms the deities above us, however you interpret them are nothing more than a dysfunctional family of Cosmic Proportions. To put it in biblical terms God didn't create Mother Nature. Mother Nature created God.

Now Spoilers for Spawn fans, but Todd MacFarlane, in an attempt to create a Satanic Superhero that rivaled that of Raven, was way ahead of his time in terms of Theology Theory, as he often used biblical terms and other religious text to further inspire his characters. For example, it was one of the first religious based comics to portray the idea that Heaven may be just as corrupt as Hell, but they hide it in a mask of righteousness. But before they continued it, the original ending to Spawn was, this. Al Simmons aka Spawn, whom tried to do right, but got damned to Hell anyway, went so far as to basically put God and The Devil on time out. Grounding them like a frustrated parent. However, he didn't do it alone, the one above them helped him. The Mother of Existence aka The Man of Miracles aka Mother Nature aka Gaia. Now remember what I said regarding Gaia and Uranus. He's her son and her husband and while Al does pine more for Wanda, whom later became the vessel for God and The Devil to be born, by the way, in terms of surrogacy, he played the role as son and husband for The Mother of Existence and basically sent God and the Devil to their room to hash things out and think about what they did.

Then it hit me. Despite basically having a human with Satanic powers banishing God, there are no one of any religion trying to debate someone capable of that because humans, even with powers simply cannot be as powerful as God. And MacFarlane could have had his comics shut down, just for the audacity of it, but because Spawn and him are popular at this point, they achieved more success with the only complaints being that the further stories were just not the same as what he did in his heyday. It's why he's rebooting the series, he's trying to go back to the beginning of what made his greatest creation so great in the first place.

And since I've often boasted that I'm a witch aka a child of nature I thought "Hmm...if Spawn can ground God and The Devil at Natures Request, why can't I?"

So I did what I did as a metaphorical son and father would do. I used what I learned to ground both of them and the weirdest part about it, is the signs told me I was going the right direction.

Now in my case I invoked Native and Wicca magic only. Just to prove a point. That I was a child of Nature before God.

For context, this is how it usually works. In terms of Native, you smudge and you pray for whatever out loud or in your head. No different than most prayers. However because I mixed Wicca with mine I also did some improvisation. Wicca has a thing known as Calling Corners. In which one person from each element, pays tribute to the direction they're facing and the element they represent. However, as shown in that clip from The Craft it doesn't often require them all to be there for it to work as you can either invoke your own element on your own or represent your coven by invoking theirs, if you're right about their elements. I've practiced it before, using my building as a compass, smudging and casting spells for each respective element, each respective direction and what they represent.

For further context here's how it goes at least for me:

1. North, Earth, Protection.
2. South, Fire, Love.
3. East, Air, Career.
4. West, Water, Letting shit go.

The whole time I thought I was asking God or whatever out there for help, I was invoking Mother Nature. So I realized it and went out with as little sage as I had left, faced west and said. "I'm letting go God and The Devil. By Nature, they are grounded." or something along the lines of that. To put it plainly I basically asked nature to put them on a time out and away from us all and judging by what I've been seeing lately, including but not limited to the day beginning better, it may have worked. At least for my neck of the woods.

Now, you can choose to believe this or not. Everyone's entitled to believe what they want to believe and have their opinion. But I am saying this now. Nothing based on your own personal experiences will ever make me doubt it again. So if you're gonna go and say "It doesn't work like that." In an attempt for me to argue with you, you're wasting your breath. It's my belief, not yours, so if you don't like it, then don't fucking talk to me. But for those whom have their own opinion and have major respect for my belief, we're cool. But for those who do believe me or at the very least figured it out in their own way, maybe take this advice. Maybe put the bickering forces of good and evil on time out your way. Be it prayer, meditation, whatever. Just ask nature or at least your interpretation of nature, to put your respective good and evil on time out. Maybe it will work.

I was thinking of ideas for a sequel book to my first book. However I think I found it here.

Stay safe, stay tuned for more.

Update 1/22/2024

Ok. Good News and Bad News. Bad News first, ever since I grounded God and The Devil from my life and the people around me, God bitchslapped me in a colossal way. I won't go into detail as I am tired of venting this crap, but I will say this. It pissed me off to the point where I felt strong enough to tear down a 13 story building with my bare hands. I went on a verbal rampage against people responsible for it and if you all watched my audio dramas, you know how loud of a screamer I can be if I want to. It's a technique I use, that while Non-Violent does scare and hurt people in a way as painful as a punch to the face. My family once called it "Putting the fear of God." and if I got more well equipped, since I was able to do a successful test run of my character's S.T. and Light Harmony, I would have shown what it was like through my characters.

To teach you how it works here's how it works:

1. First, don't simply stand there and yell at the person. The more you talk the more they can use it against you, no matter how mundane or how severe your language is. Simply talk or yell louder, but with a firm tone of voice so that they never had a chance to talk. Say your piece as quick as you can and walk off to let them process what you just said. I've done this before many times when I was at my breaking point and while it's seldom successful, those that have fear in their hearts will either act tough to save face or be in a mental panic, because they don't know you personally and are afraid of what you may do if hypothetically you do resort to violence.
2. When walking away, find a good place to escape to. It could be a place you feel safe in or a place they don't dare to find you, because it could be an area they know enough to leave alone. Considering I spend my spare time walking around my town, I'm able to find many routes. It's how I was able to survive it for 26 years. I knew all the shortcuts. Some I didn't, others in my life taught me.
3. Wherever you go, go as far away from the zone as you can. Could be just a few clicks to where it happened or it could be miles away to a store or a hangout, but walk there. Lay low for a few minutes to an hour or depending on how you deal with anger, longer. The reason why is the old saying "Nothing is scarier." Most people think walking away is the cowards way out, but I find that some people, paranoid people mostly, often wonder the following. "Where does he/she go? What is he/she doing over there? Is he/she bringing more people to deal with this?" The possibilities are endless.

Point being, you yell, you walk, you wait. It's so Notorious that Uncle Phil is a master of it:

As the old saying goes "Revenge is a dish best served cold." Well it's very cold in Winter.

Now despite this being bad news, I was able to cope with it, by teaching others how to do it, so they no longer have to be afraid of their own respective Evil's. It's one of my most favoured techniques. Hard to do on the Net, but in real life, it works almost every time. And now I pass it onto you.

The Good news is, that while I am still at odds with God, I lifted his grounding. It took me a while to think about it and while I still think Nature is above God, there are still some people that love and respect God no matter what he's done to me. In my case, some of the places I go have nice people of various religions, that still continue to be good no matter what. And while God sometimes still pisses me off, I never EVER take it out on their worshippers. I tell them my POV, sometimes they agree, sometimes they disagree and I don't hold it against them. Otherwise I'd be Cain reincarnated. Fuck that guy, he killed his brother.

I came to an understanding that while they were arguing like bickering children, God was also a frustrated parent. He took it out on me and my closest allies, because he had no idea how to deal with The Devil. My solution, while harsh, was to use how we humans deal with dysfunctional families. I was gonna do it anyway. The first stage is trying to get them to hash it out without us in the middle. Then when they were good and ready, I would separate them and make them think about what they did. The child becoming the parent with the older mother (Nature/Gaia), helping. But when I realized what was up, I basically said "You know what, you can come out, but the Devil stays there. There are plenty that will take over until he's ready, but maybe he should think more about how he fucked up." So ya, through my discussions I basically created a compromise cosmically. The deal is that I let him out, but while I show respect, I will consider nature over him as a light punishment, because he has billions of worshippers anyway, one gone won't kill him. In exchange, he has to make up for screwing me over so many times. Now I just have to wait and see. If it happens, I know I did the right thing. If not I'll find some other way of restoring balance. Point being is at this point, I'm not giving up on my life no matter what happens to me and I hope it does yield great results for me and those I care about.

Thank you for reading.

Over the years, despite my good and bad days, my main priority was to do everything I could, not to get arrested or killed. I have a violent temper and a bad attitude, so it's easier said than done. But sometimes people push me to the point where I'd risk both to do the right thing or at the very least take justice into it myself. One of the downfalls of true heroism is the consequences of one's actions, right or wrong. For example, is someone worth hurting if they committed a serious crime, no matter how bad or severe it is.

I've tried to find the line between Right and Wrong, my whole life and it's a lesson I will try to keep learning, because it is neverending no matter what I do and how good of a life I live. However the one thing that always boggles me, is that when it comes to certain serious crimes, such as assault, rape, sexual harassment, pedophilia, people have sympathy for the victims, which is fair. Yet there is often less to no sympathies to those that dodge the bullet, those whom got out of a bad situation in time, those whom almost got hit and those whom almost got raped. Which leads me to what I'm typing here.

Now make no mistake, I assure you people that aside from some anger and fear, I am ok. I have not been hurt, nor am I in any sort of trouble or danger. But today almost ruined my good day month streak this year because I dodged said bullet.

Now for context, my views on sex crimes differ from some people. In this case, I do believe that females are just as capable of harassing and raping males as males are capable of raping women. We may be in the minority for that, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Unlike women, where some fear going to authority figures and some don't, it's harder for men when it happens. Mainly because there have been moments, depicted in various mediums, where females practically attack males, sexually, but it's often all in good fun or comedy. Treated as a joke. Make no mistake, there is some truth to that, as some men prefer to be chased rather than chase. However, if a man is clearly uncomfortable with the woman chasing them, then it's obvious they aren't interested and not playing hard to get. In my case, I was heading home and some creepy drug addled woman whom doesn't even live in my building, sexually harassed me. She was a known fentanyl user and crackhead as well as a thief and she was scoping out apartments to try to get in and steal shit. Trojan horse style. Needless to say, I wasn't going in my apartment, because I was so creeped out I didn't want her to know where I lived let alone force her way into my apartment. She grabbed my arm in an attempt to court me and follow me, I threatened her to scare her off. Make no mistake, I would never in my life hit or condone hitting women, call me old fashioned. Call me sexist for you modern freaks out there, but that is something I don't like to do and I sure as hell don't like seeing others do it. Yet, the thing about intimidation and it's effectiveness, is that while you know yourself, they don't know you. So if you say an empty threat it would either scare them thinking you'll do it or attack you thinking they're defending themselves. I did it and it made her let go of my arm. Needless to say I wanted to get as far away from this bitch as I could. I was already in a relationship and I was not gonna fucking jeopardize that just because some fugly bitch wants to trap me. And if my partner walked in and saw that she would:

1. Like most women in that situation, assume I was cheating on her and break things off. Even if it wasn't like that. Which in this case it wasn't.
2. Because I know my partner very well and know how batshit insane she could get when she's angry alone, let alone seeing another woman try to steal me from her....let's just say, she'd be doing life in prison.

And while I do not wish either option, I do have faith that 2 is the most likely, because we went through great lengths to protect each other the past 19 days including today, it was like we were Nightwing and Raven.

I walked away as soon as this skank let go of my arm, she followed me, started fake crying for sympathy and started slinging insults at me. I went to my building's security station, luckily the Security Guard was not only a friend, but another woman. Whom was new to the building, but scared of the bad elements. I try to give her pep talks to get through it. So needless to say thank fucking god she was in that office. If it was a guy, they would out of obligation investigate and report, but would not take it seriously due to the double standards, unless of course he was a victim himself. Whereas while some females don't take it seriously, others would and would even go through great lengths to make sure it doesn't happen again. I informed her of the situation, told her to call for back up and reported the incident to the housing company. She left the building before anything could be dealt with, so it was easy for me to do that. However I been hearing around that she was still roaming around the area, so I figured that sooner or later I had to get out of there. So to cool off, I left and did some errands for the rest of the night. So needless to say, it didn't quite ruin my day. However for the first time in a long time, I felt scared. People on this site alone, could attest, that when angry, I never back down, say as much nasty things as I can to the person that wronged me and those that know me in my personal life, know how much of a violent kid I used to be with said temper. So needless to say, even with my moral code at play, I can safely say this. Most men, even if they never once hit a woman, often have what's known as an "exception list." a form of catharsis were merely the thought of hurting them comes to mind, but no follow through. Basically those that have harmed them without provocation, spread rumours about them, raped them, robbed them, etc. So needless to say I have one of those lists and it's a miracle I didn't follow through, because if I did, even if I spent the rest of my life in prison, there'd be a lot. Including but not limited to Karla Homolka. The notorious serial killer and rapist in my country and wife of other notorious rapist and killer Paul Bernardo. Yet while I have that specific list, this was the first and only time I ever wanted to kill a woman. Because she was that evil to me. And I literally had to get as far away from my building as possible so I wouldn't bet so mad I'd be driven to do it. Which leads me to the topic.

I was almost a victim of sexual harassment, rape and possibly robbery if I was ever that stupid to go to my apartment in front of her. So needless to say, even if I did go through with killing this person, charged as I may be, they won't blame me. Instead I settled it the legal way. Alerted my buildings authorities and left to calm down. Hence what I mean by being ok, as I am calm enough to talk about this.

Having said, that it was not the first time this shit has happened to me. It's been happening to me since I was a kid.

As a kid, me and my family almost got date raped by a friend of our family.

As a teen, I had to watch helplessly while a relative of mine as well as many other teenagers, was being groomed and harassed by her pedophile father. Had he been interested in boys as he was in girls, I would have been next. Not only that his own father was defending him.

As a high school student, a fellow student was prostituting herself, preying on other high school students. Luring unsuspecting hormone addled teenage boys into possible rape scandals. At the behest of her pimp/fuckbuddy, whom was 20 when he was putting her out. I was almost a victim of that shit, only I was too stupid to understand what she was doing, but smart enough to GTFO, before it got worse. Not to mention even if I was interested, I was too focused on graduating to think about that shit.

As an adult, I was caught in a badger game, with two scamming women. They even went so far as hitting me and chucking a lit cigarette to try to get a reaction out of me and the only thing I had to ask was "WHO ARE YOU!?"

When I first moved to the building I run into that same high school rapist and pedo duo again.

During a summer, I was harassed by someone else's girl, whom was trying to get him jealous.

And now this fucking shit.

And people on this site why I'm so defensive and act like a know it all when it comes to sex crimes:

I WAS ALMOST A VICTIM OF THAT SHIT!!! I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!!

I study the signs, the M.O.s of the most notorious criminals, so I could find these people myself and put an end to it if I could. And that it doesn't happen to me or anyone ever again. In the name of every child and adult I failed to save in the past, because certain stigmas and laws don't offer sympathy. Which leads me to the topic. Almost victims.

Almost victims are men, women and children, whom by intervention of other individuals, luck, intuition or even to some the hand of whatever God/Goddess is up there, dodge serious situations that could have gotten worse had they ended up like anyone else dumb or ignorant enough to fall for it. These people are the unsung heroes, because even if they don't talk about their experience, they use what they learned to help others out. But that said, just because they are more savvy, doesn't make the experience less painful or scary.

In the defense of those that offer little to no sympathy, it's mostly some apathy about it. They don't think it's a big deal when someone almost gets killed or almost gets raped or almost gets framed for said crimes or any almost for that matter. They think "It didn't happen to you, so why should we give a shit?" And because people don't like to talk about it, but show clear signs of trauma, it makes others suspicious, thinking you're one of them just by looks alone.

Let me tell you something about almost victims. Even if they are relieved that it didn't happen to them, which in my experience is a fucking relief. They think about the "What ifs?" Like what if it did happen to us and how would it affect us. Would it throw us in jail? Would it get us killed before people realized the truth? Do some still disbelieve us? Things that would haunt them for the rest of their lives.

Some get over it, others would rather go so far as kill themselves when the fear doesn't go away just to escape from it. Me, I try to cope as much as I could, but with my disorder and the other baggage in my life, it's not easy especially when it keeps happening. But my main worry was that I would end up breaking the heart of someone I love even if it was by accident. And if that did happen, not only would it break my heart, it would fucking destroy me. I would go back to the way I was before, because I'd have nothing left. I'd rather have my own heart broken than breaking hers, because I can take it. And it's why it wound me up to this point. Other times I've been harassed or caught up in something like this, I play it off, thinking it won't happen again and just move on with my life. Yet, this was the last straw for me.

Now I'm not the only Almost Victim. I'm sure others are out there all over the world, that dodged their fair share of bullets. However, part of why justice is never done, no matter how painful and humiliating it could be, is that we don't talk about it. So I encourage you to talk about it. It doesn't have to be authority figures. As I know most people be it through fear or through personal reasons would rather not go to the police even if it's the right thing to do for something like this. It could be friends, family or even others you feel you can trust to help you through the situation. Someone you know would help you through this, through moral support and love.

So needless to say, start talking. Because it took a lot of bravery and courage just to even speak about this. It's stuff I usually don't like to talk about, don't want to talk about, but if it at least warns the next generation, it should be talked about. It is also why I was overtly defensive when people were hassling me over the Jes and Joe thing. Because I seen that shit myself and I was too angry to even talk about it, because I didn't think a single person would even believe me. And while it didn't ruin the rest of my day, it is a serious situation and people should be aware that this shit does in fact happen. You'll get no snickers, humiliation or any ridicule from me, so don't be afraid to speak.

Right now I'm just gonna stay positive and get through this day so I can make it to tomorrow.

Until then, stay safe and stay tuned for more.